Dancing3

Earlier, I predicted that either Debi Mazar, Michael Irvin, or Chuck Lidell would be eliminated on tonight’s results show. My statement sent shock waves throughout the Internet landscape, leading to vicious emails calling for my dismissal from the Single Men’s Dancing With The Stars Blogging Alliance. Listen, sometimes you have to be the bad guy.

I see bodies gyrating on my screen. Let’s do this.

Uh oh. Maybe I was overcritical of Chuck Lidell’s samba. Len Goodman has asked him and Anna Trebunskaya to perform the dance once again to kick off tonight’s program. Wait, no. I wasn’t wrong in the slightest. Lidell is fumbling around like he has crocodiles chomping at his feet. I bet Goodman just wanted to see this for his own amusement.

Queen Latifiah is singing a new song of hers called “Fast Cars.” When was the last time she recorded an album, anyway? Like most, I’ve gotten so used to thinking of her as an actress. She should just stick with that, come to think of it.

I told you! Tom DeLay is safe. Turns out there’s still a few republicans left in this country. America has also chosen to keep Chuck Lidell around, so we’re bound to see at least one more painfully goofy dance. Michael Irvin is in trouble.

Sadly, Tom DeLay just withdrew from the competition because of the stress fractures in his feet. This can’t be good for ABC, as I’m sure DeLay has been helping with the ratings. He was entertaining to watch, primarily because he wasn’t very good. Regardless, I admire his resilience and hope he gets better soon.

To keep things fair, somebody will still be eliminated later tonight. However, it won’t be Donny Osmond, Louie Vito, or Mark Dacascos. America wants them to keep on keepin’ on.

I don’t really know the story with this hip hop dance crew called JabbaWockeez. I already dislike them because I spent way too much time trying to find the correct spelling of their name. The choreography was interesting, I guess.

More Queen Latifah. I appreciate the Motown influence on this number.

Hosts Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris just announced that Kelly Osbourne and Melissa Joan Hart are safe. Perhaps America is pulling for Ozzy’s once misguided daughter.

So, who will be going home between Michael Irvin, Joanna Krupa, Aaron Carter, and Debi Mazar?

It’s Debi. Really? Come on, America!