Tag: Dancing with the Stars Season 9 (Page 1 of 4)

Dancing with the Stars 9.21 — Season Finale


Given the time of year, I’ve been very busy, so that’s why I’m posting my thoughts on the season finale of “Dancing with the Stars” a bit late. I’m still angry at the outcome.

Looking at each of the 16 couples out there, I can’t believe how long I’ve been writing about the show. It’s been a learning experience, that’s for sure. Hopefully this knowledge will be of use someday, but I’m having trouble picturing that scenario.

We haven’t seen Whitney Houston for a while. How many comebacks does one get before they’re just a nostalgia act? An artist can’t fail on their first comeback and then call their return a few years later another comeback. A comeback somehow implies success. I’d call Whitney Houston’s current situation an “attempt.”

Ashley Hamilton looks like a Target model.

I guess it’s exciting to see all these celebrities back on the dance floor. I forgot Macy Gray was a contestant. Watching Natalie kick ass again, it’s obvious that she should be in the finals. She has the strength, flexibility, and finesse that is made for ballroom dancing. She’s the only one who could have given Mya a run for her money. I still have no clue why fans didn’t vote for her.

Kelly Osbourne with Louie Van Amstel (Viennese waltz)

So, Kelly and Louis just made everyone cry. You know, as much as I hate buying into the simple stories of some of these celebrities, Kelly Osbourne’s progress on this show is quite touching. She and I are about the same age, and I specifically remember watching her on “The Osbournes” and thinking she was a terror. She’s redeemed herself on this show in my book. I just hope she doesn’t make a sex tape or land another reality gig.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (jive)

Yeah, yeah, we get it — you guys are going to win.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Argentine tango)

Was this dance this boring the first time? I imagine the steps are virtually the same, but it’s missing the gusto an Argentine tango should contain. Also, Donny nearly dropped Kym at the end.

How in the hell did Donny and Kym get first place for this final dance? Kelly and Louie produced the waterworks and they get third? Not fair.

I didn’t really pay attention to the “Michael Irvin vs. Jerry Rice” segment. You didn’t either.

Aaron Carter is a talented dancer. One could make a case that he belongs in the finals. What is he going to do now that his time on the show is complete? Oh yeah, we didn’t really know what he was doing before he learned to do the rumba.

The group mambo with Joanna Krupa, Steve Wozniak, Jerry Springer, and Cloris Leachman barely kept me awake. Is the finale always two hours? That’s a very long time to make us wait just to find out who the champion is.

More Whitney Houston. She came back. Another comeback.

Kelly and Louis just got third place. When did I start writing these things? Three months ago? Wow. It truly must have been a life-changing experience for Kelly. She brought something new to the table every week and it’s been exciting to witness her success on this show.

Congratulations to Donny and Kym for winning Season 9 of “Dancing with the Stars.” Throughout this competition, I’ve complimented Donny’s ability to be both technical and entertaining.

Mya is a different type of dancer. What are the words I’m looking for? Oh yes, she’s a better dancer. She’s a better dancer than Donny — easily. Every time she and Dmitry took the floor, I would forget about my obligation to critique her routine. Seriously, what are her flaws? I challenge any of my readers to state a convincing argument why Donny deserved to win

Donny owes the state of Utah a huge “thank you.” I don’t know why I’m so angry. Donny seems like a good guy, but he must know that Mya got screwed.

Lap it up, Utah. You have the new “Dancing with the Stars” and MLS Cup champions.

Dancing with the Stars 9.19 — Round Nine Results Show


The finals take place next Monday, pitting three teams against each other. After 19 introspective weeks of watching this show, I think I’m going to throw a party – a party just for myself. During the season finale, I’ll toss back some cheap whiskey (only the finest), put some Neil Young on the record player, grab some Chinese take-out, and maybe even watch some funny YouTube videos. Sorry, you’re not invited.

It’s elimination time!

We have the dancers from the upcoming movie “Nine.” I don’t know much about “Nine,” but I doubt my buddies and I are going to drop everything to see it on a Friday night. Flash forward 30 years and I’m probably sitting alone on my couch watching this movie, wondering where it all went wrong.

This show has forced me to confront mainstream musicians I would never give the time of day. A few weeks back, Norah Jones took the stage and impressed the hell out me. Now we have Alicia Keys — another talented musician and singer. I hope she writes these songs.

On the other hand, pretty women who are above-average guitar and piano players might just easily impress me. If Taylor Swift ever learns to bust out a solo, I’ll go nuts.

Man, how many guests are they having on tonight? Leona Lewis sounds too much like Alicia Keys, whom we just saw. Let’s have some diversity! Where’s Weird Al when you need him?

Holy smokes — Donny and Kym are going to the finals. Middle-aged women must have flooded the phone lines to keep Donny alive.

I wish the Bee Gees had chosen a different song, particularly a cut from their album Horizontal. Ozzy Osbourne looked completely confused watching their performance. Ha!

Up on the elimination block, Joanna seemed to know that she was going home. Her and Derek are now dancing a Viennese waltz, directly after finding out the results. The contestants are usually heartbroken after losing. Not Joanna. She obviously outperformed Kelly last night, so maybe she’s just happy she doesn’t have to learn any more routines.

Dancing with the Stars 9.16 — Round Eight


We are down to five couples, producing a lopsided quarterfinal. One of these couples will be exiled from the ballroom tomorrow night. I’m not positive what route the elimination process takes from that point on, but I hope it’s respectful towards my patience. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care who won this thing, but I don’t want to find out in 2010. I admire those who have watched every episode this season. What were the producers thinking when they decided to start with 16 celebrities? It’s far too much dancing, most of which is an eyesore. Still, you guys stay strong, knowing a mildly interesting celebrity such as Aaron Carter or Joanna Krupa will win something called the “mirrorball.” Obviously, we don’t consider their “star power” at this point. We just want to see a fun performance. Considering those that remain, I think the judges and America nearly got it right.

Each couple will perform two dances tonight because, well, there’s a hefty time slot to fill. It is more of a challenge, however, to master multiple dances in one week, so the better contestants should prevail.

I wish there was a Laker game on, but hey, it’s “Dancing with the Stars!”

Dance #1

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (quick step)

I knew Len Goodman would come around. He couldn’t continue giving Mya mediocre scores all season. She really deserved his score of 10. Since Mya kicked off the show, it will be interesting to see if the other couples can match her and Dmitry’s performance.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (fox trot)

I’ve been impressed by Aaron over the past two weeks. I really didn’t think he would make it this far. Considering Donny loses steam, voters stop pimping Kelly, and Joanna commits a horrible mistake, Aaron should find himself in the finals. Karina is battling a fever, but I couldn’t tell. This fox trot wasn’t perfect, but I think the judges will show this team some pity later in the night.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (quick step)

This dance was just a bunch of running. It looked like a slightly choreographed cartoon of two kids chasing each other around a schoolyard. Joanna needs to nail her next routine if she wants to make the semifinals. The audience should also note that these dances are much longer, leaving more room to screw up.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (fox trot)

It’s funny. I needed somebody to root for early in the season, so I picked Kelly. However, I’ve been silently wishing for her elimination for a while now. Her performances are consistently the weakest and I’m wondering why America is keeping her alive in this competition. What is it? Do you like that she keeps claiming she’s become a “lady” on this show? Please.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Vienese waltz)

Donny and Mya are the only celebrities who are very good with dances at various tempos. I rarely catch Donny making a mistake. If the show’s schedule doesn’t tire him out, he might be able to surpass Aaron and make it to the finals.

Dance #2

Hopefully this makes sense. The couples will now perform era-specific Latin dances. As you’ll see, Mya got the 70s, so Dmitry had to choreograph a samba with influences from that decade. I would have no clue where to start.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (70s samba)

Look at Mya’s back. How does it bend like that? Her whole body is a coil. Kelly and Joanna don’t have that kind of flexibility. Compare Mya to Karina and you’ll notice the similarity in the way each uses their back. The girl is nearly performing at the same level as the female pros.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (90s samba)

They were very sharp. Somehow, Aaron manages to improve every week. He may not have the natural ability, but it’s obvious that he really listens to his teacher. He must put in countless hours of practice.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (futuristic paso doble)

Props to Derek for constructing such a challenging dance. I don’t know how he did it. Sure, those dorky metallic outfits were a bit distracting, but their performance really seemed like a “paso doble from the future.” The song selection was spot on as well. I’m not sure what song the band played, but it sounded like a mishmash of Devo and Sterolab. Joanna is back in this thing.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (60s jive)

Kelly is lucky she got the 60s. She is a talented dancer, but she doesn’t have the ability to pull off what Joanna and Derek just accomplished. Nevertheless, she found her comfort zone with this jive. The faster-paced routines prevent her anxiety from causing too much damage.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (80s paso doble)

Donny was visibly fatigued. He might not have the energy to tackle two dances in one week. He wasn’t fluid or charismatic. Instead, he labored through many of the steps.

Who do you guys think is the next to go home?

Dancing with the Stars 9.15 — Round Seven Results Show


The competition actually feels like its winding down. Two celebrities will make their exit tonight and I appreciate the efficiency. With his usual partner Lacey Schwimmer out with the flu, Mark Dacascos and Anna Trebunskaya couldn’t deliver last night. Sadly, Mark’s stint is probably done on this show. After the first elimination, the couples with the next lowest scores will compete in a dance-off to determine who stays.

Michael vs. Kelly? I think “yes.”

I’m not really into the group dances. I’d rather just listen to the great music and have the pros flail around for two or three minutes. This group tango from last night was well done, but it’s still fresh in our minds. At least put them in a ring of fire, or something.

Who is Colbie Caillat? I’m sure her band needs those three guitars. All that simple ornamentation just screams “bad.” I think musicians like Caillat and Taylor Swift should ditch the bands. A single acoustic guitar can go a long way.

The only thing more useless than Colbie Callait’s backing band just took the stage. It’s “Dancing with the Star’s” own Mark Ballas and Derek Hough, performing as the singing duo Ballas Hough.

So this is what sewage sounds like. I thought this type of crap died with the Backstreet Boys in the horrific Boy Band Genocide of 2002. I was wrong. This song should play at Osama bin Laden’s funeral.

Rod Stewart, as I live and breathe. Although he’s one of the older rockers that should have hung it up a long time ago, he’s obviously done some great work in his time. Take a listen to The Jeff Beck Group’s “Beck-Ola” if you want to hear Stewart in all his raspy glory.

Ha! Michael Irvin was just eliminated and he cited his hard work on the show as inspiration to help those struggling in this economy. I love it.

Now Aaron Carter will face Mark Dacascos in a dance-off to determine tonight’s final elimination. Carter is going to flip out if he loses, causing many seconds of uncomfortable air time.


Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer (cha cha)

Nope. Again, Mark didn’t do enough dancing. I don’t know what the actual steps are to this dance, but it just seemed like he did cartwheels the entire time.

Of course, the judges thought it was great.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (jive)

Honestly, Aaron Carter doesn’t deserve to be in this position. Kelly Osbourne hasn’t impressed the judges in weeks, yet America keeps giving her votes. I don’t get it.

Nevertheless, he just topped his performance from last night.

The judges are going with Carter.

Dancing with the Stars 9.14 — Round Seven


This blog was recently voted “Blog Least Likely to Inspire Anyone to Enter the Dancing Profession” and I have to say that, although I gave myself the award, the recognition is well-deserved. For three hours each week (including the results show), I plop myself in front of the TV and am reaffirmed that I will never learn how to dance. Aaron Carter — who has a frightening dedication to this show — is now in the seventh week. He still isn’t all that great. I couldn’t spend two months on a new hobby without seeing much progress. Like mastering chess or completing Guitar Hero, life is too short to waste time on certain things. (I apologize to all future Bobby Fischers and professional gamers everywhere.) Put me in a ballroom dancing class and I’m the guy leaving in a huff because he keeps tripping over his own feet.

Do I like dancing? Yes I do — after four shots of Jameson with Paul Simon on the juke box, which is surrounded by hip-looking girls in leggings. Can I dance? Of course I can — in my own mind. My feet usually receive the messages three steps too late. However, what this produces is a dance so bad and inappropriate that it is spectacular. So why learn to ballroom dance, when I’m already perfect at dancing horribly? Exactly.

Lord knows I’ll meet a woman who demands I learn the waltz, bolero, and Argentine tango. When that day comes, I’ll be on “Dancing with Stars.”

And now, your favorite blog about this show…

I should probably make some predictions because, I don’t know, that’s what people do who watch these types of show. I think Mya, Joanna, Donny, and Mark make the final four.


Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (fox trot)

I have no clue what the fox trot looks like, but I’m just going to assume that Michael Irvin can’t do it properly. Viewers must really like the guy. The judges are complimenting his dance. I must be looking for something else. I’ll focus more on his footwork next week.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (quick step)

Aside from the one moment where Donny looked at his feet, I thought he did fine. His dances are always more articulate than most of his competition and I hope the viewers recognize that. He combines entertainment and accuracy, so he deserves to advance.

Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya (samba)

Unfortunately, Lacey is out with the flu, so he’s dancing with Anna Trebunskaya on short notice. This might not go so well.

Yawn. Why didn’t Mark do any dancing? He couldn’t get in rhythm and was visibly nervous out there. Every time a celebrity has to dance with a different partner, the performance suffers. If he survives elimination, he’ll need Lacey back.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (fox trot)

They did a great job. I don’t know why Len is so hard on Mya — it almost feels contrived. My guess is, she continues to dissatisfy Len for the remaining rounds. Then, in the finals, he gives her a perfect score.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (jive)

I hope Aaron pulls this off so we don’t have to see him break down in a puddle of his own tears. Damn. He finally performed an entertaining dance. I don’t know where he found all that energy, but it worked.

They just got a score of 29.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (salsa)

The past few weeks, Kelly has freaked out while practicing. When she doesn’t let loose, she maims the dance. From what we saw in the package, this salsa shouldn’t be any different.

I didn’t expect her to do this well. She looks less rigid during the upbeat dances.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (rumba)

Something is always lacking in her dances that I just can’t pinpoint. She turns the focus solely on her and I’m not sure it works to her advantage. Although she memorizes the steps, her performances tend to put me to sleep, despite her hotness.


Couples will be grouped into teams and either perform the paso doble or the tango. The score will then be combined with that of their dances from earlier in the night.

Paso Doble
(Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova, Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya, Mya with Dmitry Chaplin, Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff)

Only half of this dance looked in sync. They kept the intensity up and stayed in character the entire time, so the other team will have to match that in their performance. Mya easily stole the show.

That goatee looks ridiculous on Aaron.

(Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson, Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel, Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough)

Man, they slayed the other team. Both their solos and group parts were fun to watch. I can’t recall one moment where things got sloppy.

Two couples are finished tomorrow.

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