Tag: Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (Page 1 of 3)

Dancing with the Stars 9.20 — Round Ten (the finals)


Only two more shows until we have a new champion. I tend to think of it as the first championship, since I had never watched “Dancing with the Stars” until this season. Has there been another contestant on this show as good as Mya, the R&B singer about to walk away with the mirrorball? I doubt it. She really is a gifted dancer and I can’t imagine any celebrity from past seasons that match her ability.

My list of crushes growing up is hazy at best. I remember thinking Larisa Oleynik from “The Secret World of Alex Mack” was very cute. She may have been my first crush. At some point around this time, I saw Pras’ “Ghetto Superstar” music video. The song featured Ol’ Dirty Bastard and Mya, a young singer with a soothing voice and, in my eyes, the perfect face. Now its 2009 and she still looks great — now she’s even a terrific dancer.

Donny and Kelly will have to be phenomenal tonight if they have any chance at winning this thing.

Couples Dance

Each of the judges gave one of the teams some pointers. Let’s see if the couples paid attention.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (Argentine tango)

This performance was sharp and focused. Still, she didn’t show any character. Actually, the celebrities rarely do. Donny is the only one who attempts to bring any theater to the dance, but that sometimes fails. Although I expect Kelly to finish in third, she has certainly improved by greater strides than any of her opponents — they just had more talent to being with.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (paso doble)

So, Mya is the clear-cut favorite to take home the trophy. Even though she nailed the footwork in this routine, I think it lacked intensity. This team rarely bores me, but I expected something more powerful since it’s the finals.

I’ve been watching this show for months and I still don’t know squat, apparently. The judges all loved it.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (cha cha cha)

Donny should have been ousted last week, but American women who grew up with Donny in the 70s kept him afloat. This is the best Donny has danced in a couple weeks — not a bad time to get it going.


All couples will dance three styles (Viennese waltz, samba, jive) back-to-back. They will then be judged first, second, and third.

Already, I don’t like this. How can the judges possibly monitor all three teams at once? Each of the couples are dancing to their own rhythm. Which is correct? They are all doing different moves at different times. This looks so sloppy, the judges should just disregard this whole performance. If there is another season (obviously, I’m kidding), they shouldn’t bring back this “Megamix” mess. Here’s how the couples placed:

1st: Mya and Dmitry
2nd: Donny and Kym
3rd: Kelly and Louis

Go figure.


The couples pick the music and construct their own dance, which doesn’t have to stay within a certain genre.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel

She looks really pretty. That’s cool. I’m amazed that she kept her composure after falling. I expected her to break down and cry, but she didn’t. She just kept smiling and dancing.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin

I don’t think I ever noticed how talented Dmitry was until this dance. I’ve always focused on Mya, which makes complete sense.

Anyway, what the hell happened with this dance? Something just seemed off.

Oh well, they still got a score of 27.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson

This was probably the best dance of the night, correct? The choreography was designed in a way to keep everything interesting. I don’t think this dance will get him the mirrorball, but he deserves second place.

Hm, maybe he will win. He just got a perfect score.

I’ll talk to you guys in a bit.

Dancing with the Stars 9.18 — Round Nine


We are down to the final four couples and I’m already fantasizing about how I’ll spend my Monday nights after they crown a champion. Will I take up bowling? Will I go on a weekly jog? Will I practice more guitar scales? Or will I just go to bed earlier? These are my fantasies.

To the delight of millions, a new season of “Dancing with the Stars” will probably begin shortly after this one. With my luck, next season will have twenty “stars.”

Each of the four remaining couples will perform three dances tonight. This has never been done in the history of the show. Kelly, Mya, and Joanna should be fine given their ages. I’m just concerned about Donny. He always looks exhausted after one dance — I don’t know how he can handle three. He’ll be able to memorize the routines, but his execution might be a tad grueling during his final dance.

Dance #1

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (tango)

Donny is unable to make a dance serious. Every time he tires to play up the masculinity, his footwork suffers. This dance was all over the place. Sorry to say, Chuck Liddell could have done better.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (Viennese waltz)

I want to know who does this song. It reminds me of Gram Parsons in a weird way.

Yep, they did a great job. It wasn’t very romantic or anything — it just seemed “standard” and sometimes that’s all the judges want. Also, they’re finally starting to seem like a team.

What? The Bee Gees are going to be on tomorrow? I don’t care who wins anymore. I just want to see the Gibbs!

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (rumba)

Kelly’s routines always feel as though they’re dipped in tar. Focusing tremendously on the steps, she moves a bit slower than the other performers. Still, unlike Len Goodman, I think this was her best dance of the season. She moved with grace and brought a sense of character to this rumba.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (waltz)

Honestly, I can never find any of Mya’s mistakes. The judges are even on her side now. She’ll probably face Joanna in the finals, but Mya deserves praise for her performance over the entire season. As far as I’m concerned, she steals the show every week.

Dance #2

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (samba)

This dance of theirs definitely of topped the one from earlier. When Donny finds a groove, it’s almost impossible for him to make a mistake.

At this point, I’m not positive whether or not Donny can astound the judges with his final dance of the night. He should choose a faster dance, even if he’s tired.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (cha cha cha)

Joanna’s sister, Marta, is a babe. I just wanted to get that out of the way. Come to think of it, the producer should nab her for next season.

Why do the celebrities sometimes mouth the song’s lyrics when they perform? Is it to help them keep time? The pros never do it. It’s just distracting.

Anyway, this routine must have only been 30 seconds. She seems very confident out there. Also, she uses her face in a way the other dancers have yet to master. Joanna looks at the camera and smirks, drawing the attention away from her footwork. It’s a smart tactic.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (quick step)

Has Kelly lost 15 pounds over the last three months? She wasn’t even chubby to begin with, but she’s is in tremendous shape now.

I like this song, “99 Red Balloons.” I forget who sang it originally, but I’ve heard a bunch of cover versions.

Wow. Kelly actually got technical with this one. Louis almost dropped her at the end, but that was a minor blip.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (salsa)

There are numerous reasons why Mya should make it to the finals, but I often forget to watch how well the she works with her partner. Mya and Dmitry are constantly on the same wavelength. It’s almost as if Mya will never stumble or fall out of rhythm because Dmitry can anticipate her every step.

Len Goodman, you horny bastard. Here’s what he just said:

“I was mesmerized by your buttocks. I couldn’t stop looking — I’ve gotta be honest here.”


Dance #3

These are the couples’ “knockout dances.” Each of the teams chose their own music and genre. Thus, they should nail their performance.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (jitterbug)

Carrie Ann is right — Donny needed this dance to be good. I thought Donny was going to bomb, but he came through. The choreography was interesting as well.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (salsa)

They should have picked a slower dance. The judges are probably tired of all the shaking and jumping (I still appreciate it).

Actually, they’ll be fine. This dance was excellent. Kelly is really going to have to blow us away if she wants to find herself in the finals. As of right now, it’s Mya and Joanna, no question.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (cha cha cha)

Did they only dance for three seconds? She was really sharp and smiled the whole way through. She actually might make it the finals. If she does, she can thank the voters at home.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (cha cha cha)

Obviously, they killed it. That flip thing Dmitry did at the end was cool.

I guess three couples make it to the finals, which doesn’t quite make sense. I think Donny is done.

Dancing with the Stars 9.16 — Round Eight


We are down to five couples, producing a lopsided quarterfinal. One of these couples will be exiled from the ballroom tomorrow night. I’m not positive what route the elimination process takes from that point on, but I hope it’s respectful towards my patience. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care who won this thing, but I don’t want to find out in 2010. I admire those who have watched every episode this season. What were the producers thinking when they decided to start with 16 celebrities? It’s far too much dancing, most of which is an eyesore. Still, you guys stay strong, knowing a mildly interesting celebrity such as Aaron Carter or Joanna Krupa will win something called the “mirrorball.” Obviously, we don’t consider their “star power” at this point. We just want to see a fun performance. Considering those that remain, I think the judges and America nearly got it right.

Each couple will perform two dances tonight because, well, there’s a hefty time slot to fill. It is more of a challenge, however, to master multiple dances in one week, so the better contestants should prevail.

I wish there was a Laker game on, but hey, it’s “Dancing with the Stars!”

Dance #1

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (quick step)

I knew Len Goodman would come around. He couldn’t continue giving Mya mediocre scores all season. She really deserved his score of 10. Since Mya kicked off the show, it will be interesting to see if the other couples can match her and Dmitry’s performance.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (fox trot)

I’ve been impressed by Aaron over the past two weeks. I really didn’t think he would make it this far. Considering Donny loses steam, voters stop pimping Kelly, and Joanna commits a horrible mistake, Aaron should find himself in the finals. Karina is battling a fever, but I couldn’t tell. This fox trot wasn’t perfect, but I think the judges will show this team some pity later in the night.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (quick step)

This dance was just a bunch of running. It looked like a slightly choreographed cartoon of two kids chasing each other around a schoolyard. Joanna needs to nail her next routine if she wants to make the semifinals. The audience should also note that these dances are much longer, leaving more room to screw up.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (fox trot)

It’s funny. I needed somebody to root for early in the season, so I picked Kelly. However, I’ve been silently wishing for her elimination for a while now. Her performances are consistently the weakest and I’m wondering why America is keeping her alive in this competition. What is it? Do you like that she keeps claiming she’s become a “lady” on this show? Please.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Vienese waltz)

Donny and Mya are the only celebrities who are very good with dances at various tempos. I rarely catch Donny making a mistake. If the show’s schedule doesn’t tire him out, he might be able to surpass Aaron and make it to the finals.

Dance #2

Hopefully this makes sense. The couples will now perform era-specific Latin dances. As you’ll see, Mya got the 70s, so Dmitry had to choreograph a samba with influences from that decade. I would have no clue where to start.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (70s samba)

Look at Mya’s back. How does it bend like that? Her whole body is a coil. Kelly and Joanna don’t have that kind of flexibility. Compare Mya to Karina and you’ll notice the similarity in the way each uses their back. The girl is nearly performing at the same level as the female pros.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (90s samba)

They were very sharp. Somehow, Aaron manages to improve every week. He may not have the natural ability, but it’s obvious that he really listens to his teacher. He must put in countless hours of practice.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (futuristic paso doble)

Props to Derek for constructing such a challenging dance. I don’t know how he did it. Sure, those dorky metallic outfits were a bit distracting, but their performance really seemed like a “paso doble from the future.” The song selection was spot on as well. I’m not sure what song the band played, but it sounded like a mishmash of Devo and Sterolab. Joanna is back in this thing.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (60s jive)

Kelly is lucky she got the 60s. She is a talented dancer, but she doesn’t have the ability to pull off what Joanna and Derek just accomplished. Nevertheless, she found her comfort zone with this jive. The faster-paced routines prevent her anxiety from causing too much damage.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (80s paso doble)

Donny was visibly fatigued. He might not have the energy to tackle two dances in one week. He wasn’t fluid or charismatic. Instead, he labored through many of the steps.

Who do you guys think is the next to go home?

Dancing with the Stars 9.14 — Round Seven


This blog was recently voted “Blog Least Likely to Inspire Anyone to Enter the Dancing Profession” and I have to say that, although I gave myself the award, the recognition is well-deserved. For three hours each week (including the results show), I plop myself in front of the TV and am reaffirmed that I will never learn how to dance. Aaron Carter — who has a frightening dedication to this show — is now in the seventh week. He still isn’t all that great. I couldn’t spend two months on a new hobby without seeing much progress. Like mastering chess or completing Guitar Hero, life is too short to waste time on certain things. (I apologize to all future Bobby Fischers and professional gamers everywhere.) Put me in a ballroom dancing class and I’m the guy leaving in a huff because he keeps tripping over his own feet.

Do I like dancing? Yes I do — after four shots of Jameson with Paul Simon on the juke box, which is surrounded by hip-looking girls in leggings. Can I dance? Of course I can — in my own mind. My feet usually receive the messages three steps too late. However, what this produces is a dance so bad and inappropriate that it is spectacular. So why learn to ballroom dance, when I’m already perfect at dancing horribly? Exactly.

Lord knows I’ll meet a woman who demands I learn the waltz, bolero, and Argentine tango. When that day comes, I’ll be on “Dancing with Stars.”

And now, your favorite blog about this show…

I should probably make some predictions because, I don’t know, that’s what people do who watch these types of show. I think Mya, Joanna, Donny, and Mark make the final four.


Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (fox trot)

I have no clue what the fox trot looks like, but I’m just going to assume that Michael Irvin can’t do it properly. Viewers must really like the guy. The judges are complimenting his dance. I must be looking for something else. I’ll focus more on his footwork next week.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (quick step)

Aside from the one moment where Donny looked at his feet, I thought he did fine. His dances are always more articulate than most of his competition and I hope the viewers recognize that. He combines entertainment and accuracy, so he deserves to advance.

Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya (samba)

Unfortunately, Lacey is out with the flu, so he’s dancing with Anna Trebunskaya on short notice. This might not go so well.

Yawn. Why didn’t Mark do any dancing? He couldn’t get in rhythm and was visibly nervous out there. Every time a celebrity has to dance with a different partner, the performance suffers. If he survives elimination, he’ll need Lacey back.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (fox trot)

They did a great job. I don’t know why Len is so hard on Mya — it almost feels contrived. My guess is, she continues to dissatisfy Len for the remaining rounds. Then, in the finals, he gives her a perfect score.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (jive)

I hope Aaron pulls this off so we don’t have to see him break down in a puddle of his own tears. Damn. He finally performed an entertaining dance. I don’t know where he found all that energy, but it worked.

They just got a score of 29.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (salsa)

The past few weeks, Kelly has freaked out while practicing. When she doesn’t let loose, she maims the dance. From what we saw in the package, this salsa shouldn’t be any different.

I didn’t expect her to do this well. She looks less rigid during the upbeat dances.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (rumba)

Something is always lacking in her dances that I just can’t pinpoint. She turns the focus solely on her and I’m not sure it works to her advantage. Although she memorizes the steps, her performances tend to put me to sleep, despite her hotness.


Couples will be grouped into teams and either perform the paso doble or the tango. The score will then be combined with that of their dances from earlier in the night.

Paso Doble
(Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova, Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya, Mya with Dmitry Chaplin, Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff)

Only half of this dance looked in sync. They kept the intensity up and stayed in character the entire time, so the other team will have to match that in their performance. Mya easily stole the show.

That goatee looks ridiculous on Aaron.

(Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson, Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel, Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough)

Man, they slayed the other team. Both their solos and group parts were fun to watch. I can’t recall one moment where things got sloppy.

Two couples are finished tomorrow.

Dancing with the Stars 9.12 — Round Six


Last week, one of the stronger dancers was eliminated because America likes to reward inadequacy. It’s troubling to a new viewer such as myself who is more interested in the show’s competitive aspects. When Natalie Coughlin got the boot, I realized this show couldn’t be both entertaining and fair. If the producers wanted to acknowledge talent, the judges would decide the outcomes. Voters calling in currently affect half the decision, and this was enough to eliminate Natalie Coughlin before a weaker dancer like Kelly Osbourne. It was sad and stupid. The judges looked betrayed. They had probably expected Natalie to face Mya in the finals. Now, because America consistently roots for the underdog, that won’t happen. The show should lower the influence on the voter’s percentage and reduce the number from 50 percent to 25 percent. Don’t even tell the viewers. Just do it. I can’t believe Michael Irvin is still in this competition. I mean, what is wrong you people? You really wanted to watch him dance over Natalie? Give me a break.

Nine couples remain. At this rate, we should be done by the Super Bowl.

Team Dances

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (jitterbug)

Here’s the problem. The judges actually give the talented dancers harsher criticism. When the weaker celebrities perform, they pepper their low scores with compliments. The viewers aren’t really paying attention to the scores, but to what the judges say. Therefore, when they hear negative comments, they automatically assume the dance was bad. This constantly happened with Natalie Coughlin and she was prematurely sent home. Mya is easily the most skilled dancer out of the celebrities. The judges know it, but they’re not expressing it clearly enough. If they want Mya to stay, they need to voice their praise.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas (waltz)

Man, Natalie Coughlin would have owned this dance. Melissa is so stiff. Her partner is pulling her along like she’s on a rope.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer (jitterbug)

The judges better give this one high scores. The dance had character, energy, chemistry, and humor. I don’t know. Of all the dances I’ve seen this season, this was my favorite.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (waltz)

They’re dancing to “Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady” by the Commodores. Seems like a strange choice to me. Carter did a good job with the steps, which appeared complicated. He just takes this show so seriously. I always feel like he’s going to burst into tears when he gets a negative comment.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (waltz)

Why was this dance so funny? Was it because he kept smiling while performing a dumbed-down version of the waltz? He legitimately looks like he’s enjoying himself out there, but his dances are never impressive.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (jitterbug)

I agree with what the judges said. Kelly is never completely confident or comfortable. It’s a little too late to harness her talent. Still, I don’t think she has the ability to compete with Mya, Mark, or Donny.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower (jitterbug)

I thought Louie would be dominating by now. He was very entertaining in the first two rounds, but has lost some steam. Like Kelly, he is one of the crowd favorites, but that means less and less at this point in the competition. This jitterbug was all over the place. I was fond of all the acrobatics, but not the occasional sloppiness.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (waltz)

Somebody please tell me who originally performed this song! It feels very familiar to me. As for the dance, I appreciated it. Joanna and Derek reminded me of an old married couple rather than two bubbly youngsters.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (jitterbug)

Each week, I’m surprised by Donny’s performance. I always expect an unenthusiastic and stiff routine, but that never happens. He knows how to entertain a room in a way the other celebrities are yet to master. You forget about his footwork because you’re watching Donny and Kym as a team. They work and dazzle as a unit. It’s hard to critique Donny when you’re focused on both dancers.

Group Mambo

All of the couples will start on the floor together. The judges will gradually eliminate the couples until the best remains.

Below is the order of elimination, which affects their overall score.

1. Michael and Anna
2. Louie and Chelsea
3. Melissa and Mark
4. Kelly and Louis
5. Mark and Lacey
6. Donny and Kym
7. Aaron and Karina
8. Mya and Dmity
9. Joanna and Derek

Did anybody notice the move where Derek bent Joanna in an awkward position, then thrust her up and down as if she were (you know)? I can’t believe they put that on camera.

Michael Irvin or Melissa Joan Hart are finished tomorrow. It’s time.

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