Tag: Dancing with the Stars blog (Page 1 of 3)

Dancing with the Stars 9.21 — Season Finale


Given the time of year, I’ve been very busy, so that’s why I’m posting my thoughts on the season finale of “Dancing with the Stars” a bit late. I’m still angry at the outcome.

Looking at each of the 16 couples out there, I can’t believe how long I’ve been writing about the show. It’s been a learning experience, that’s for sure. Hopefully this knowledge will be of use someday, but I’m having trouble picturing that scenario.

We haven’t seen Whitney Houston for a while. How many comebacks does one get before they’re just a nostalgia act? An artist can’t fail on their first comeback and then call their return a few years later another comeback. A comeback somehow implies success. I’d call Whitney Houston’s current situation an “attempt.”

Ashley Hamilton looks like a Target model.

I guess it’s exciting to see all these celebrities back on the dance floor. I forgot Macy Gray was a contestant. Watching Natalie kick ass again, it’s obvious that she should be in the finals. She has the strength, flexibility, and finesse that is made for ballroom dancing. She’s the only one who could have given Mya a run for her money. I still have no clue why fans didn’t vote for her.

Kelly Osbourne with Louie Van Amstel (Viennese waltz)

So, Kelly and Louis just made everyone cry. You know, as much as I hate buying into the simple stories of some of these celebrities, Kelly Osbourne’s progress on this show is quite touching. She and I are about the same age, and I specifically remember watching her on “The Osbournes” and thinking she was a terror. She’s redeemed herself on this show in my book. I just hope she doesn’t make a sex tape or land another reality gig.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (jive)

Yeah, yeah, we get it — you guys are going to win.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Argentine tango)

Was this dance this boring the first time? I imagine the steps are virtually the same, but it’s missing the gusto an Argentine tango should contain. Also, Donny nearly dropped Kym at the end.

How in the hell did Donny and Kym get first place for this final dance? Kelly and Louie produced the waterworks and they get third? Not fair.

I didn’t really pay attention to the “Michael Irvin vs. Jerry Rice” segment. You didn’t either.

Aaron Carter is a talented dancer. One could make a case that he belongs in the finals. What is he going to do now that his time on the show is complete? Oh yeah, we didn’t really know what he was doing before he learned to do the rumba.

The group mambo with Joanna Krupa, Steve Wozniak, Jerry Springer, and Cloris Leachman barely kept me awake. Is the finale always two hours? That’s a very long time to make us wait just to find out who the champion is.

More Whitney Houston. She came back. Another comeback.

Kelly and Louis just got third place. When did I start writing these things? Three months ago? Wow. It truly must have been a life-changing experience for Kelly. She brought something new to the table every week and it’s been exciting to witness her success on this show.

Congratulations to Donny and Kym for winning Season 9 of “Dancing with the Stars.” Throughout this competition, I’ve complimented Donny’s ability to be both technical and entertaining.

Mya is a different type of dancer. What are the words I’m looking for? Oh yes, she’s a better dancer. She’s a better dancer than Donny — easily. Every time she and Dmitry took the floor, I would forget about my obligation to critique her routine. Seriously, what are her flaws? I challenge any of my readers to state a convincing argument why Donny deserved to win

Donny owes the state of Utah a huge “thank you.” I don’t know why I’m so angry. Donny seems like a good guy, but he must know that Mya got screwed.

Lap it up, Utah. You have the new “Dancing with the Stars” and MLS Cup champions.

Dancing with the Stars 9.20 — Round Ten (the finals)


Only two more shows until we have a new champion. I tend to think of it as the first championship, since I had never watched “Dancing with the Stars” until this season. Has there been another contestant on this show as good as Mya, the R&B singer about to walk away with the mirrorball? I doubt it. She really is a gifted dancer and I can’t imagine any celebrity from past seasons that match her ability.

My list of crushes growing up is hazy at best. I remember thinking Larisa Oleynik from “The Secret World of Alex Mack” was very cute. She may have been my first crush. At some point around this time, I saw Pras’ “Ghetto Superstar” music video. The song featured Ol’ Dirty Bastard and Mya, a young singer with a soothing voice and, in my eyes, the perfect face. Now its 2009 and she still looks great — now she’s even a terrific dancer.

Donny and Kelly will have to be phenomenal tonight if they have any chance at winning this thing.

Couples Dance

Each of the judges gave one of the teams some pointers. Let’s see if the couples paid attention.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (Argentine tango)

This performance was sharp and focused. Still, she didn’t show any character. Actually, the celebrities rarely do. Donny is the only one who attempts to bring any theater to the dance, but that sometimes fails. Although I expect Kelly to finish in third, she has certainly improved by greater strides than any of her opponents — they just had more talent to being with.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (paso doble)

So, Mya is the clear-cut favorite to take home the trophy. Even though she nailed the footwork in this routine, I think it lacked intensity. This team rarely bores me, but I expected something more powerful since it’s the finals.

I’ve been watching this show for months and I still don’t know squat, apparently. The judges all loved it.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (cha cha cha)

Donny should have been ousted last week, but American women who grew up with Donny in the 70s kept him afloat. This is the best Donny has danced in a couple weeks — not a bad time to get it going.


All couples will dance three styles (Viennese waltz, samba, jive) back-to-back. They will then be judged first, second, and third.

Already, I don’t like this. How can the judges possibly monitor all three teams at once? Each of the couples are dancing to their own rhythm. Which is correct? They are all doing different moves at different times. This looks so sloppy, the judges should just disregard this whole performance. If there is another season (obviously, I’m kidding), they shouldn’t bring back this “Megamix” mess. Here’s how the couples placed:

1st: Mya and Dmitry
2nd: Donny and Kym
3rd: Kelly and Louis

Go figure.


The couples pick the music and construct their own dance, which doesn’t have to stay within a certain genre.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel

She looks really pretty. That’s cool. I’m amazed that she kept her composure after falling. I expected her to break down and cry, but she didn’t. She just kept smiling and dancing.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin

I don’t think I ever noticed how talented Dmitry was until this dance. I’ve always focused on Mya, which makes complete sense.

Anyway, what the hell happened with this dance? Something just seemed off.

Oh well, they still got a score of 27.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson

This was probably the best dance of the night, correct? The choreography was designed in a way to keep everything interesting. I don’t think this dance will get him the mirrorball, but he deserves second place.

Hm, maybe he will win. He just got a perfect score.

I’ll talk to you guys in a bit.

Dancing with the Stars 9.19 — Round Nine Results Show


The finals take place next Monday, pitting three teams against each other. After 19 introspective weeks of watching this show, I think I’m going to throw a party – a party just for myself. During the season finale, I’ll toss back some cheap whiskey (only the finest), put some Neil Young on the record player, grab some Chinese take-out, and maybe even watch some funny YouTube videos. Sorry, you’re not invited.

It’s elimination time!

We have the dancers from the upcoming movie “Nine.” I don’t know much about “Nine,” but I doubt my buddies and I are going to drop everything to see it on a Friday night. Flash forward 30 years and I’m probably sitting alone on my couch watching this movie, wondering where it all went wrong.

This show has forced me to confront mainstream musicians I would never give the time of day. A few weeks back, Norah Jones took the stage and impressed the hell out me. Now we have Alicia Keys — another talented musician and singer. I hope she writes these songs.

On the other hand, pretty women who are above-average guitar and piano players might just easily impress me. If Taylor Swift ever learns to bust out a solo, I’ll go nuts.

Man, how many guests are they having on tonight? Leona Lewis sounds too much like Alicia Keys, whom we just saw. Let’s have some diversity! Where’s Weird Al when you need him?

Holy smokes — Donny and Kym are going to the finals. Middle-aged women must have flooded the phone lines to keep Donny alive.

I wish the Bee Gees had chosen a different song, particularly a cut from their album Horizontal. Ozzy Osbourne looked completely confused watching their performance. Ha!

Up on the elimination block, Joanna seemed to know that she was going home. Her and Derek are now dancing a Viennese waltz, directly after finding out the results. The contestants are usually heartbroken after losing. Not Joanna. She obviously outperformed Kelly last night, so maybe she’s just happy she doesn’t have to learn any more routines.

Dancing with the Stars 9.18 — Round Nine


We are down to the final four couples and I’m already fantasizing about how I’ll spend my Monday nights after they crown a champion. Will I take up bowling? Will I go on a weekly jog? Will I practice more guitar scales? Or will I just go to bed earlier? These are my fantasies.

To the delight of millions, a new season of “Dancing with the Stars” will probably begin shortly after this one. With my luck, next season will have twenty “stars.”

Each of the four remaining couples will perform three dances tonight. This has never been done in the history of the show. Kelly, Mya, and Joanna should be fine given their ages. I’m just concerned about Donny. He always looks exhausted after one dance — I don’t know how he can handle three. He’ll be able to memorize the routines, but his execution might be a tad grueling during his final dance.

Dance #1

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (tango)

Donny is unable to make a dance serious. Every time he tires to play up the masculinity, his footwork suffers. This dance was all over the place. Sorry to say, Chuck Liddell could have done better.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (Viennese waltz)

I want to know who does this song. It reminds me of Gram Parsons in a weird way.

Yep, they did a great job. It wasn’t very romantic or anything — it just seemed “standard” and sometimes that’s all the judges want. Also, they’re finally starting to seem like a team.

What? The Bee Gees are going to be on tomorrow? I don’t care who wins anymore. I just want to see the Gibbs!

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (rumba)

Kelly’s routines always feel as though they’re dipped in tar. Focusing tremendously on the steps, she moves a bit slower than the other performers. Still, unlike Len Goodman, I think this was her best dance of the season. She moved with grace and brought a sense of character to this rumba.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (waltz)

Honestly, I can never find any of Mya’s mistakes. The judges are even on her side now. She’ll probably face Joanna in the finals, but Mya deserves praise for her performance over the entire season. As far as I’m concerned, she steals the show every week.

Dance #2

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (samba)

This dance of theirs definitely of topped the one from earlier. When Donny finds a groove, it’s almost impossible for him to make a mistake.

At this point, I’m not positive whether or not Donny can astound the judges with his final dance of the night. He should choose a faster dance, even if he’s tired.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (cha cha cha)

Joanna’s sister, Marta, is a babe. I just wanted to get that out of the way. Come to think of it, the producer should nab her for next season.

Why do the celebrities sometimes mouth the song’s lyrics when they perform? Is it to help them keep time? The pros never do it. It’s just distracting.

Anyway, this routine must have only been 30 seconds. She seems very confident out there. Also, she uses her face in a way the other dancers have yet to master. Joanna looks at the camera and smirks, drawing the attention away from her footwork. It’s a smart tactic.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (quick step)

Has Kelly lost 15 pounds over the last three months? She wasn’t even chubby to begin with, but she’s is in tremendous shape now.

I like this song, “99 Red Balloons.” I forget who sang it originally, but I’ve heard a bunch of cover versions.

Wow. Kelly actually got technical with this one. Louis almost dropped her at the end, but that was a minor blip.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (salsa)

There are numerous reasons why Mya should make it to the finals, but I often forget to watch how well the she works with her partner. Mya and Dmitry are constantly on the same wavelength. It’s almost as if Mya will never stumble or fall out of rhythm because Dmitry can anticipate her every step.

Len Goodman, you horny bastard. Here’s what he just said:

“I was mesmerized by your buttocks. I couldn’t stop looking — I’ve gotta be honest here.”


Dance #3

These are the couples’ “knockout dances.” Each of the teams chose their own music and genre. Thus, they should nail their performance.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (jitterbug)

Carrie Ann is right — Donny needed this dance to be good. I thought Donny was going to bomb, but he came through. The choreography was interesting as well.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (salsa)

They should have picked a slower dance. The judges are probably tired of all the shaking and jumping (I still appreciate it).

Actually, they’ll be fine. This dance was excellent. Kelly is really going to have to blow us away if she wants to find herself in the finals. As of right now, it’s Mya and Joanna, no question.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (cha cha cha)

Did they only dance for three seconds? She was really sharp and smiled the whole way through. She actually might make it the finals. If she does, she can thank the voters at home.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (cha cha cha)

Obviously, they killed it. That flip thing Dmitry did at the end was cool.

I guess three couples make it to the finals, which doesn’t quite make sense. I think Donny is done.

Dancing with the Stars 9.17 — Round Eight Results Show


Joanna and Derek surprised everyone last night. Their “paso doble from the future” was creepy, inventive, and hypnotic. I usually don’t like sitting through same performance again, but I can stomach this one.

I guess the fans appreciated the refreshing routine as well because Joanna and Derek are safe.

Michael Buble reminds me of Harry Connick, Jr. and Josh Groban. I don’t really understand what they do. Are just they singers? Are they songwriters? Do they play instruments? I’ve heard Michael Buble’s name mentioned over the past few years, but this is first time I’ve heard his music. I can honestly say that I’ve never met anybody who owns one of his albums. Is this what adult contemporary sounds like?

Mya is safe. Duh. If she doesn’t make it to the finals, I will personally have “Dancing with the Stars” cancelled by the sheer virility of this blog. I’m sure all of my five readers would follow me to the gates.

This “Dance Center” segment with ESPN’s Kenny Mayne, Jerry Rice, and Len Goodman is hilarious. Have they done this before? If you haven’t seen Kenny’s online web series, “Mayne Street,” click here.

I don’t know what’s going on with this dance featuring Mark Ballas and some girl named Sabrina Bryant. I guess viewers voted to see this happen — some goofy kid even designed their costumes.

Is Michael Buble this century’s Frank Sinatra? I don’t even want to think about that.

Wow, Donny and Kym are safe. The judges were really hard on Donny last night, so I thought he was definitely cooked.

Hey it’s Susan Boyle! Here’s some food for thought: Is Susan Boyle this century’s Frank Sinatra?

The string section needs to shut the hell up — I can barely hear her. Susan Boyle’s rise to fame is fascinating, though. She was plucked from her humble, yet lonely lifestyle and placed under the global spotlight. Months later, she nearly went bonkers. Norm MacDonald told a story about seeing a hypnotist named Raveen the Impossibilist. During the show, Raveen made a guy believe he was a chicken. When the hypnotist snapped his fingers, the man came back to reality. Norm didn’t really understand that logic. How could one’s state of mind switch between two completely different states so quickly? Your brain would be shattered. Obviously, Norm is just being funny, but the situation is similar to Susan Boyle’s drastic transition.

As much as I don’t care for Aaron Carter, he is a much better dancer than Kelly. His dances last night proved that. Still, I’m not surprised he’s going home given how much America loves Ozzy’s daughter.

Lastly, Len and Aaron need to stop pushing this father/son son thing. It’s too weird.

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