Tag: Natalie Coughlin Dancing with the Stars (Page 1 of 2)

Dancing with the Stars 9.9 — Round Four: Results Show

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All the women are safe tonight. That goes without saying. Before last night’s episode, the only female contestant really in jeopardy was Melissa Joan Hart. But look at her now. Len Goodman has asked her and partner Mark Ballas to once again perform the Charleston. Melissa surprised everyone last night, finally improving after weeks of sub-par dancing.

I’m predicting either Chuck Lidell or Michael Irvin will get the boot tonight. I mean, who else would it be?

I didn’t even know Shakira was still around. She looks great, glaring and smirking at the audience. I would never listen to this song on my own time, but I would watch the music video on mute.

So, the pros are obviously pros for a reason. That group dance was really cool. It makes a 24 year-old dude like myself consider taking a class to impress a lady. Actually, forget that — the fact that I’m fine with watching this show is enough.

I can’t believe America spared Michael Irvin. Louie Vito and Aaron Carter were obviously…wait, Shakira’s on the screen.

I wonder how well Shakira can dance. I think she should be on the next season of “Dancing with the Stars,” along with Megan Fox, Marisa Miller, and the San Diego Chargers Cheerleaders.

Chuck Lidell and Aaron Carter are the contestants on tonight’s chopping block. Lidell has definitely been entertaining, but he hasn’t contributed one dance with anything close to a textbook accuracy. Aaron Carter actually has a knack for this stuff. And the loser is…

Chuck. He shouldn’t really care, anyway. He still has the MMA and his credibility. Aaron Carter has much more riding on this competition.

Dancing with the Stars 9.8 — Round Four

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I’ve been watching every game from the MLB playoffs and am in the mood for some more competition! Will tonight’s episode of “Dancing with the Stars” be just as exciting? Probably not, but at least we’ll be treated to a laugh or two, won’t we?

This evening, each of the 11 remaining couples will have to perform a new style of dance. Given that it’s the fourth week, nobody should stink up the place.

Chuck Lidell with Anna Trebunskaya (two step)

It’s just silly. I don’t know how long America will let Lidell skate by with these sloppy performances.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas (Charleston)

Good. I thougt they were going to keep that black and white effect on the entire time. Melissa is much improved this week. Her feet seem to glide rather than stutter. They just got a score of 28. I didn’t expect that given their performance last week.

Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo (bolero)

I know I say it every week, but Natalie Coughlin is beautiful. Natalie, if you’re reading, I’m in this thing if you are. Just leave me a comment and we’ll be married by Friday.

Only a talented dancer could execute this one properly. They weren’t perfect, but they’re in no danger of going home.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (lambada)

After receiving his low scores, Aaron Carter cried in Michael Irvin’s arms last week. Nevertheless, the judges still aren’t showing any sympathy as they really ripped into him this time around. I thought he was fine. Hey, look, a new commercial with Penelope Cruz.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer (two step)

Carrie Ann’s right — this was the most exciting two step on the night. Both showed a certain athleticism that dancers should have. Lacey isn’t a skinny little thing by any means. This girl has muscles and a fun presence.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (Charleston)

How great was the music from the Roaring Twenties? I just like that big band sound. The entire bounce and groove of the music makes me want to learn tuba for some reason.

It seems like Kelly and Louis fed off the energy provided by the music. Kelly was loose, confident, and entertaining — all qualities that will keep her alive in this competition.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (lambada)

This dance may have started off steamy, but where did all that energy go after the first 20 seconds? The Charleston actually doesn’t look that complicated, and I say that with years and years of sitting on the couch.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Charleston)

Although Melissa and Kelly were both solid during this dance, Donny’s performance was the most complete. He and Kym stay in sync practically every time they go out there. They don’t a have a sensual chemistry, but they still compliment each other nicely.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (bolero)

Len Goodman agrees with me. Of all the dances performed this season, the bolero is the most difficult. It’s unfortunate Michael Irvin got stuck with it. Simply put, he could have been better. Either Michael Irvin or Chuck Lidell will be eliminated tomorrow.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower (two step)

I take that back. What the hell happened to Louie Vito? He entered this competition with so much energy and I’m left wondering where it all went.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (lambada)

I’m surprised Len was so critical. I thought this was the dance of the night. Mya and Dmitry outperform the other couples every week. We still have a few more rounds to go, but at this point I’m predicting Mya will face Natalie in the finals.

Of course, I’ll be back tomorrow with some hard-hitting analysis of tonight’s results show.

Dancing with the Stars 9.7 — Round Three: Results Show

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Earlier, I predicted that either Debi Mazar, Michael Irvin, or Chuck Lidell would be eliminated on tonight’s results show. My statement sent shock waves throughout the Internet landscape, leading to vicious emails calling for my dismissal from the Single Men’s Dancing With The Stars Blogging Alliance. Listen, sometimes you have to be the bad guy.

I see bodies gyrating on my screen. Let’s do this.

Uh oh. Maybe I was overcritical of Chuck Lidell’s samba. Len Goodman has asked him and Anna Trebunskaya to perform the dance once again to kick off tonight’s program. Wait, no. I wasn’t wrong in the slightest. Lidell is fumbling around like he has crocodiles chomping at his feet. I bet Goodman just wanted to see this for his own amusement.

Queen Latifiah is singing a new song of hers called “Fast Cars.” When was the last time she recorded an album, anyway? Like most, I’ve gotten so used to thinking of her as an actress. She should just stick with that, come to think of it.

I told you! Tom DeLay is safe. Turns out there’s still a few republicans left in this country. America has also chosen to keep Chuck Lidell around, so we’re bound to see at least one more painfully goofy dance. Michael Irvin is in trouble.

Sadly, Tom DeLay just withdrew from the competition because of the stress fractures in his feet. This can’t be good for ABC, as I’m sure DeLay has been helping with the ratings. He was entertaining to watch, primarily because he wasn’t very good. Regardless, I admire his resilience and hope he gets better soon.

To keep things fair, somebody will still be eliminated later tonight. However, it won’t be Donny Osmond, Louie Vito, or Mark Dacascos. America wants them to keep on keepin’ on.

I don’t really know the story with this hip hop dance crew called JabbaWockeez. I already dislike them because I spent way too much time trying to find the correct spelling of their name. The choreography was interesting, I guess.

More Queen Latifah. I appreciate the Motown influence on this number.

Hosts Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris just announced that Kelly Osbourne and Melissa Joan Hart are safe. Perhaps America is pulling for Ozzy’s once misguided daughter.

So, who will be going home between Michael Irvin, Joanna Krupa, Aaron Carter, and Debi Mazar?

It’s Debi. Really? Come on, America!

Dancing with the Stars 9.6 — Round Three

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During last week’s results show, Kathy Ireland and partner Tony Dovolani were sent home, leaving 13 couples remaining. I’m not too familiar with other competitions such as “American Idol,” but this new season of “Dancing with the Stars” began with 16 contestants — isn’t that a bit much? I originally thought two teams would be sent home each week. Well, that’s not the case at all. First, there’s a two-hour performance show, where nobody is eliminated. Then, the next day, there’s a results show, where one celebrity is retired. So we have thirteen weeks to go? Man, fans of this show must really be fans. I give you guys credit. If it weren’t for the female professional dances — courtesy of exotic nations around the globe — I’d be watching re-runs of something right now. I take that back. Len Goodman, my favorite rotten apple, is worth the price of admission alone.

And after missing all of last week, he’s back at the judges table tonight! We’re in for a good laugh or two. Apparently, tonight’s show is Latin-influenced, so I’m expecting some dances unfit for television.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer

Ah, the rumba. I actually did a paper on this dance in college for a music class. Still, I might as well have ditched every day since I don’t recognize what’s happening on my screen. It’s looked pretty fluid to me, but the judges want more personality as Dacascos looked like he was focusing too hard.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough

Jesus, who is this girl? Very sexy. I hope the rest of tonight’s dances have this amount of energy. This one had the intensity, and the judges rewarded them in kind.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin

I have a pool going with rest of the staff around here and I’ve picked Mya to win this entire competition. Although I’m lying about the pool, I do think Mya has looked the best so far. Right now, she’s tearing it up, performing what I think is another rumba. This dance had chemistry, sensuality, and flexibility (yeah, you know). They received a score of 27, the highest that’s been given this season.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas

Melissa is much-improved, looking more lively in this samba than she has in other dances. However, her partner constantly steals the spotlight, and I don’t think that’s supposed to happen.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower

I thought these guys got screwed last week. Their dance was awesome and they weren’t rewarded for it. As for this rumba, I’m not sure. They have the chemistry, but there’s just something odd about them that I can’t comprehend. It might be their youth, but I’m not sure I believe that. The audience is booing Len Goodman. Wow. He gave them a “5.”

Debi Mazar with Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Debi Mazar has a cool personality, but does she think she can dance? Oh, right, that’s a different show. It’s week three and she hasn’t improved. She better hope somebody completely blows it tonight.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson

I don’t know what just happened. Between all the flirting Donny did with Bruno, Carrie Ann’s startled reaction, and the impromptu interview with Paula Abdul, Donny’s rumba is a distant memory. It was smooth, I remember that. They’ll be safe come the results show.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova

This girl is growing on me. What is it about Russian women? The accent? The coldness? The hotness? Men, you get what I’m saying. Michael Irvin is a lucky man. Too bad he’s a boring dancer. Bruno made the comment that he’s regressed from last week. Debi and Michael on the chopping block?

Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo

Natalie Coughlin may actually be…gorgeous. Each week she seems to become more and more ravishing. Her dance tonight was fun and appeared technically accurate. She continues to improve and should give Mya some trouble down the line.

Chuck Lidell with Anna Trebunskaya

Not good. Come on, Chuck. All of the judges are giving back-handed compliments. Chuck and his cute little partner are going to go backstage now and receive very low scores. Yep, a total of “17.”

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff

Now that’s what I call a rumba. I know, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Aside from Carter’s brief mishap when he almost fell in the beginning, the dance was solid. He had trouble with this one, but it wasn’t so horrible as to get him kicked off. Coming in, they were at the top of the judges’ leader board. He’s safe.

Tom DeLay with Cheryl Burke

Even with a stress fracture in each foot, former Speaker of the House Tom DeLay has decided to compete. It looked like he was really struggling during rehearsals, so this could be a disaster. Smart of Cheryl Burke to wear that dress to draw attention away from Tom’s misgivings. The tactic may not fool the judges, but it’s sure to work on goons like me. Still, hats off to Tom DeLay. He’s older and he’s injured. What did we expect? Regardless of how the judges score this pair, I think the voters at home will keep them alive.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel

Hey, look at that. After suffering a complete meltdown last week, Kelly rebounded with this samba. She just needs to avoid panicking after the fist few movements. And yes, I stole that from Len Goodman.

By the looks of it, I think Debi Mazar, Michael Irvin, and Chuck Lidell are in jeopardy. Debi is a fan favorite, so her chances are slightly better. Check back tomorrow for my professional thoughts on the results show.

Dancing with the Stars 9.5 — Round Two: Results Show

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I’ve got a feeling tonight is the end of the line for either Kathy Ireland or Chuck Lidell. Kathy, because she hasn’t progressed since Week One and Chuck, because the larger American public doesn’t connect with him. Plus, you know his MMA buddies aren’t flooding the lines with their votes. Kelly Osbourne and Tom DeLay are on thin ice, but I think they’ll survive this elimination round.

Baz Lurhmann is sitting in for Len Goodman once again and he’s asked Mya and Dmitry to perform their Jive from the night before. Watching Mya, it’s clear she has more natural dancing ability than any of the other celebrities. What song is this, by the way? The female voice-over sounds like Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth.

Joss Stone disappeared for the last three or four years, correct? Her voice sounds like a mixture of Al Green and Janis Joplin. It’s surprising when you realize she’s a cute, skinny, white girl from England.

Now Selena Gomez, the next Disney susperstar, is on stage. Only 17, her new album, Kiss and Tell, is about to rake in millions of dollars and set little Selena for life. It’s sad. Disney doesn’t even try anymore. They’re just completely up front with how they manufacture their young talent. Soaked in reverb, echo, and overdubs, Selena Gomez sounds more like a mother of two than a teenager. When she steps slightly away from the mic while singing, you can actually hear her natural voice. Yeah, that wouldn’t sell too well, would it?

Was anybody else disappointed by that whole USC Marching Band/break dance showcase? I expected something more entertaining.

Joss Stone would perform “Son of a Preacher Man,” wouldn’t she? The oldie was popularized by Dusty Springfield and then Aretha Franklin. I’m really digging Stones’ rendition, supported by those popping backup singers.

I’m surprised it’s Debi Mazar, rather than Chuck Lidell, facing elimination against Kathy Ireland. Mazar’s Tango actually had “feeling.” While Kathy Ireland seems really sweet, there’s no way she should stay over Debi Mazar. And she’s not.

Why do they make the recent eliminations perform a “final dance?” It’s bad enough that they lost, but now they have to dance dejectedly in front of millions watching at home? At least Kathy took it like a champ.

“Dancing with the Stars” returns next Monday at 8 PM on ABC.

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