Tag: Dancing with the Stars Season 9 Results Show

Dancing with the Stars 9.13 — Round Six Results Show

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The 2009-10 NBA season kicked off tonight, so I was at odds with how to schedule my television viewing. Do I watch my beloved Lakers and record the latest installment of “Dancing with the Stars?” Of course, that would mean posting my popular recap hours after the show’s completion. I hate depriving my rabid fan base of high school girls, everyday wives, complacent husbands, and troubled bachelors of my ill-informed thoughts. Or do I switch back and forth between basketball and dance, punching away without direction or composure, so all can devour the review before bedtime? Or do I even revert to Option C and actually record the basketball game, in order to devote my full attention to ABC’s hit show while the night is young? I could always watch the game in the wee hours. Better yet, I could simply check The Scores Report — a website with fantastic writers — to get my fill of NBA news and analysis.

Well, it’s midnight and I’m just now getting to this post. Looking at the title, I obviously won’t be discussing the Lakers. Something happens to the male brain after 12 AM. Whiskey, guitars, friends, women, and Pringles are the only things I want in my vicinity. If these delicacies are unattainable, I just want my bed. And guess what I’m next to right now? My bed, and she looks lovely. Writing, or writing about “Dancing with the Stars” rather, is not my current idea of fun. I really should be outside typing on a rock, just so I don’t fall asleep.

Nothing says procrastination like spending two paragraphs off-topic. For the love of God, it’s “Dancing with the Stars!”

Supposedly, two celebrities will be knocked out tonight. I really hope it’s Michael Irvin and Melissa Joan Hart. I never look forward to their routines. I can handle the others.

Hey, hey, hey. Taylor Swift is the musical guest tonight and she’s looking very pretty with her shame-inducing youthfulness. Taylor Swift is the kind of female celebrity that normal guys think, I bet she’ll grow up to be a class act. I think she would like me if I got the chance to meet her. She’d go out with me. Yeah, she seems nice. Wrong. Taylor Swift will be married to one of those vampires from “Twilight” in less than two years. Don’t be the guy who sits at home in his boxers listening to her latest album (which was downloaded illegally), wondering what could have been.

When you’re craving a date with your pillow, listening to Cuban music is not enjoyable in the slightest. I didn’t catch the name of the band, but really, am I going to buy the record? I’m not going to tell my friend Dave, “Hey Dave, guess what I saw last night — this amazing Cuban band. No, not in person. I actually caught them on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ No, it’s not weird that I watch it.” As a musician, I love the syncopated rhythms of Latin music. I just can’t handle them right now.

Taylor Swift is on stage performing “Love Story,” a song so ubiquitous a schlub such as myself knows most of the words.

Melissa Joan Hart is going home. She seems like a nice lady, but I’ll never forget when she was all the rage on Nickelodeon. Now, Louie/Chelsea and Michael/Anna will compete in some sort of “dance off” to determine who stays.

Dance Off

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (samba)

Michael Irvin always brings the excitement. The problem is, he seems like any other clueless male out there. This dance was no different. He just doesn’t have any technique. He always settles for a simplified routine and I hope the judges don’t let him off the hook.

Louie Vito with Chelsea Hightower (jive)

Louie Vito, on the other hand, packs plenty of content into each of his dances. He focuses on the steps and works well with his partner. I doubt Louie will make it past Round Seven, but judging by his performance tonight, he deserves another chance.

I don’t understand why the judges went with Michael Irvin. Even Len Goodman, who is a stickler for technique, didn’t pick Louie.

Don’t worry about it, Louie. America didn’t even know who you were two months ago.

Dancing with the Stars 9.7 — Round Three: Results Show

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Earlier, I predicted that either Debi Mazar, Michael Irvin, or Chuck Lidell would be eliminated on tonight’s results show. My statement sent shock waves throughout the Internet landscape, leading to vicious emails calling for my dismissal from the Single Men’s Dancing With The Stars Blogging Alliance. Listen, sometimes you have to be the bad guy.

I see bodies gyrating on my screen. Let’s do this.

Uh oh. Maybe I was overcritical of Chuck Lidell’s samba. Len Goodman has asked him and Anna Trebunskaya to perform the dance once again to kick off tonight’s program. Wait, no. I wasn’t wrong in the slightest. Lidell is fumbling around like he has crocodiles chomping at his feet. I bet Goodman just wanted to see this for his own amusement.

Queen Latifiah is singing a new song of hers called “Fast Cars.” When was the last time she recorded an album, anyway? Like most, I’ve gotten so used to thinking of her as an actress. She should just stick with that, come to think of it.

I told you! Tom DeLay is safe. Turns out there’s still a few republicans left in this country. America has also chosen to keep Chuck Lidell around, so we’re bound to see at least one more painfully goofy dance. Michael Irvin is in trouble.

Sadly, Tom DeLay just withdrew from the competition because of the stress fractures in his feet. This can’t be good for ABC, as I’m sure DeLay has been helping with the ratings. He was entertaining to watch, primarily because he wasn’t very good. Regardless, I admire his resilience and hope he gets better soon.

To keep things fair, somebody will still be eliminated later tonight. However, it won’t be Donny Osmond, Louie Vito, or Mark Dacascos. America wants them to keep on keepin’ on.

I don’t really know the story with this hip hop dance crew called JabbaWockeez. I already dislike them because I spent way too much time trying to find the correct spelling of their name. The choreography was interesting, I guess.

More Queen Latifah. I appreciate the Motown influence on this number.

Hosts Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris just announced that Kelly Osbourne and Melissa Joan Hart are safe. Perhaps America is pulling for Ozzy’s once misguided daughter.

So, who will be going home between Michael Irvin, Joanna Krupa, Aaron Carter, and Debi Mazar?

It’s Debi. Really? Come on, America!

Dancing with the Stars: Ashley Hamilton and Macy Gray first to go

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The first Results Show from the new season of “Dancing with the Stars” aired last night, featuring recaps, performances, and of course, eliminations. A record 16 couples are participating this season, so I’d expect weeks where there are multiple shows and/or eliminations due to time restrictions. I want to mention one thing before I give my thoughts on lasts night’s episode: the house band is really talented. Not only that, but they play quality music — not just modern pop numbers devoid of feeling. While I haven’t recognized every song they’ve played, I have enjoyed them all. Their interesting song selection has inspired me to hit the Internet and do some research.

At the request of judge Len Goodman, Kelly Osbourne and parter Louis van Amstel began the show with a recreation of their Viennese Waltz. She’s my pick to win the competition, so if she can impress the picky Goodman early on, she has a shot. Moments later, it’s revealed that Louie Vito/Chelsea Hightower and Aaron Carter/Karina Smirnoff are safe from elimination. I think Carter is the favorite on the male side.

During Sean Kington’s gratuitously auto-tuned performance, I was finally disappointed with the show. I thought it would happen much earlier, but the dances are quite interesting. Thankfully, Kingston had professional dancers surrounding him, so I just plugged my ears and watched.

Kenny Mayne, Jeff Ross, and Penn Jillette were featured in a segment detailing “The Losers Club,” an elite society reserved for those individuals first eliminated from a season of “Dancing with the Stars.” This just reminded me of how funny Mayne is. Really, watch his web show.

To my surprise, Ashley Hamilton and Edyta Sliwinska were the first couple sent home. I really thought Michael Irvin would get the boot, but now it will be months before I get to see Edyta’s beautiful form light up my screen/life.

While the cast of The Lion King theater production were great, I can’t believe it’s still running. I remember going to that show with my mom when I was a kid. The dance tribute to Patrick Swayze was very nice and showcased how talented the pros really are.

Unfortunately, Macy Gray and Jonathan Roberts were sent packing as well. I wish Macy could have stuck around. She seemed more out of place than any of these competitors and I would have liked to see her evolve. Also, she will say anything on live television. What were you thinking, America?

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