Tag: Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo

Dancing with the Stars 9.9 — Round Four: Results Show

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All the women are safe tonight. That goes without saying. Before last night’s episode, the only female contestant really in jeopardy was Melissa Joan Hart. But look at her now. Len Goodman has asked her and partner Mark Ballas to once again perform the Charleston. Melissa surprised everyone last night, finally improving after weeks of sub-par dancing.

I’m predicting either Chuck Lidell or Michael Irvin will get the boot tonight. I mean, who else would it be?

I didn’t even know Shakira was still around. She looks great, glaring and smirking at the audience. I would never listen to this song on my own time, but I would watch the music video on mute.

So, the pros are obviously pros for a reason. That group dance was really cool. It makes a 24 year-old dude like myself consider taking a class to impress a lady. Actually, forget that — the fact that I’m fine with watching this show is enough.

I can’t believe America spared Michael Irvin. Louie Vito and Aaron Carter were obviously…wait, Shakira’s on the screen.

I wonder how well Shakira can dance. I think she should be on the next season of “Dancing with the Stars,” along with Megan Fox, Marisa Miller, and the San Diego Chargers Cheerleaders.

Chuck Lidell and Aaron Carter are the contestants on tonight’s chopping block. Lidell has definitely been entertaining, but he hasn’t contributed one dance with anything close to a textbook accuracy. Aaron Carter actually has a knack for this stuff. And the loser is…

Chuck. He shouldn’t really care, anyway. He still has the MMA and his credibility. Aaron Carter has much more riding on this competition.

Dancing with the Stars 9.8 — Round Four

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I’ve been watching every game from the MLB playoffs and am in the mood for some more competition! Will tonight’s episode of “Dancing with the Stars” be just as exciting? Probably not, but at least we’ll be treated to a laugh or two, won’t we?

This evening, each of the 11 remaining couples will have to perform a new style of dance. Given that it’s the fourth week, nobody should stink up the place.

Chuck Lidell with Anna Trebunskaya (two step)

It’s just silly. I don’t know how long America will let Lidell skate by with these sloppy performances.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas (Charleston)

Good. I thougt they were going to keep that black and white effect on the entire time. Melissa is much improved this week. Her feet seem to glide rather than stutter. They just got a score of 28. I didn’t expect that given their performance last week.

Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo (bolero)

I know I say it every week, but Natalie Coughlin is beautiful. Natalie, if you’re reading, I’m in this thing if you are. Just leave me a comment and we’ll be married by Friday.

Only a talented dancer could execute this one properly. They weren’t perfect, but they’re in no danger of going home.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (lambada)

After receiving his low scores, Aaron Carter cried in Michael Irvin’s arms last week. Nevertheless, the judges still aren’t showing any sympathy as they really ripped into him this time around. I thought he was fine. Hey, look, a new commercial with Penelope Cruz.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer (two step)

Carrie Ann’s right — this was the most exciting two step on the night. Both showed a certain athleticism that dancers should have. Lacey isn’t a skinny little thing by any means. This girl has muscles and a fun presence.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (Charleston)

How great was the music from the Roaring Twenties? I just like that big band sound. The entire bounce and groove of the music makes me want to learn tuba for some reason.

It seems like Kelly and Louis fed off the energy provided by the music. Kelly was loose, confident, and entertaining — all qualities that will keep her alive in this competition.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (lambada)

This dance may have started off steamy, but where did all that energy go after the first 20 seconds? The Charleston actually doesn’t look that complicated, and I say that with years and years of sitting on the couch.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Charleston)

Although Melissa and Kelly were both solid during this dance, Donny’s performance was the most complete. He and Kym stay in sync practically every time they go out there. They don’t a have a sensual chemistry, but they still compliment each other nicely.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (bolero)

Len Goodman agrees with me. Of all the dances performed this season, the bolero is the most difficult. It’s unfortunate Michael Irvin got stuck with it. Simply put, he could have been better. Either Michael Irvin or Chuck Lidell will be eliminated tomorrow.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower (two step)

I take that back. What the hell happened to Louie Vito? He entered this competition with so much energy and I’m left wondering where it all went.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (lambada)

I’m surprised Len was so critical. I thought this was the dance of the night. Mya and Dmitry outperform the other couples every week. We still have a few more rounds to go, but at this point I’m predicting Mya will face Natalie in the finals.

Of course, I’ll be back tomorrow with some hard-hitting analysis of tonight’s results show.

Dancing with the Stars 9.7 — Round Three: Results Show

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Earlier, I predicted that either Debi Mazar, Michael Irvin, or Chuck Lidell would be eliminated on tonight’s results show. My statement sent shock waves throughout the Internet landscape, leading to vicious emails calling for my dismissal from the Single Men’s Dancing With The Stars Blogging Alliance. Listen, sometimes you have to be the bad guy.

I see bodies gyrating on my screen. Let’s do this.

Uh oh. Maybe I was overcritical of Chuck Lidell’s samba. Len Goodman has asked him and Anna Trebunskaya to perform the dance once again to kick off tonight’s program. Wait, no. I wasn’t wrong in the slightest. Lidell is fumbling around like he has crocodiles chomping at his feet. I bet Goodman just wanted to see this for his own amusement.

Queen Latifiah is singing a new song of hers called “Fast Cars.” When was the last time she recorded an album, anyway? Like most, I’ve gotten so used to thinking of her as an actress. She should just stick with that, come to think of it.

I told you! Tom DeLay is safe. Turns out there’s still a few republicans left in this country. America has also chosen to keep Chuck Lidell around, so we’re bound to see at least one more painfully goofy dance. Michael Irvin is in trouble.

Sadly, Tom DeLay just withdrew from the competition because of the stress fractures in his feet. This can’t be good for ABC, as I’m sure DeLay has been helping with the ratings. He was entertaining to watch, primarily because he wasn’t very good. Regardless, I admire his resilience and hope he gets better soon.

To keep things fair, somebody will still be eliminated later tonight. However, it won’t be Donny Osmond, Louie Vito, or Mark Dacascos. America wants them to keep on keepin’ on.

I don’t really know the story with this hip hop dance crew called JabbaWockeez. I already dislike them because I spent way too much time trying to find the correct spelling of their name. The choreography was interesting, I guess.

More Queen Latifah. I appreciate the Motown influence on this number.

Hosts Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris just announced that Kelly Osbourne and Melissa Joan Hart are safe. Perhaps America is pulling for Ozzy’s once misguided daughter.

So, who will be going home between Michael Irvin, Joanna Krupa, Aaron Carter, and Debi Mazar?

It’s Debi. Really? Come on, America!

Dancing with the Stars 9.5 — Round Two: Results Show

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I’ve got a feeling tonight is the end of the line for either Kathy Ireland or Chuck Lidell. Kathy, because she hasn’t progressed since Week One and Chuck, because the larger American public doesn’t connect with him. Plus, you know his MMA buddies aren’t flooding the lines with their votes. Kelly Osbourne and Tom DeLay are on thin ice, but I think they’ll survive this elimination round.

Baz Lurhmann is sitting in for Len Goodman once again and he’s asked Mya and Dmitry to perform their Jive from the night before. Watching Mya, it’s clear she has more natural dancing ability than any of the other celebrities. What song is this, by the way? The female voice-over sounds like Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.

Joss Stone disappeared for the last three or four years, correct? Her voice sounds like a mixture of Al Green and Janis Joplin. It’s surprising when you realize she’s a cute, skinny, white girl from England.

Now Selena Gomez, the next Disney susperstar, is on stage. Only 17, her new album, Kiss and Tell, is about to rake in millions of dollars and set little Selena for life. It’s sad. Disney doesn’t even try anymore. They’re just completely up front with how they manufacture their young talent. Soaked in reverb, echo, and overdubs, Selena Gomez sounds more like a mother of two than a teenager. When she steps slightly away from the mic while singing, you can actually hear her natural voice. Yeah, that wouldn’t sell too well, would it?

Was anybody else disappointed by that whole USC Marching Band/break dance showcase? I expected something more entertaining.

Joss Stone would perform “Son of a Preacher Man,” wouldn’t she? The oldie was popularized by Dusty Springfield and then Aretha Franklin. I’m really digging Stones’ rendition, supported by those popping backup singers.

I’m surprised it’s Debi Mazar, rather than Chuck Lidell, facing elimination against Kathy Ireland. Mazar’s Tango actually had “feeling.” While Kathy Ireland seems really sweet, there’s no way she should stay over Debi Mazar. And she’s not.

Why do they make the recent eliminations perform a “final dance?” It’s bad enough that they lost, but now they have to dance dejectedly in front of millions watching at home? At least Kathy took it like a champ.

“Dancing with the Stars” returns next Monday at 8 PM on ABC.

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