Tag: Dancing with the Stars (Page 3 of 5)

Dancing with the Stars 9.14 — Round Seven

November 3, 2009 /

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This blog was recently voted “Blog Least Likely to Inspire Anyone to Enter the Dancing Profession” and I have to say that, although I gave myself the award, the recognition is well-deserved. For three hours each week (including the results show), I plop myself in front of the TV and am reaffirmed that I will never learn how to dance. Aaron Carter — who has a frightening dedication to this show — is now in the seventh week. He still isn’t all that great. I couldn’t spend two months on a new hobby without seeing much progress. Like mastering chess or completing Guitar Hero, life is too short to waste time on certain things. (I apologize to all future Bobby Fischers and professional gamers everywhere.) Put me in a ballroom dancing class and I’m the guy leaving in a huff because he keeps tripping over his own feet.

Do I like dancing? Yes I do — after four shots of Jameson with Paul Simon on the juke box, which is surrounded by hip-looking girls in leggings. Can I dance? Of course I can — in my own mind. My feet usually receive the messages three steps too late. However, what this produces is a dance so bad and inappropriate that it is spectacular. So why learn to ballroom dance, when I’m already perfect at dancing horribly? Exactly.

Lord knows I’ll meet a woman who demands I learn the waltz, bolero, and Argentine tango. When that day comes, I’ll be on “Dancing with Stars.”

And now, your favorite blog about this show…

I should probably make some predictions because, I don’t know, that’s what people do who watch these types of show. I think Mya, Joanna, Donny, and Mark make the final four.

Couples

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (fox trot)

I have no clue what the fox trot looks like, but I’m just going to assume that Michael Irvin can’t do it properly. Viewers must really like the guy. The judges are complimenting his dance. I must be looking for something else. I’ll focus more on his footwork next week.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (quick step)

Aside from the one moment where Donny looked at his feet, I thought he did fine. His dances are always more articulate than most of his competition and I hope the viewers recognize that. He combines entertainment and accuracy, so he deserves to advance.

Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya (samba)

Unfortunately, Lacey is out with the flu, so he’s dancing with Anna Trebunskaya on short notice. This might not go so well.

Yawn. Why didn’t Mark do any dancing? He couldn’t get in rhythm and was visibly nervous out there. Every time a celebrity has to dance with a different partner, the performance suffers. If he survives elimination, he’ll need Lacey back.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (fox trot)

They did a great job. I don’t know why Len is so hard on Mya — it almost feels contrived. My guess is, she continues to dissatisfy Len for the remaining rounds. Then, in the finals, he gives her a perfect score.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (jive)

I hope Aaron pulls this off so we don’t have to see him break down in a puddle of his own tears. Damn. He finally performed an entertaining dance. I don’t know where he found all that energy, but it worked.

They just got a score of 29.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (salsa)

The past few weeks, Kelly has freaked out while practicing. When she doesn’t let loose, she maims the dance. From what we saw in the package, this salsa shouldn’t be any different.

I didn’t expect her to do this well. She looks less rigid during the upbeat dances.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (rumba)

Something is always lacking in her dances that I just can’t pinpoint. She turns the focus solely on her and I’m not sure it works to her advantage. Although she memorizes the steps, her performances tend to put me to sleep, despite her hotness.

Teams

Couples will be grouped into teams and either perform the paso doble or the tango. The score will then be combined with that of their dances from earlier in the night.

Paso Doble
(Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova, Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya, Mya with Dmitry Chaplin, Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff)

Only half of this dance looked in sync. They kept the intensity up and stayed in character the entire time, so the other team will have to match that in their performance. Mya easily stole the show.

That goatee looks ridiculous on Aaron.

Tango
(Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson, Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel, Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough)

Man, they slayed the other team. Both their solos and group parts were fun to watch. I can’t recall one moment where things got sloppy.

Two couples are finished tomorrow.

Reality TV, TV, TV Reality

Dancing with the Stars 9.13 — Round Six Results Show

October 28, 2009 /

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The 2009-10 NBA season kicked off tonight, so I was at odds with how to schedule my television viewing. Do I watch my beloved Lakers and record the latest installment of “Dancing with the Stars?” Of course, that would mean posting my popular recap hours after the show’s completion. I hate depriving my rabid fan base of high school girls, everyday wives, complacent husbands, and troubled bachelors of my ill-informed thoughts. Or do I switch back and forth between basketball and dance, punching away without direction or composure, so all can devour the review before bedtime? Or do I even revert to Option C and actually record the basketball game, in order to devote my full attention to ABC’s hit show while the night is young? I could always watch the game in the wee hours. Better yet, I could simply check The Scores Report — a website with fantastic writers — to get my fill of NBA news and analysis.

Well, it’s midnight and I’m just now getting to this post. Looking at the title, I obviously won’t be discussing the Lakers. Something happens to the male brain after 12 AM. Whiskey, guitars, friends, women, and Pringles are the only things I want in my vicinity. If these delicacies are unattainable, I just want my bed. And guess what I’m next to right now? My bed, and she looks lovely. Writing, or writing about “Dancing with the Stars” rather, is not my current idea of fun. I really should be outside typing on a rock, just so I don’t fall asleep.

Nothing says procrastination like spending two paragraphs off-topic. For the love of God, it’s “Dancing with the Stars!”

Supposedly, two celebrities will be knocked out tonight. I really hope it’s Michael Irvin and Melissa Joan Hart. I never look forward to their routines. I can handle the others.

Hey, hey, hey. Taylor Swift is the musical guest tonight and she’s looking very pretty with her shame-inducing youthfulness. Taylor Swift is the kind of female celebrity that normal guys think, I bet she’ll grow up to be a class act. I think she would like me if I got the chance to meet her. She’d go out with me. Yeah, she seems nice. Wrong. Taylor Swift will be married to one of those vampires from “Twilight” in less than two years. Don’t be the guy who sits at home in his boxers listening to her latest album (which was downloaded illegally), wondering what could have been.

When you’re craving a date with your pillow, listening to Cuban music is not enjoyable in the slightest. I didn’t catch the name of the band, but really, am I going to buy the record? I’m not going to tell my friend Dave, “Hey Dave, guess what I saw last night — this amazing Cuban band. No, not in person. I actually caught them on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ No, it’s not weird that I watch it.” As a musician, I love the syncopated rhythms of Latin music. I just can’t handle them right now.

Taylor Swift is on stage performing “Love Story,” a song so ubiquitous a schlub such as myself knows most of the words.

Melissa Joan Hart is going home. She seems like a nice lady, but I’ll never forget when she was all the rage on Nickelodeon. Now, Louie/Chelsea and Michael/Anna will compete in some sort of “dance off” to determine who stays.

Dance Off

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (samba)

Michael Irvin always brings the excitement. The problem is, he seems like any other clueless male out there. This dance was no different. He just doesn’t have any technique. He always settles for a simplified routine and I hope the judges don’t let him off the hook.

Louie Vito with Chelsea Hightower (jive)

Louie Vito, on the other hand, packs plenty of content into each of his dances. He focuses on the steps and works well with his partner. I doubt Louie will make it past Round Seven, but judging by his performance tonight, he deserves another chance.

I don’t understand why the judges went with Michael Irvin. Even Len Goodman, who is a stickler for technique, didn’t pick Louie.

Don’t worry about it, Louie. America didn’t even know who you were two months ago.

Reality TV, TV, TV Reality

Dancing with the Stars 9.12 — Round Six

October 27, 2009 /

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Last week, one of the stronger dancers was eliminated because America likes to reward inadequacy. It’s troubling to a new viewer such as myself who is more interested in the show’s competitive aspects. When Natalie Coughlin got the boot, I realized this show couldn’t be both entertaining and fair. If the producers wanted to acknowledge talent, the judges would decide the outcomes. Voters calling in currently affect half the decision, and this was enough to eliminate Natalie Coughlin before a weaker dancer like Kelly Osbourne. It was sad and stupid. The judges looked betrayed. They had probably expected Natalie to face Mya in the finals. Now, because America consistently roots for the underdog, that won’t happen. The show should lower the influence on the voter’s percentage and reduce the number from 50 percent to 25 percent. Don’t even tell the viewers. Just do it. I can’t believe Michael Irvin is still in this competition. I mean, what is wrong you people? You really wanted to watch him dance over Natalie? Give me a break.

Nine couples remain. At this rate, we should be done by the Super Bowl.

Team Dances

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (jitterbug)

Here’s the problem. The judges actually give the talented dancers harsher criticism. When the weaker celebrities perform, they pepper their low scores with compliments. The viewers aren’t really paying attention to the scores, but to what the judges say. Therefore, when they hear negative comments, they automatically assume the dance was bad. This constantly happened with Natalie Coughlin and she was prematurely sent home. Mya is easily the most skilled dancer out of the celebrities. The judges know it, but they’re not expressing it clearly enough. If they want Mya to stay, they need to voice their praise.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas (waltz)

Man, Natalie Coughlin would have owned this dance. Melissa is so stiff. Her partner is pulling her along like she’s on a rope.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer (jitterbug)

The judges better give this one high scores. The dance had character, energy, chemistry, and humor. I don’t know. Of all the dances I’ve seen this season, this was my favorite.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (waltz)

They’re dancing to “Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady” by the Commodores. Seems like a strange choice to me. Carter did a good job with the steps, which appeared complicated. He just takes this show so seriously. I always feel like he’s going to burst into tears when he gets a negative comment.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (waltz)

Why was this dance so funny? Was it because he kept smiling while performing a dumbed-down version of the waltz? He legitimately looks like he’s enjoying himself out there, but his dances are never impressive.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (jitterbug)

I agree with what the judges said. Kelly is never completely confident or comfortable. It’s a little too late to harness her talent. Still, I don’t think she has the ability to compete with Mya, Mark, or Donny.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower (jitterbug)

I thought Louie would be dominating by now. He was very entertaining in the first two rounds, but has lost some steam. Like Kelly, he is one of the crowd favorites, but that means less and less at this point in the competition. This jitterbug was all over the place. I was fond of all the acrobatics, but not the occasional sloppiness.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (waltz)

Somebody please tell me who originally performed this song! It feels very familiar to me. As for the dance, I appreciated it. Joanna and Derek reminded me of an old married couple rather than two bubbly youngsters.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (jitterbug)

Each week, I’m surprised by Donny’s performance. I always expect an unenthusiastic and stiff routine, but that never happens. He knows how to entertain a room in a way the other celebrities are yet to master. You forget about his footwork because you’re watching Donny and Kym as a team. They work and dazzle as a unit. It’s hard to critique Donny when you’re focused on both dancers.

Group Mambo

All of the couples will start on the floor together. The judges will gradually eliminate the couples until the best remains.

Below is the order of elimination, which affects their overall score.

1. Michael and Anna
2. Louie and Chelsea
3. Melissa and Mark
4. Kelly and Louis
5. Mark and Lacey
6. Donny and Kym
7. Aaron and Karina
8. Mya and Dmity
9. Joanna and Derek

Did anybody notice the move where Derek bent Joanna in an awkward position, then thrust her up and down as if she were (you know)? I can’t believe they put that on camera.

Michael Irvin or Melissa Joan Hart are finished tomorrow. It’s time.

Reality TV, TV, TV Reality

Dancing with the Stars 9.11 — Round Five Results Show

October 21, 2009 /

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Each team exceeded my expectations last night. The judges were the most generous they had been in weeks. For the first time all season, nobody received a score under 20.

Tonight’s results show will feature a tribute to Michael Jackson, which will be a bonus if you’ve never seen the professional dancers strut their stuff.

With last night’s powerful dance, Donny Osmond rose to the top of the leader board after receiving a 29 for his Argentine tango. Len Goodman has asked that Donny and Kym tango once more. Osmond’s progressing at the same pace as Mark Dacascos and I expect both of them to be in the final four.

I feel like I haven’t seen Norah Jones in at least 15 years. But here she is, playing a moody organ over a downtempo jazz beat. I’d like to date a cute female musician who sings beautifully and wears nice dresses.

I don’t know what dolts are calling in and voting. How could Micahel Irvin get more votes than Natalie Coughlin? I mean, does anybody notice how hot she is? No, really, she’s a way better dancer.

Norah Jones plays guitar, too. She’s actually pulling off some pretty sweet licks. “Come Away with Me” is one of her hits, but this is the first time I’ve heard it. It’s not half bad.

This “tribute in dance” to Michael Jackson is fun. It seems impossible to put something like this together in a week. On top of this big choreographed performance, the professionals also had to practice not one, but two routines for the previous night’s show. Whatever. I’m sure they get paid more than enough.

America, you are one giant idiot. How the hell did Aaron Carter and Natalie Coughlin wind up on that podium? The judges are shocked as well. Natalie quickly became one of my favorites, and not just because she’s extremely pretty. She’s easily the second-best dancer in this competition. Also, she’s gracious, kind, and really wants to be there. So, Michael Irvin, Melissa Joan Hart, and Kelly Osbourne are better dancers than Aaron Carter and Natalie Coughlin? Really? Fools. I’m going to be extremely disappointed if Natalie is sent home.

Natalie just got screwed. So stupid.

This show is a joke.

Reality TV, TV, TV Reality

Dancing with the Stars 9.10 — Round Five

October 20, 2009 /

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My hometown team just suffered an excruciating loss to the Philadelphia Phillies. This day started out wonderful and now I’m contemplating turning on the heater, sipping some Jameson, putting on a Sam Cooke record, and drifting off to sleep. I’m depressed and I need a remedy. Should I turn to “Dancing with the Stars” for support? Of course I shouldn’t, but it’s about to get started so I have no choice.

I have very little patience right now. Now that I’m familiar with the show, I seriously doubt that Aaron Carter is going to raise my spirits. Len Goodman better be funny and Joanna Krupa better be wearing something illegal. Ladies and gentleman, it’s “Dancing with the Stars!”

Team Dances

Natalie Coughlin with Alex Mazo (paso doble)

Is someone watching over me? Natalie Couglin is the first dance of the night! To whoever pulls the strings: thank you.

Does anybody else hate the costumes they have to wear? Sometimes I wish they just danced in their street clothes. A team’s overall body language, which enhances the characters, is far more effective. The costumes are just cheesy.

As for this dance, it was up to Natalie’s caliber. I’m not sure why the judges are so critical every time she performs. They still give her high scores, but they never seem very enthusiastic. Maybe it’s because they know she’ll move on regardless and hope she’ll take their criticism to heart.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (Argentine tango)

The legwork was on point. The judges are raving about this one. I thought he looked too stiff, but I guess that’s what the Argentine tango is all about.

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (paso doble)

Finally, he didn’t suck. Aside from his robotic stutter at the end, Michael was actually engaging. I predicted he would be the next to go — now I’m not so sure.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (Argentine tango)

Every week, Mya glides across the dance floor with ease. She performs with confidence and rarely makes a mistake. Obviously, since the male is supposed to lead, it’s hard to compare her with the professional females. She does tend to neglect any intimacy with her partner, but she has time to hone that part. Her and Natalie are still the favorites.

Mark Dacascos with Lacey Schwimmer (paso doble)

Like the judges, I didn’t see any mistakes. I was just a bit bored by the whole thing. The judges thought Dacascos exuded an intensity that I didn’t see. With these scores, he just became the favorite on the male side.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (Argentine tango)

Like Mya, Natalie, and Mark, Donny seems to spend hours practicing. You can see it in his footwork. He’s just sharp.

Everyone’s improving.

Louie Vito with Chelsie Hightower (Argentine tango)

After dropping down the leader board last week, they certainly rebounded with this routine. They created a story, which most of the other dancers avoid or forget to include. This team deserves to stay.

Melissa Joan Hart with Mark Ballas (paso doble)

She’s been playing catch up since Round Two. She finally had her breakthrough dance last week, so she really need to keep up that progress. Unfortunately, she lost her step quite a few times.

What? The judges gave her a score of 23?

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (paso doble)

They’re dancing to “Crazy Train” by Kelly’s father. When she gets nervous, she tends to destroy a dance’s entire mystique. I can’t understand the high scores. I like Kelly, but I thought this dance was seriously lacking.

Joanna Krupa with Maksim Chmerkovskiy (Argentine tango)

Joanna’s usual parter, Derek, is out with the flu, so Max is taking his place. They did commit one obvious mistake, but the judges don’t seem to care. I’m not sure why they’re being so nice tonight.

Group Dance

Everybody from tonight’s competition is participating in a monster hustle, popularized by the 70s chart-topper, “The Hustle.” Since the judges won’t have a say, the celebrities are letting loose.

Michael Irvin looked hilarious and, as always, Mya and Natalie Coughlin were great.

I honestly have no idea who’s going to get eliminated next as nobody was terrible. Anyway, we’ll discuss the results show in a few hours.

Reality TV, TV, TV Reality

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