Tag: Dancing with the Stars Season 9 Round 6

Dancing with the Stars 9.13 — Round Six Results Show

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The 2009-10 NBA season kicked off tonight, so I was at odds with how to schedule my television viewing. Do I watch my beloved Lakers and record the latest installment of “Dancing with the Stars?” Of course, that would mean posting my popular recap hours after the show’s completion. I hate depriving my rabid fan base of high school girls, everyday wives, complacent husbands, and troubled bachelors of my ill-informed thoughts. Or do I switch back and forth between basketball and dance, punching away without direction or composure, so all can devour the review before bedtime? Or do I even revert to Option C and actually record the basketball game, in order to devote my full attention to ABC’s hit show while the night is young? I could always watch the game in the wee hours. Better yet, I could simply check The Scores Report — a website with fantastic writers — to get my fill of NBA news and analysis.

Well, it’s midnight and I’m just now getting to this post. Looking at the title, I obviously won’t be discussing the Lakers. Something happens to the male brain after 12 AM. Whiskey, guitars, friends, women, and Pringles are the only things I want in my vicinity. If these delicacies are unattainable, I just want my bed. And guess what I’m next to right now? My bed, and she looks lovely. Writing, or writing about “Dancing with the Stars” rather, is not my current idea of fun. I really should be outside typing on a rock, just so I don’t fall asleep.

Nothing says procrastination like spending two paragraphs off-topic. For the love of God, it’s “Dancing with the Stars!”

Supposedly, two celebrities will be knocked out tonight. I really hope it’s Michael Irvin and Melissa Joan Hart. I never look forward to their routines. I can handle the others.

Hey, hey, hey. Taylor Swift is the musical guest tonight and she’s looking very pretty with her shame-inducing youthfulness. Taylor Swift is the kind of female celebrity that normal guys think, I bet she’ll grow up to be a class act. I think she would like me if I got the chance to meet her. She’d go out with me. Yeah, she seems nice. Wrong. Taylor Swift will be married to one of those vampires from “Twilight” in less than two years. Don’t be the guy who sits at home in his boxers listening to her latest album (which was downloaded illegally), wondering what could have been.

When you’re craving a date with your pillow, listening to Cuban music is not enjoyable in the slightest. I didn’t catch the name of the band, but really, am I going to buy the record? I’m not going to tell my friend Dave, “Hey Dave, guess what I saw last night — this amazing Cuban band. No, not in person. I actually caught them on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ No, it’s not weird that I watch it.” As a musician, I love the syncopated rhythms of Latin music. I just can’t handle them right now.

Taylor Swift is on stage performing “Love Story,” a song so ubiquitous a schlub such as myself knows most of the words.

Melissa Joan Hart is going home. She seems like a nice lady, but I’ll never forget when she was all the rage on Nickelodeon. Now, Louie/Chelsea and Michael/Anna will compete in some sort of “dance off” to determine who stays.

Dance Off

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (samba)

Michael Irvin always brings the excitement. The problem is, he seems like any other clueless male out there. This dance was no different. He just doesn’t have any technique. He always settles for a simplified routine and I hope the judges don’t let him off the hook.

Louie Vito with Chelsea Hightower (jive)

Louie Vito, on the other hand, packs plenty of content into each of his dances. He focuses on the steps and works well with his partner. I doubt Louie will make it past Round Seven, but judging by his performance tonight, he deserves another chance.

I don’t understand why the judges went with Michael Irvin. Even Len Goodman, who is a stickler for technique, didn’t pick Louie.

Don’t worry about it, Louie. America didn’t even know who you were two months ago.

Dancing with the Stars 9.12 — Round Six

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Last week, one of the stronger dancers was eliminated because America likes to reward inadequacy. It’s troubling to a new viewer such as myself who is more interested in the show’s competitive aspects. When Natalie Coughlin got the boot, I realized this show couldn’t be both entertaining and fair. If the producers wanted to acknowledge talent, the judges would decide the outcomes. Voters calling in currently affect half the decision, and this was enough to eliminate Natalie Coughlin before a weaker dancer like Kelly Osbourne. It was sad and stupid. The judges looked betrayed. They had probably expected Natalie to face Mya in the finals. Now, because America consistently roots for the underdog, that won’t happen. The show should lower the influence on the voter’s percentage and reduce the number from 50 percent to 25 percent. Don’t even tell the viewers. Just do it. I can’t believe Michael Irvin is still in this competition. I mean, what is wrong you people? You really wanted to watch him dance over Natalie? Give me a break.

Nine couples remain. At this rate, we should be done by the Super Bowl.

Team Dances

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (jitterbug)

Here’s the problem. The judges actually give the talented dancers harsher criticism. When the weaker celebrities perform, they pepper their low scores with compliments. The viewers aren’t really paying attention to the scores, but to what the judges say. Therefore, when they hear negative comments, they automatically assume the dance was bad. This constantly happened with Natalie Coughlin and she was prematurely sent home. Mya is easily the most skilled dancer out of the celebrities. The judges know it, but they’re not expressing it clearly enough. If they want Mya to stay, they need to voice their praise.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas (waltz)

Man, Natalie Coughlin would have owned this dance. Melissa is so stiff. Her partner is pulling her along like she’s on a rope.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer (jitterbug)

The judges better give this one high scores. The dance had character, energy, chemistry, and humor. I don’t know. Of all the dances I’ve seen this season, this was my favorite.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (waltz)

They’re dancing to “Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady” by the Commodores. Seems like a strange choice to me. Carter did a good job with the steps, which appeared complicated. He just takes this show so seriously. I always feel like he’s going to burst into tears when he gets a negative comment.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (waltz)

Why was this dance so funny? Was it because he kept smiling while performing a dumbed-down version of the waltz? He legitimately looks like he’s enjoying himself out there, but his dances are never impressive.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (jitterbug)

I agree with what the judges said. Kelly is never completely confident or comfortable. It’s a little too late to harness her talent. Still, I don’t think she has the ability to compete with Mya, Mark, or Donny.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower (jitterbug)

I thought Louie would be dominating by now. He was very entertaining in the first two rounds, but has lost some steam. Like Kelly, he is one of the crowd favorites, but that means less and less at this point in the competition. This jitterbug was all over the place. I was fond of all the acrobatics, but not the occasional sloppiness.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (waltz)

Somebody please tell me who originally performed this song! It feels very familiar to me. As for the dance, I appreciated it. Joanna and Derek reminded me of an old married couple rather than two bubbly youngsters.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (jitterbug)

Each week, I’m surprised by Donny’s performance. I always expect an unenthusiastic and stiff routine, but that never happens. He knows how to entertain a room in a way the other celebrities are yet to master. You forget about his footwork because you’re watching Donny and Kym as a team. They work and dazzle as a unit. It’s hard to critique Donny when you’re focused on both dancers.

Group Mambo

All of the couples will start on the floor together. The judges will gradually eliminate the couples until the best remains.

Below is the order of elimination, which affects their overall score.

1. Michael and Anna
2. Louie and Chelsea
3. Melissa and Mark
4. Kelly and Louis
5. Mark and Lacey
6. Donny and Kym
7. Aaron and Karina
8. Mya and Dmity
9. Joanna and Derek

Did anybody notice the move where Derek bent Joanna in an awkward position, then thrust her up and down as if she were (you know)? I can’t believe they put that on camera.

Michael Irvin or Melissa Joan Hart are finished tomorrow. It’s time.

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