Tag: Kelly Osbourne Dancing with the Stars (Page 1 of 3)

Dancing with the Stars 9.21 — Season Finale

Osmond


Given the time of year, I’ve been very busy, so that’s why I’m posting my thoughts on the season finale of “Dancing with the Stars” a bit late. I’m still angry at the outcome.

Looking at each of the 16 couples out there, I can’t believe how long I’ve been writing about the show. It’s been a learning experience, that’s for sure. Hopefully this knowledge will be of use someday, but I’m having trouble picturing that scenario.

We haven’t seen Whitney Houston for a while. How many comebacks does one get before they’re just a nostalgia act? An artist can’t fail on their first comeback and then call their return a few years later another comeback. A comeback somehow implies success. I’d call Whitney Houston’s current situation an “attempt.”

Ashley Hamilton looks like a Target model.

I guess it’s exciting to see all these celebrities back on the dance floor. I forgot Macy Gray was a contestant. Watching Natalie kick ass again, it’s obvious that she should be in the finals. She has the strength, flexibility, and finesse that is made for ballroom dancing. She’s the only one who could have given Mya a run for her money. I still have no clue why fans didn’t vote for her.

Kelly Osbourne with Louie Van Amstel (Viennese waltz)

So, Kelly and Louis just made everyone cry. You know, as much as I hate buying into the simple stories of some of these celebrities, Kelly Osbourne’s progress on this show is quite touching. She and I are about the same age, and I specifically remember watching her on “The Osbournes” and thinking she was a terror. She’s redeemed herself on this show in my book. I just hope she doesn’t make a sex tape or land another reality gig.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (jive)

Yeah, yeah, we get it — you guys are going to win.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Argentine tango)

Was this dance this boring the first time? I imagine the steps are virtually the same, but it’s missing the gusto an Argentine tango should contain. Also, Donny nearly dropped Kym at the end.

How in the hell did Donny and Kym get first place for this final dance? Kelly and Louie produced the waterworks and they get third? Not fair.

I didn’t really pay attention to the “Michael Irvin vs. Jerry Rice” segment. You didn’t either.

Aaron Carter is a talented dancer. One could make a case that he belongs in the finals. What is he going to do now that his time on the show is complete? Oh yeah, we didn’t really know what he was doing before he learned to do the rumba.

The group mambo with Joanna Krupa, Steve Wozniak, Jerry Springer, and Cloris Leachman barely kept me awake. Is the finale always two hours? That’s a very long time to make us wait just to find out who the champion is.

More Whitney Houston. She came back. Another comeback.

Kelly and Louis just got third place. When did I start writing these things? Three months ago? Wow. It truly must have been a life-changing experience for Kelly. She brought something new to the table every week and it’s been exciting to witness her success on this show.

Congratulations to Donny and Kym for winning Season 9 of “Dancing with the Stars.” Throughout this competition, I’ve complimented Donny’s ability to be both technical and entertaining.

Mya is a different type of dancer. What are the words I’m looking for? Oh yes, she’s a better dancer. She’s a better dancer than Donny — easily. Every time she and Dmitry took the floor, I would forget about my obligation to critique her routine. Seriously, what are her flaws? I challenge any of my readers to state a convincing argument why Donny deserved to win

Donny owes the state of Utah a huge “thank you.” I don’t know why I’m so angry. Donny seems like a good guy, but he must know that Mya got screwed.

Lap it up, Utah. You have the new “Dancing with the Stars” and MLS Cup champions.

Dancing with the Stars 9.20 — Round Ten (the finals)

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Only two more shows until we have a new champion. I tend to think of it as the first championship, since I had never watched “Dancing with the Stars” until this season. Has there been another contestant on this show as good as Mya, the R&B singer about to walk away with the mirrorball? I doubt it. She really is a gifted dancer and I can’t imagine any celebrity from past seasons that match her ability.

My list of crushes growing up is hazy at best. I remember thinking Larisa Oleynik from “The Secret World of Alex Mack” was very cute. She may have been my first crush. At some point around this time, I saw Pras’ “Ghetto Superstar” music video. The song featured Ol’ Dirty Bastard and Mya, a young singer with a soothing voice and, in my eyes, the perfect face. Now its 2009 and she still looks great — now she’s even a terrific dancer.

Donny and Kelly will have to be phenomenal tonight if they have any chance at winning this thing.

Couples Dance

Each of the judges gave one of the teams some pointers. Let’s see if the couples paid attention.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (Argentine tango)

This performance was sharp and focused. Still, she didn’t show any character. Actually, the celebrities rarely do. Donny is the only one who attempts to bring any theater to the dance, but that sometimes fails. Although I expect Kelly to finish in third, she has certainly improved by greater strides than any of her opponents — they just had more talent to being with.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (paso doble)

So, Mya is the clear-cut favorite to take home the trophy. Even though she nailed the footwork in this routine, I think it lacked intensity. This team rarely bores me, but I expected something more powerful since it’s the finals.

I’ve been watching this show for months and I still don’t know squat, apparently. The judges all loved it.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (cha cha cha)

Donny should have been ousted last week, but American women who grew up with Donny in the 70s kept him afloat. This is the best Donny has danced in a couple weeks — not a bad time to get it going.

Megamix

All couples will dance three styles (Viennese waltz, samba, jive) back-to-back. They will then be judged first, second, and third.

Already, I don’t like this. How can the judges possibly monitor all three teams at once? Each of the couples are dancing to their own rhythm. Which is correct? They are all doing different moves at different times. This looks so sloppy, the judges should just disregard this whole performance. If there is another season (obviously, I’m kidding), they shouldn’t bring back this “Megamix” mess. Here’s how the couples placed:

1st: Mya and Dmitry
2nd: Donny and Kym
3rd: Kelly and Louis

Go figure.

Freestyle

The couples pick the music and construct their own dance, which doesn’t have to stay within a certain genre.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel

She looks really pretty. That’s cool. I’m amazed that she kept her composure after falling. I expected her to break down and cry, but she didn’t. She just kept smiling and dancing.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin

I don’t think I ever noticed how talented Dmitry was until this dance. I’ve always focused on Mya, which makes complete sense.

Anyway, what the hell happened with this dance? Something just seemed off.

Oh well, they still got a score of 27.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson

This was probably the best dance of the night, correct? The choreography was designed in a way to keep everything interesting. I don’t think this dance will get him the mirrorball, but he deserves second place.

Hm, maybe he will win. He just got a perfect score.

I’ll talk to you guys in a bit.

Dancing with the Stars 9.18 — Round Nine

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We are down to the final four couples and I’m already fantasizing about how I’ll spend my Monday nights after they crown a champion. Will I take up bowling? Will I go on a weekly jog? Will I practice more guitar scales? Or will I just go to bed earlier? These are my fantasies.

To the delight of millions, a new season of “Dancing with the Stars” will probably begin shortly after this one. With my luck, next season will have twenty “stars.”

Each of the four remaining couples will perform three dances tonight. This has never been done in the history of the show. Kelly, Mya, and Joanna should be fine given their ages. I’m just concerned about Donny. He always looks exhausted after one dance — I don’t know how he can handle three. He’ll be able to memorize the routines, but his execution might be a tad grueling during his final dance.

Dance #1

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (tango)

Donny is unable to make a dance serious. Every time he tires to play up the masculinity, his footwork suffers. This dance was all over the place. Sorry to say, Chuck Liddell could have done better.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (Viennese waltz)

I want to know who does this song. It reminds me of Gram Parsons in a weird way.

Yep, they did a great job. It wasn’t very romantic or anything — it just seemed “standard” and sometimes that’s all the judges want. Also, they’re finally starting to seem like a team.

What? The Bee Gees are going to be on tomorrow? I don’t care who wins anymore. I just want to see the Gibbs!

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (rumba)

Kelly’s routines always feel as though they’re dipped in tar. Focusing tremendously on the steps, she moves a bit slower than the other performers. Still, unlike Len Goodman, I think this was her best dance of the season. She moved with grace and brought a sense of character to this rumba.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (waltz)

Honestly, I can never find any of Mya’s mistakes. The judges are even on her side now. She’ll probably face Joanna in the finals, but Mya deserves praise for her performance over the entire season. As far as I’m concerned, she steals the show every week.

Dance #2

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (samba)

This dance of theirs definitely of topped the one from earlier. When Donny finds a groove, it’s almost impossible for him to make a mistake.

At this point, I’m not positive whether or not Donny can astound the judges with his final dance of the night. He should choose a faster dance, even if he’s tired.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (cha cha cha)

Joanna’s sister, Marta, is a babe. I just wanted to get that out of the way. Come to think of it, the producer should nab her for next season.

Why do the celebrities sometimes mouth the song’s lyrics when they perform? Is it to help them keep time? The pros never do it. It’s just distracting.

Anyway, this routine must have only been 30 seconds. She seems very confident out there. Also, she uses her face in a way the other dancers have yet to master. Joanna looks at the camera and smirks, drawing the attention away from her footwork. It’s a smart tactic.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (quick step)

Has Kelly lost 15 pounds over the last three months? She wasn’t even chubby to begin with, but she’s is in tremendous shape now.

I like this song, “99 Red Balloons.” I forget who sang it originally, but I’ve heard a bunch of cover versions.

Wow. Kelly actually got technical with this one. Louis almost dropped her at the end, but that was a minor blip.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (salsa)

There are numerous reasons why Mya should make it to the finals, but I often forget to watch how well the she works with her partner. Mya and Dmitry are constantly on the same wavelength. It’s almost as if Mya will never stumble or fall out of rhythm because Dmitry can anticipate her every step.

Len Goodman, you horny bastard. Here’s what he just said:

“I was mesmerized by your buttocks. I couldn’t stop looking — I’ve gotta be honest here.”

Ha!

Dance #3

These are the couples’ “knockout dances.” Each of the teams chose their own music and genre. Thus, they should nail their performance.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (jitterbug)

Carrie Ann is right — Donny needed this dance to be good. I thought Donny was going to bomb, but he came through. The choreography was interesting as well.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (salsa)

They should have picked a slower dance. The judges are probably tired of all the shaking and jumping (I still appreciate it).

Actually, they’ll be fine. This dance was excellent. Kelly is really going to have to blow us away if she wants to find herself in the finals. As of right now, it’s Mya and Joanna, no question.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (cha cha cha)

Did they only dance for three seconds? She was really sharp and smiled the whole way through. She actually might make it the finals. If she does, she can thank the voters at home.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (cha cha cha)

Obviously, they killed it. That flip thing Dmitry did at the end was cool.

I guess three couples make it to the finals, which doesn’t quite make sense. I think Donny is done.

Dancing with the Stars 9.16 — Round Eight

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We are down to five couples, producing a lopsided quarterfinal. One of these couples will be exiled from the ballroom tomorrow night. I’m not positive what route the elimination process takes from that point on, but I hope it’s respectful towards my patience. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care who won this thing, but I don’t want to find out in 2010. I admire those who have watched every episode this season. What were the producers thinking when they decided to start with 16 celebrities? It’s far too much dancing, most of which is an eyesore. Still, you guys stay strong, knowing a mildly interesting celebrity such as Aaron Carter or Joanna Krupa will win something called the “mirrorball.” Obviously, we don’t consider their “star power” at this point. We just want to see a fun performance. Considering those that remain, I think the judges and America nearly got it right.

Each couple will perform two dances tonight because, well, there’s a hefty time slot to fill. It is more of a challenge, however, to master multiple dances in one week, so the better contestants should prevail.

I wish there was a Laker game on, but hey, it’s “Dancing with the Stars!”

Dance #1

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (quick step)

I knew Len Goodman would come around. He couldn’t continue giving Mya mediocre scores all season. She really deserved his score of 10. Since Mya kicked off the show, it will be interesting to see if the other couples can match her and Dmitry’s performance.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (fox trot)

I’ve been impressed by Aaron over the past two weeks. I really didn’t think he would make it this far. Considering Donny loses steam, voters stop pimping Kelly, and Joanna commits a horrible mistake, Aaron should find himself in the finals. Karina is battling a fever, but I couldn’t tell. This fox trot wasn’t perfect, but I think the judges will show this team some pity later in the night.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (quick step)

This dance was just a bunch of running. It looked like a slightly choreographed cartoon of two kids chasing each other around a schoolyard. Joanna needs to nail her next routine if she wants to make the semifinals. The audience should also note that these dances are much longer, leaving more room to screw up.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (fox trot)

It’s funny. I needed somebody to root for early in the season, so I picked Kelly. However, I’ve been silently wishing for her elimination for a while now. Her performances are consistently the weakest and I’m wondering why America is keeping her alive in this competition. What is it? Do you like that she keeps claiming she’s become a “lady” on this show? Please.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Vienese waltz)

Donny and Mya are the only celebrities who are very good with dances at various tempos. I rarely catch Donny making a mistake. If the show’s schedule doesn’t tire him out, he might be able to surpass Aaron and make it to the finals.

Dance #2

Hopefully this makes sense. The couples will now perform era-specific Latin dances. As you’ll see, Mya got the 70s, so Dmitry had to choreograph a samba with influences from that decade. I would have no clue where to start.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (70s samba)

Look at Mya’s back. How does it bend like that? Her whole body is a coil. Kelly and Joanna don’t have that kind of flexibility. Compare Mya to Karina and you’ll notice the similarity in the way each uses their back. The girl is nearly performing at the same level as the female pros.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (90s samba)

They were very sharp. Somehow, Aaron manages to improve every week. He may not have the natural ability, but it’s obvious that he really listens to his teacher. He must put in countless hours of practice.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (futuristic paso doble)

Props to Derek for constructing such a challenging dance. I don’t know how he did it. Sure, those dorky metallic outfits were a bit distracting, but their performance really seemed like a “paso doble from the future.” The song selection was spot on as well. I’m not sure what song the band played, but it sounded like a mishmash of Devo and Sterolab. Joanna is back in this thing.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (60s jive)

Kelly is lucky she got the 60s. She is a talented dancer, but she doesn’t have the ability to pull off what Joanna and Derek just accomplished. Nevertheless, she found her comfort zone with this jive. The faster-paced routines prevent her anxiety from causing too much damage.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (80s paso doble)

Donny was visibly fatigued. He might not have the energy to tackle two dances in one week. He wasn’t fluid or charismatic. Instead, he labored through many of the steps.

Who do you guys think is the next to go home?

Dancing with the Stars 9.14 — Round Seven

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This blog was recently voted “Blog Least Likely to Inspire Anyone to Enter the Dancing Profession” and I have to say that, although I gave myself the award, the recognition is well-deserved. For three hours each week (including the results show), I plop myself in front of the TV and am reaffirmed that I will never learn how to dance. Aaron Carter — who has a frightening dedication to this show — is now in the seventh week. He still isn’t all that great. I couldn’t spend two months on a new hobby without seeing much progress. Like mastering chess or completing Guitar Hero, life is too short to waste time on certain things. (I apologize to all future Bobby Fischers and professional gamers everywhere.) Put me in a ballroom dancing class and I’m the guy leaving in a huff because he keeps tripping over his own feet.

Do I like dancing? Yes I do — after four shots of Jameson with Paul Simon on the juke box, which is surrounded by hip-looking girls in leggings. Can I dance? Of course I can — in my own mind. My feet usually receive the messages three steps too late. However, what this produces is a dance so bad and inappropriate that it is spectacular. So why learn to ballroom dance, when I’m already perfect at dancing horribly? Exactly.

Lord knows I’ll meet a woman who demands I learn the waltz, bolero, and Argentine tango. When that day comes, I’ll be on “Dancing with Stars.”

And now, your favorite blog about this show…

I should probably make some predictions because, I don’t know, that’s what people do who watch these types of show. I think Mya, Joanna, Donny, and Mark make the final four.

Couples

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (fox trot)

I have no clue what the fox trot looks like, but I’m just going to assume that Michael Irvin can’t do it properly. Viewers must really like the guy. The judges are complimenting his dance. I must be looking for something else. I’ll focus more on his footwork next week.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (quick step)

Aside from the one moment where Donny looked at his feet, I thought he did fine. His dances are always more articulate than most of his competition and I hope the viewers recognize that. He combines entertainment and accuracy, so he deserves to advance.

Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya (samba)

Unfortunately, Lacey is out with the flu, so he’s dancing with Anna Trebunskaya on short notice. This might not go so well.

Yawn. Why didn’t Mark do any dancing? He couldn’t get in rhythm and was visibly nervous out there. Every time a celebrity has to dance with a different partner, the performance suffers. If he survives elimination, he’ll need Lacey back.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (fox trot)

They did a great job. I don’t know why Len is so hard on Mya — it almost feels contrived. My guess is, she continues to dissatisfy Len for the remaining rounds. Then, in the finals, he gives her a perfect score.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (jive)

I hope Aaron pulls this off so we don’t have to see him break down in a puddle of his own tears. Damn. He finally performed an entertaining dance. I don’t know where he found all that energy, but it worked.

They just got a score of 29.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (salsa)

The past few weeks, Kelly has freaked out while practicing. When she doesn’t let loose, she maims the dance. From what we saw in the package, this salsa shouldn’t be any different.

I didn’t expect her to do this well. She looks less rigid during the upbeat dances.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (rumba)

Something is always lacking in her dances that I just can’t pinpoint. She turns the focus solely on her and I’m not sure it works to her advantage. Although she memorizes the steps, her performances tend to put me to sleep, despite her hotness.

Teams

Couples will be grouped into teams and either perform the paso doble or the tango. The score will then be combined with that of their dances from earlier in the night.

Paso Doble
(Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova, Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya, Mya with Dmitry Chaplin, Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff)

Only half of this dance looked in sync. They kept the intensity up and stayed in character the entire time, so the other team will have to match that in their performance. Mya easily stole the show.

That goatee looks ridiculous on Aaron.

Tango
(Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson, Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel, Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough)

Man, they slayed the other team. Both their solos and group parts were fun to watch. I can’t recall one moment where things got sloppy.

Two couples are finished tomorrow.

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