Category: TV (Page 150 of 595)

Dancing with the Stars 9.14 — Round Seven

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This blog was recently voted “Blog Least Likely to Inspire Anyone to Enter the Dancing Profession” and I have to say that, although I gave myself the award, the recognition is well-deserved. For three hours each week (including the results show), I plop myself in front of the TV and am reaffirmed that I will never learn how to dance. Aaron Carter — who has a frightening dedication to this show — is now in the seventh week. He still isn’t all that great. I couldn’t spend two months on a new hobby without seeing much progress. Like mastering chess or completing Guitar Hero, life is too short to waste time on certain things. (I apologize to all future Bobby Fischers and professional gamers everywhere.) Put me in a ballroom dancing class and I’m the guy leaving in a huff because he keeps tripping over his own feet.

Do I like dancing? Yes I do — after four shots of Jameson with Paul Simon on the juke box, which is surrounded by hip-looking girls in leggings. Can I dance? Of course I can — in my own mind. My feet usually receive the messages three steps too late. However, what this produces is a dance so bad and inappropriate that it is spectacular. So why learn to ballroom dance, when I’m already perfect at dancing horribly? Exactly.

Lord knows I’ll meet a woman who demands I learn the waltz, bolero, and Argentine tango. When that day comes, I’ll be on “Dancing with Stars.”

And now, your favorite blog about this show…

I should probably make some predictions because, I don’t know, that’s what people do who watch these types of show. I think Mya, Joanna, Donny, and Mark make the final four.

Couples

Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova (fox trot)

I have no clue what the fox trot looks like, but I’m just going to assume that Michael Irvin can’t do it properly. Viewers must really like the guy. The judges are complimenting his dance. I must be looking for something else. I’ll focus more on his footwork next week.

Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson (quick step)

Aside from the one moment where Donny looked at his feet, I thought he did fine. His dances are always more articulate than most of his competition and I hope the viewers recognize that. He combines entertainment and accuracy, so he deserves to advance.

Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya (samba)

Unfortunately, Lacey is out with the flu, so he’s dancing with Anna Trebunskaya on short notice. This might not go so well.

Yawn. Why didn’t Mark do any dancing? He couldn’t get in rhythm and was visibly nervous out there. Every time a celebrity has to dance with a different partner, the performance suffers. If he survives elimination, he’ll need Lacey back.

Mya with Dmitry Chaplin (fox trot)

They did a great job. I don’t know why Len is so hard on Mya — it almost feels contrived. My guess is, she continues to dissatisfy Len for the remaining rounds. Then, in the finals, he gives her a perfect score.

Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff (jive)

I hope Aaron pulls this off so we don’t have to see him break down in a puddle of his own tears. Damn. He finally performed an entertaining dance. I don’t know where he found all that energy, but it worked.

They just got a score of 29.

Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel (salsa)

The past few weeks, Kelly has freaked out while practicing. When she doesn’t let loose, she maims the dance. From what we saw in the package, this salsa shouldn’t be any different.

I didn’t expect her to do this well. She looks less rigid during the upbeat dances.

Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough (rumba)

Something is always lacking in her dances that I just can’t pinpoint. She turns the focus solely on her and I’m not sure it works to her advantage. Although she memorizes the steps, her performances tend to put me to sleep, despite her hotness.

Teams

Couples will be grouped into teams and either perform the paso doble or the tango. The score will then be combined with that of their dances from earlier in the night.

Paso Doble
(Michael Irvin with Anna Demadova, Mark Dacascos with Anna Trebunskaya, Mya with Dmitry Chaplin, Aaron Carter with Karina Smirnoff)

Only half of this dance looked in sync. They kept the intensity up and stayed in character the entire time, so the other team will have to match that in their performance. Mya easily stole the show.

That goatee looks ridiculous on Aaron.

Tango
(Donny Osmond with Kym Johnson, Kelly Osbourne with Louis Van Amstel, Joanna Krupa with Derek Hough)

Man, they slayed the other team. Both their solos and group parts were fun to watch. I can’t recall one moment where things got sloppy.

Two couples are finished tomorrow.

Greg Giraldo: Midlife Vices

After dutifully earning his bones as one of the more reliable roasters at Comedy Central’s annual events (to Larry the Cable Guy: “Why are you so popular?”), Greg Giraldo finally gets his first one-hour special, and he makes it count. His take-no-prisoners approach is intact here, and in fact he saves a lot of his best bits for third rails like children (they’re fat, sickly and autistic). He does come a tad too close to a bit that popped up in Bill Burr’s act a year or so ago (the ‘I’m not a racist, but…’ routine), but he makes up for it by hammering a “sleepy Rasta” who nodded off in the third row, and by saluting a “gaggle of squawking twats” who refused to let 9/11 ruin their friend’s bachelorette party. The bonus features include the unaired pilot episode of “Adult Content,” a Comedy Central show about, well, porn. It’s a pretty decent show, though it makes sense that they would have had trouble following it up. With any luck, “Midlife Vices” will allow Giraldo to carve out a name for himself as something other than “that roast guy,” because the material here is most worthy.

Click to buy “Greg Giraldo: Midlife Vices”

You’re Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush

Given how brutally Will Ferrell skewered George W. Bush during the 2000 election, you’d think a one-man show in which Ferrell celebrates the end of Bush’s two terms with 90 minutes of proudly partisan buffoonery would be a can’t-miss prospect — and during the limited live run of “You’re Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush,” that may have been true. On DVD, however, Ferrell’s salute to the former Commander-in-Chief provokes more chuckles than guffaws, due at least in part to the fact that, despite his many contributions to late night comics’ monologues, Bush’s presidency really wasn’t all that funny. Taped shortly after Bush yielded office to Barack Obama (or, as Ferrell’s version of W. calls him, “the Tiger Woods guy”), this performance initially had the power of pent-up catharsis to get it across; now, however, it’s mostly just a faintly humorous, somewhat painful look back at a period of American history pockmarked with war, terrorism, economic turmoil, and a horrific natural disaster. Ferrell’s squints, frat-boy chuckles, and screams of idiotic rage just can’t keep up with it all, although the show’s more brazenly surreal moments (including a dance with Condoleezza Rice, played here by the fearless Pia Glenn) offer pleasant reminders of just how far he’s willing to go for his comedy. If you really loathed Bush, you’ll probably want to own it — or at least watch it — just to have one last laugh at his expense, but otherwise, this is a pretty lukewarm roast.

Click to buy “You’re Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush”

Curb Your Enthusiasm 7.7 — The Black Swan

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Over the years, Larry has done some pretty heinous things to other people, but “The Black Swan” takes his antagonism a whole a new level. With his selfish behavior, Larry manages to create at least five new enemies per episode. In the real world, Larry would be a full-fledged sociopath, but life in “Curb Your Enthusiasm” is a bit more forgiving. Still, I can’t recall an episode where Larry indirectly killed anyone. In “The Black Swan,” our imperfect Larry has his hand in not one, but two deaths.

Fans have expressed disappointment with this season, saying recent episodes are too absurd. While I think absurdity sometimes comes off as lazy, it works for “Curb.” The ending of “The Bare Midriff” was completely unexpected, which was welcoming. That said, “The Black Swan” is a throwback to “Curb’s” early seasons. The story lines toy with legitimate social norms. That’s always been Larry’s forte, but he also manages to keep everything grounded in “The Black Swan” without going over the top.

While visiting his mother’s grave with his father and cousin, Larry finds the “passed away” spelt as “past away.” Apparently, his father didn’t want to pay the extra 100 bucks for the other letters. Larry, for all his misgivings, does seem to adore his family. He wants to hire a stonemason to have it fixed.

Down the street, Larry and his cousin, Andy, meet Jeff and Funkhouser at the country club. Larry instructs his table to order quickly because the slowest players have just sat down for breakfast. Larry doesn’t want to be stuck behind Norm and his group on the course. Everyone agrees, except Andy, who wants crispy onions. In the midst of some arguing, Larry gets a call from his father, causing everybody to stare. Mr. Takahashi, the owner, informs Larry that cell phones aren’t allowed in the clubhouse. He gives Larry a final warning.

While Andy is still working on his onions, Norm’s table gets up to play. Funkhouser gives Andy some grief and I think it’s the first time he’s ever cursed on this show. When the waiter drops off the bill, the audience knows Larry is going to take issue with something. This is third episode this season where tipping is used as a plot device. In “The Black Swan,” Larry doesn’t want to acknowledge the additional tip when an 18 percent tip is already included. The waiter doesn’t understand. I do. We all do.

On the course, Norm is taking forever. Larry tells him to move it along and they get into an argument. Andy just had to order those onions.

In the locker room, a member of Norm’s group confronts Larry. Norm has died, supposedly because of his argument with Larry. Norm had high blood pressure and his confrontation with Larry was all too much.

Larry: It’s not my fault that he had a heart attack.
Friend: Did you even know him?
Larry: Somewhat.
Friend: Did you even like him — at all?
Larry: No, I thought he was a prick.

Back at Larry’s house, he, his dad, and Andy and his wife are having dinner. Larry wants to put Andy and Cassie’s daughter through college. They are floored. Larry receives a call from the stone mason. The conversation starts out pleasant but soon becomes an argument over the validity of Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter’s career. For the record, Jeter deserves all the praise. Larry was right.

The next day, the golf course is empty out of respect for Norm’s passing. Larry and the others, however, use it as opportunity to get in a round. On the 12th hole, the site of Norm’s death, Larry shanks a shot. It lands down by the pond where the swans live, including Mr. Takahashi’s prized black swan, Kyoko. While setting up his next shot, Kyoko flies at Larry like a dart. Scared out of his wits, Larry murders the swan with one of his irons. The group decides to bury the bird.

While discussing the killing in the dining room, Jeff notices two gardeners wheeling something covered down a path. Mr. Takahashi walks up to the barrel and finds the dead body of Kyoko. Within a minute, an attendant tells the table to go to Mr. Takahashi’s office.

In what is the funniest scene of the episode, Takahashi grills each member of Larry’s group. Surprisingly, nobody lets the cat out of the bag.

Unfortunately, Andy spilled the beans to his wife. After Larry refuses to pay for her to attend cosmetology school, she calls him out for being a “swan killer.” In turn, he threatens to destroy her hats (Cassie designs stupid cowboy hats) if she spreads this information. This was the scene that didn’t really work for me. Larry had already agreed to pay for their daughter’s college. Nobody would ask the same person for a nice and expensive gesture days after that person already paid them a very nice and expensive gesture. Honestly, some of the people in the world of “Curb” are worse than Larry.

Despite the accusations of “murder,” Larry attends Norm’s wake. He runs into Funkhouser and they begin to talk about each other’s parents. Larry doesn’t believe you should have to introduce everyone to everyone under certain circumstances, so Funkhouser leaves the person standing next to him out of their conversation. That person happens to be Ed, the stonemason. As Larry recounts his conversation with the stonemason about Derek Jeter, Ed hears Larry call him a “moron” and an “asshole.” Not good.

Larry shows Funkhouser a frantic email Jeff has sent him. Jeff wants to come clean about the whole swan deal. Everybody takes their seats as the wake begins. Larry’s cell phone immediately disrupts the proceedings, causing ire in Mr. Takahashi. Not wanting to get caught, Larry tosses his cell phone aside.

Larry’s cell phone is later returned by the waiter from earlier. He compliments Larry’s Blackberry, particularly the way one can easily scroll through emails. Larry thinks the waiter saw what Jeff wrote. Thus, at their next meal in the clubhouse, Larry gives the waiter a $500 additional tip as a way of saying “keep your mouth shut.”

At Norm’s burial, Mr. Takahashi compliments Larry on giving the waiter such a large tip. Takahashi has come to the conclusion that someone so “generous” would never kill his beloved black swan. Putting the past behind them, they begin to chat like old friends. Larry still needs to check out his mother’s redone headstone, so Takahashi accompanies him since the clubhouse is right down the road.

The stonemason is just finishing up when they reach the gravesite. He’s wearing one of Cassie’s silly hats. The bottom of the headstone reads: Mother of Larry, an asshole and swan killer.

Cassie told.

Chris Farley’s family OK’d DirecTV ad

Chris Farley and David Spade

As a huge (no pun intended) fan of Chris Farley in general and “Tommy Boy” in particular — there weren’t many more popular or quotable movies on campus during my college days — I wasn’t sure what to think about the new DirecTV ad featuring the late comedian’s classic “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” scene from the 1995 movie (watch it below). DirecTV has been running similar commercials for a while now, recreating iconic movie moments from films like “Aliens,” “Back to the Future” and “King Kong” to help illustrate why DirecTV is (allegedly) so much better than cable. I had enjoyed the other spots I saw but, for some reason, watching a re-dubbed David Spade in the “Tommy Boy” commercial with the original footage of Farley seemed…strange. “Tasteless, insensitive or just plain weird” is how the guys at Asylum.com described some of the public reaction to the commercials, which prompted Asylum to contact Spade’s publicist in search of a statement. Here is Spade’s response:

“When DIRECT TV came to me and the Farley family with this idea about ‘Tommy Boy,’ we talked and thought it would be a cool way to remind people just how funny Chris was. It is a clever homage to my friend and a movie that we loved doing.”

Spade said the commercial reminds people how funny Farley was, but it hit me that there may very well be hordes of college kids who have never even known how funny Farley was (he died in 1997) and have never seen “Tommy Boy” or “Black Sheep.” (We can only hope they haven’t been exposed to “Beverly Hills Ninja.”) Will “Fat Guy in a Little Coat” prompt some of them to download rent “Tommy Boy”? Absolutely.

Asylum also heard from a DirecTV spokesperson:

“We should look to Chris’ family and friends for the ultimate opinion on this subject. They were involved from the beginning of this project and felt that the spot was a great tribute to Chris.”

Talk about hitting the nail on the head. If Farley’s family was comfortable with the commercial, shouldn’t we all be? What is there to be offended by, anyway? Considering Farley’s short life was all about making other people laugh, he certainly wouldn’t want people to take this commercial — or his legacy — so seriously.

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