During last week’s results show, Kathy Ireland and partner Tony Dovolani were sent home, leaving 13 couples remaining. I’m not too familiar with other competitions such as “American Idol,” but this new season of “Dancing with the Stars” began with 16 contestants — isn’t that a bit much? I originally thought two teams would be sent home each week. Well, that’s not the case at all. First, there’s a two-hour performance show, where nobody is eliminated. Then, the next day, there’s a results show, where one celebrity is retired. So we have thirteen weeks to go? Man, fans of this show must really be fans. I give you guys credit. If it weren’t for the female professional dances — courtesy of exotic nations around the globe — I’d be watching re-runs of something right now. I take that back. Len Goodman, my favorite rotten apple, is worth the price of admission alone.
And after missing all of last week, he’s back at the judges table tonight! We’re in for a good laugh or two. Apparently, tonight’s show is Latin-influenced, so I’m expecting some dances unfit for television.
Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer
Ah, the rumba. I actually did a paper on this dance in college for a music class. Still, I might as well have ditched every day since I don’t recognize what’s happening on my screen. It’s looked pretty fluid to me, but the judges want more personality as Dacascos looked like he was focusing too hard.
Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough
Jesus, who is this girl? Very sexy. I hope the rest of tonight’s dances have this amount of energy. This one had the intensity, and the judges rewarded them in kind.
Mya with Dmitry Chaplin
I have a pool going with rest of the staff around here and I’ve picked Mya to win this entire competition. Although I’m lying about the pool, I do think Mya has looked the best so far. Right now, she’s tearing it up, performing what I think is another rumba. This dance had chemistry, sensuality, and flexibility (yeah, you know). They received a score of 27, the highest that’s been given this season.
Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas
Melissa is much-improved, looking more lively in this samba than she has in other dances. However, her partner constantly steals the spotlight, and I don’t think that’s supposed to happen.
Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower
I thought these guys got screwed last week. Their dance was awesome and they weren’t rewarded for it. As for this rumba, I’m not sure. They have the chemistry, but there’s just something odd about them that I can’t comprehend. It might be their youth, but I’m not sure I believe that. The audience is booing Len Goodman. Wow. He gave them a “5.”
Debi Mazar with Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Debi Mazar has a cool personality, but does she think she can dance? Oh, right, that’s a different show. It’s week three and she hasn’t improved. She better hope somebody completely blows it tonight.
Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson
I don’t know what just happened. Between all the flirting Donny did with Bruno, Carrie Ann’s startled reaction, and the impromptu interview with Paula Abdul, Donny’s rumba is a distant memory. It was smooth, I remember that. They’ll be safe come the results show.
Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova
This girl is growing on me. What is it about Russian women? The accent? The coldness? The hotness? Men, you get what I’m saying. Michael Irvin is a lucky man. Too bad he’s a boring dancer. Bruno made the comment that he’s regressed from last week. Debi and Michael on the chopping block?
Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo
Natalie Coughlin may actually be…gorgeous. Each week she seems to become more and more ravishing. Her dance tonight was fun and appeared technically accurate. She continues to improve and should give Mya some trouble down the line.
Chuck Lidell with Anna Trebunskaya
Not good. Come on, Chuck. All of the judges are giving back-handed compliments. Chuck and his cute little partner are going to go backstage now and receive very low scores. Yep, a total of “17.”
Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff
Now that’s what I call a rumba. I know, I have no idea what I’m talking about. Aside from Carter’s brief mishap when he almost fell in the beginning, the dance was solid. He had trouble with this one, but it wasn’t so horrible as to get him kicked off. Coming in, they were at the top of the judges’ leader board. He’s safe.
Tom DeLay with Cheryl Burke
Even with a stress fracture in each foot, former Speaker of the House Tom DeLay has decided to compete. It looked like he was really struggling during rehearsals, so this could be a disaster. Smart of Cheryl Burke to wear that dress to draw attention away from Tom’s misgivings. The tactic may not fool the judges, but it’s sure to work on goons like me. Still, hats off to Tom DeLay. He’s older and he’s injured. What did we expect? Regardless of how the judges score this pair, I think the voters at home will keep them alive.
Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel
Hey, look at that. After suffering a complete meltdown last week, Kelly rebounded with this samba. She just needs to avoid panicking after the fist few movements. And yes, I stole that from Len Goodman.
By the looks of it, I think Debi Mazar, Michael Irvin, and Chuck Lidell are in jeopardy. Debi is a fan favorite, so her chances are slightly better. Check back tomorrow for my professional thoughts on the results show.
