Tag: Debi Mazar Dancing with the Stars

Dancing with the Stars 9.7 — Round Three: Results Show


Earlier, I predicted that either Debi Mazar, Michael Irvin, or Chuck Lidell would be eliminated on tonight’s results show. My statement sent shock waves throughout the Internet landscape, leading to vicious emails calling for my dismissal from the Single Men’s Dancing With The Stars Blogging Alliance. Listen, sometimes you have to be the bad guy.

I see bodies gyrating on my screen. Let’s do this.

Uh oh. Maybe I was overcritical of Chuck Lidell’s samba. Len Goodman has asked him and Anna Trebunskaya to perform the dance once again to kick off tonight’s program. Wait, no. I wasn’t wrong in the slightest. Lidell is fumbling around like he has crocodiles chomping at his feet. I bet Goodman just wanted to see this for his own amusement.

Queen Latifiah is singing a new song of hers called “Fast Cars.” When was the last time she recorded an album, anyway? Like most, I’ve gotten so used to thinking of her as an actress. She should just stick with that, come to think of it.

I told you! Tom DeLay is safe. Turns out there’s still a few republicans left in this country. America has also chosen to keep Chuck Lidell around, so we’re bound to see at least one more painfully goofy dance. Michael Irvin is in trouble.

Sadly, Tom DeLay just withdrew from the competition because of the stress fractures in his feet. This can’t be good for ABC, as I’m sure DeLay has been helping with the ratings. He was entertaining to watch, primarily because he wasn’t very good. Regardless, I admire his resilience and hope he gets better soon.

To keep things fair, somebody will still be eliminated later tonight. However, it won’t be Donny Osmond, Louie Vito, or Mark Dacascos. America wants them to keep on keepin’ on.

I don’t really know the story with this hip hop dance crew called JabbaWockeez. I already dislike them because I spent way too much time trying to find the correct spelling of their name. The choreography was interesting, I guess.

More Queen Latifah. I appreciate the Motown influence on this number.

Hosts Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris just announced that Kelly Osbourne and Melissa Joan Hart are safe. Perhaps America is pulling for Ozzy’s once misguided daughter.

So, who will be going home between Michael Irvin, Joanna Krupa, Aaron Carter, and Debi Mazar?

It’s Debi. Really? Come on, America!

Dancing with the Stars 9.6 — Round Three


During last week’s results show, Kathy Ireland and partner Tony Dovolani were sent home, leaving 13 couples remaining. I’m not too familiar with other competitions such as “American Idol,” but this new season of “Dancing with the Stars” began with 16 contestants — isn’t that a bit much? I originally thought two teams would be sent home each week. Well, that’s not the case at all. First, there’s a two-hour performance show, where nobody is eliminated. Then, the next day, there’s a results show, where one celebrity is retired. So we have thirteen weeks to go? Man, fans of this show must really be fans. I give you guys credit. If it weren’t for the female professional dances — courtesy of exotic nations around the globe — I’d be watching re-runs of something right now. I take that back. Len Goodman, my favorite rotten apple, is worth the price of admission alone.

And after missing all of last week, he’s back at the judges table tonight! We’re in for a good laugh or two. Apparently, tonight’s show is Latin-influenced, so I’m expecting some dances unfit for television.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer

Ah, the rumba. I actually did a paper on this dance in college for a music class. Still, I might as well have ditched every day since I don’t recognize what’s happening on my screen. It’s looked pretty fluid to me, but the judges want more personality as Dacascos looked like he was focusing too hard.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough

Jesus, who is this girl? Very sexy. I hope the rest of tonight’s dances have this amount of energy. This one had the intensity, and the judges rewarded them in kind.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin

I have a pool going with rest of the staff around here and I’ve picked Mya to win this entire competition. Although I’m lying about the pool, I do think Mya has looked the best so far. Right now, she’s tearing it up, performing what I think is another rumba. This dance had chemistry, sensuality, and flexibility (yeah, you know). They received a score of 27, the highest that’s been given this season.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas

Melissa is much-improved, looking more lively in this samba than she has in other dances. However, her partner constantly steals the spotlight, and I don’t think that’s supposed to happen.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower

I thought these guys got screwed last week. Their dance was awesome and they weren’t rewarded for it. As for this rumba, I’m not sure. They have the chemistry, but there’s just something odd about them that I can’t comprehend. It might be their youth, but I’m not sure I believe that. The audience is booing Len Goodman. Wow. He gave them a “5.”

Debi Mazar with Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Debi Mazar has a cool personality, but does she think she can dance? Oh, right, that’s a different show. It’s week three and she hasn’t improved. She better hope somebody completely blows it tonight.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson

I don’t know what just happened. Between all the flirting Donny did with Bruno, Carrie Ann’s startled reaction, and the impromptu interview with Paula Abdul, Donny’s rumba is a distant memory. It was smooth, I remember that. They’ll be safe come the results show.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova

This girl is growing on me. What is it about Russian women? The accent? The coldness? The hotness? Men, you get what I’m saying. Michael Irvin is a lucky man. Too bad he’s a boring dancer. Bruno made the comment that he’s regressed from last week. Debi and Michael on the chopping block?

Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo

Natalie Coughlin may actually be…gorgeous. Each week she seems to become more and more ravishing. Her dance tonight was fun and appeared technically accurate. She continues to improve and should give Mya some trouble down the line.

Chuck Lidell with Anna Trebunskaya

Not good. Come on, Chuck. All of the judges are giving back-handed compliments. Chuck and his cute little partner are going to go backstage now and receive very low scores. Yep, a total of “17.”

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff

Now that’s what I call a rumba. I know, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Aside from Carter’s brief mishap when he almost fell in the beginning, the dance was solid. He had trouble with this one, but it wasn’t so horrible as to get him kicked off. Coming in, they were at the top of the judges’ leader board. He’s safe.

Tom DeLay with Cheryl Burke

Even with a stress fracture in each foot, former Speaker of the House Tom DeLay has decided to compete. It looked like he was really struggling during rehearsals, so this could be a disaster. Smart of Cheryl Burke to wear that dress to draw attention away from Tom’s misgivings. The tactic may not fool the judges, but it’s sure to work on goons like me. Still, hats off to Tom DeLay. He’s older and he’s injured. What did we expect? Regardless of how the judges score this pair, I think the voters at home will keep them alive.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel

Hey, look at that. After suffering a complete meltdown last week, Kelly rebounded with this samba. She just needs to avoid panicking after the fist few movements. And yes, I stole that from Len Goodman.

By the looks of it, I think Debi Mazar, Michael Irvin, and Chuck Lidell are in jeopardy. Debi is a fan favorite, so her chances are slightly better. Check back tomorrow for my professional thoughts on the results show.

Dancing with the Stars 9.5 — Round Two: Results Show


I’ve got a feeling tonight is the end of the line for either Kathy Ireland or Chuck Lidell. Kathy, because she hasn’t progressed since Week One and Chuck, because the larger American public doesn’t connect with him. Plus, you know his MMA buddies aren’t flooding the lines with their votes. Kelly Osbourne and Tom DeLay are on thin ice, but I think they’ll survive this elimination round.

Baz Lurhmann is sitting in for Len Goodman once again and he’s asked Mya and Dmitry to perform their Jive from the night before. Watching Mya, it’s clear she has more natural dancing ability than any of the other celebrities. What song is this, by the way? The female voice-over sounds like Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.

Joss Stone disappeared for the last three or four years, correct? Her voice sounds like a mixture of Al Green and Janis Joplin. It’s surprising when you realize she’s a cute, skinny, white girl from England.

Now Selena Gomez, the next Disney susperstar, is on stage. Only 17, her new album, Kiss and Tell, is about to rake in millions of dollars and set little Selena for life. It’s sad. Disney doesn’t even try anymore. They’re just completely up front with how they manufacture their young talent. Soaked in reverb, echo, and overdubs, Selena Gomez sounds more like a mother of two than a teenager. When she steps slightly away from the mic while singing, you can actually hear her natural voice. Yeah, that wouldn’t sell too well, would it?

Was anybody else disappointed by that whole USC Marching Band/break dance showcase? I expected something more entertaining.

Joss Stone would perform “Son of a Preacher Man,” wouldn’t she? The oldie was popularized by Dusty Springfield and then Aretha Franklin. I’m really digging Stones’ rendition, supported by those popping backup singers.

I’m surprised it’s Debi Mazar, rather than Chuck Lidell, facing elimination against Kathy Ireland. Mazar’s Tango actually had “feeling.” While Kathy Ireland seems really sweet, there’s no way she should stay over Debi Mazar. And she’s not.

Why do they make the recent eliminations perform a “final dance?” It’s bad enough that they lost, but now they have to dance dejectedly in front of millions watching at home? At least Kathy took it like a champ.

“Dancing with the Stars” returns next Monday at 8 PM on ABC.

Dancing with the Stars 9.4 — Round Two


Along with millions of high school girls, single women, wives, and complacent husbands, I’m currently in front of my television awaiting the newest episode of “Dancing with the Stars.” I find it more enjoyalbe to write about this type of show in the moment, rather than trying to piece a recap together the day after airing. Isn’t “Dancing with the Stars” more exciting than thought-provoking, anyway? Oh, I see lots of tan flesh. Here we go.

“Moulin Rouge” director Baz Lurhmann is serving as a guest judge tonight and the live audience is thrilled. Unfortunately, my current favorite elderly Brit, judge Len Goodman, is absent. I hope he’s not gone long as he’s the funniest part of the show.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough

This performance, the first of the night, was pretty sloppy. I didn’t know “jive” was also a dance — I thought it was just a type of trash-talking. Funny enough, judge Bruno Tonioli says the dance is supposed to be “clean.” Joanna’s rendition definitely was not. Wait…what’s with the high scores?

Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo

Hell yeah. The couple is dancing to “I Want You Back,” made famous by the Jackson 5. I love this song. Natalie Coughlin is, without a doubt, the cutest celebrity on the show. Against “I Want You Back,” I thought this dance looked pretty fun.

Chuck Lidell with Anna Trebunskaya

Chuck Lidell and a cute Russian woman dancing the Tango to “Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes. I’m positive this will never happen again on television.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas

More. Good. Music. I don’t know who gets to pick the songs, but the choices have been consistently great. Melissa and her partner are dancing the Jive to “Long Tall Sally,” popularized by Little Richard, the Beatles, and the Kinks. Sometimes, I lose focus on the dance in front of me because the music is so good. This was one of those times.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova

Well, Irvin was atrocious last week, but he looks comfortable with the Tango. The judges are being much nicer tonight, so that’s good for guys like him. Man, I miss that unpleasant prune of a Brit.

Debi Mazar with Maksim Chmerkovskiy

This is one of the few couples with visible chemistry. I liked their version of the Tango as they brought a sense of back story to the dance. They just got “7”s across the board. Looks like they’re staying.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower

I’m not sure what the judges are talking about. This was the most impressive dance thus far. Since Louie Vito is very athletic, these two kids were jumping all over the place and having a blast. The home audience better keep them alive as this dance was actually entertaining. Anybody know what song was just playing? It’s really bothering me that I can’t figure it out.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff

The judges were really impressed with Carter — dressed like a leprechaun from Southern California — and his pretty partner. I didn’t think much of it, but what do I know?

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel

Is her head supposed to keep turning side-to-side like that? I would definitely get whiplash. I want Kelly to win this silly show, but I doubt she’ll get high scores for this dance.

Kathy Ireland with Tony Dovolani

Kathy and her partner had to do the quick-step. I don’t know. I was a bit bored by their performance. As this is the second week, it was imperative that she improve, and she didn’t. She might be going home fairly soon.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer

Although this couple doesn’t exude the same level of excitement as some of the others, they excel in the technical aspects. Considering each team is only given four days to prepare, nobody has been horrible. Dacascos is definitely staying.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin

Wait. Wasn’t Mya in a music video with Christina Aguilera for a song from “Moulin Rouge?” She certainly picked the season to compete. After this nearly flawless performance, Mya has
to be the favorite, right? She used to dance in her music videos, so she has at least some experience.

Tom DeLay with Cheryl Burke

Despite the hurt foot, DeLay did a great job. It’s a shame he almost dropped his partner at the end. Like Carrie Ann said, they are an odd, yet perfectly-matched couple. Their attempt at the Tango was graceful and interesting — much better than the bulk of dances tonight.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson

Man, he nailed it. From a simple viewer’s perspective, I didn’t see any mistakes. Mya vs. Osmond in the finals?

Check back tomorrow for my thoughts on tonght’s Results Show.

“Dancing with the Stars” kicks off new season with three-night premiere


Although “Dancing with the Stars” is already in its ninth season, I’ve somehow avoided watching a complete episode during its five-year run. Girls I know, my mother, and friends’ parents have had the show on in my presence, but I instinctively ignored it. Inexplicably, I’ve always lumped reality programs and reality competition in the same category, but after watching the first episode of this new season, I realize that was unfair. “Dancing with the Stars,” “American Idol,” and “America’s Got Talent” are not the same as “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila,” “Rock of Love with Bret Michaels,” or “I Love New York.” Those last three are shows my friends and I define as “trash TV.” We, the audience, are laughing at the contestants, simply hoping to witness their humiliation. On the other hand, “Dancing with the Stars” exudes a genuine sense of fun. Celebrities train — rather vigorously — with attractive dancers and later perform in front of quirky judges. Pretty safe television, but it’s a formula perfect for a broad American demographic. The judges (Len Goodman, Bruno Tonioli, Carrie Ann Inaba) and hosts (Tom Bergeron, Samantha Harris) keep things fun, professional, and competitive. So, here we go. Written below is one young man’s interpretations of the show every female present in his life has previously forced upon him. The new season is in the midst of a “three-night-premiere,” but will return next Monday at 8:00 PM to its weekly time slot.

Episode 1 (season premiere)

The males are set to compete on opening night.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff

Jesus, Karina is smokin’. Alright, I get it. I can see now why men tolerate watching this with their girlfriends or wives. I know we’re not supposed to focus on the professional dancer as much, so I’ll do my best to avoid the flesh. Carter did a good job, I suppose, but Karina could dance with anybody and I’d be fascinated.

Chuck Lidell with Anna Trebunskaya

I almost fell out of my chair laughing during The Iceman’s routine. It’s not that Chuck Liddell was horrible, but his forced smile was just too goofy. I already want him to win this thing.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer

Martial arts professional and star of “Iron Chef America,” Dacascos is an athletic fellow. Still, this dance was a tad boring and I wasn’t feeling the “Asian” theme. Like judge Len Goodman said, it felt like a gimmick. His plea, “I don’t want to see kung fu in the waltz,” made me laugh.

Ashley Hamilton with Edyta Sliwinska

George Hamilton’s kid is very tall, producing a robotic element to this routine. He’ll probably get farther than Liddell, but he needs to loosen up. As for Edyta, the woman is incredible — both at dancing and making me want to move to Poland.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson

I thought this was the most “natural” dance so far. Both dancers seemed comfortable, yet energetic. Apparently, the judges weren’t fooled and urged Osmond to focus on the steps rather than the showmanship. “Too much razzmatazz,” says the crotchety Goodman, and with that statement alone I’ve gained a newfound appreciation for older Brits.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower

This is by far the youngest team in the competition and it shows. Still, their routine is endearing and the judges recognize that. At this point, the professional snowboarder certainly has a better chance than The Iceman.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova

It’s a shame, because he was so captivating at the start. He just needs to learn to retain that enthusiasm for an entire performance. This was just dialing it in and he’s not even the professional!

Tom DeLay with Cheryl Burke

Delay’s presence is obviously getting the most press. It’s just weird, and though I’d rather it were Dick Cheney, there’s something sublime about an aging American politician dancing with a sexy, young woman.

Salsa and Viennese relays

Split up into groups of four, each duo is given 30 seconds to execute the dance they did not perform earlier. Ashley Hamilton, Chuck Liddell, and Michael Irvin are the least impressive. And remember, my opinion matters because I’ve been familiar with dance for all of two hours.

To be fair, I really need to watch the next show to review the other contestants. (Translated: Natalie Coughlin, one of the competitors, is really pretty.) Below are my thoughts on the second episode.

Episode 1.2

Tonight, it’s time for the female celebrities to hit the floor.

Debi Mazar with Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Hey, it’s Vince’s publicist from “Entourage” and yet another foreign dancer. For the record, I’m watching this with my mom, and that brings both it’s share of problems and benefits. The show’s format is incredibly easy to follow, but she insists on explaining everything, like how the elementary judging process works. Moms.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas

They keep repeating that Melissa Joan Hart is best known as the lead actress from “Sabrina the Teenage Witch,” but my generation will forever associate her as Clarissa from “Clarissa Explains it All.” She looks exactly the same and now I’m thinking about Larissa Oleynik from “The Secret World of Alex Mack.” God, she was cute. Nickelodeon used to have it together. What ever happened to that network? Oh yeah, I’m old now.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin

Mya was one of my first celebrity crushes and she still looks great. As a qualified dancing twit, I believe Mya and Dmitry did a nice job. However, judge Len Goodman is throwing a geriatric hissy fit because they didn’t perform a traditional Viennese Waltz. The audience is vehemently booing him — I’m laughing my ass off at home. I wonder what he thinks of “jerk” dancing.

Kathy Ireland with Tony Dovolani

My moms keeps mumbling expressions like “bless her heart” and “aw, good for her.” Knowing my mom, that means Kathy Ireland can’t dance.

Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo

The female Michael Phelps, Olympic swimmer Natalie Coughlin is…really pretty. A three-time gold medalist, Coughlin has an incredible body and is undoubtedly in better shape than the her female competition. Judge Goodman is complaining again. This time he’s confused why all these pretty girls can’t make the salsa sexy. He wants more sex appeal and I couldn’t agree more.

Macy Gray with Jonathan Roberts

The judges seemed to like Gray’s “vulnerability” and “unique style.” Of course, this is code for “you’re not going to make it very far.” In her interview after, Gray says something which the censors have to bleep for around three seconds. The hosts, judges, and fellow contestants are all shocked. Unfortunately, I can’t tell what she said. My mom just thinks she’s drunk.

UPDATE: She said the dance “almost busted her cherry.” Let that swim around your brain for a while.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough

In the “getting to know” segment they run before each dance, it’s clear I wouldn’t get along with either of these individuals in the real world. Nevertheless, this is the best dance of the night.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel

Yep, that Kelly Osbourne. During “The Osbournes,” she was viewed as obnoxious and unflattering. Still, she was only a kid and I never watched the show. Now, she’s 24, pretty, enthusiastic, and can dance. It may not look as natural as Mya or as dynamic as Joanna Krupa, but Kelly has a vivid passion the others are lacking.

Fox Trot and Viennese Waltz relays

With these quick dances, it’s easier to predict who won’t get far. Macy Gray, Kathy Ireland, Melissa Joan Hart, and Debi Mazar desperately need to spice things up if they’re going to advance. Natalie Coughlin has the athleticism, but needs to relax a bit. Like NASCAR, you have to root for someone even if you’re not a fan of the event, so I’m choosing Kelly. Mya and Joanna have the raw talent, but I think Kelly has the will to go deep.

Damn. If you watch two episodes, you might as well complete the whole season, right? Right?

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