A couple of years ago, when I wrote a post entitled “Bad Actors: Tina DiJoseph,” which was dedicated to the “Medium” actress who plays Lynn DiNovi, a few readers (mostly her friends and family) said I was “negative” and “cruel,” but I just call ‘em like I see ‘em.

And when I watched this week’s episode of “Rescue Me,” I saw one of the best performances I’ve seen in a long time. I’ve admired Callie Thorne’s work on the show since the start, and now that her (wonderfully nutty) character, Sheila, is no longer dating and/or sleeping with Tommy Gavin, she hasn’t gotten as much screen time over the past couple of seasons, and the show has suffered because of it. (Don’t get me wrong — this season has been great, but there was a stretch there when I was wondering if the creators had a plan to wrap things up.)

Anyway, on this week’s episode, appropriately titled “Sheila,” Thorne is a tour de force. Her first scene is with her son, Damien (played by Michael Zegen), and the two are having lunch in a restaurant discussing Damien’s decision to become a fireman instead of finishing his studies at NYU. Sheila is understandably concerned and frustrated with this decision, and she hides those emotions for a while under the guise of “new Sheila.” But when Damien insists that Tommy guide him through the academy (instead of Mike the Probie), she flips out and goes on a minute-long rant about how spoiled and ungrateful he is.

Later on, she’s at the firehouse and runs into Tommy. She starts off by not speaking to him (because she’s angry about his failure to tell her about the news footage that proved that her husband died in the second tower, not the first), but with Tommy being Tommy the two start to argue. She goes off on him for being a closed-off prick and punctuates the scene by kneeing him in the balls.

Finally — and this scene is really the kicker — Sheila does an interview for a French journalist about what was going through her mind on 9/11. The revelation that her husband died in the second tower almost has a calming effect on her, and she dives into a four-minute monologue that is as touching, emotional and well-acted as any four minutes that I’ve seen in a long time.

For the first few seasons, I was rooting for Tommy and Sheila to end up together, mainly because I wanted to see her character find happiness, but now I hope she finds it somewhere else. It’s clear that Tommy just isn’t loyal or dependable enough for her, and her story arc this season has been about her exploration into why she is (or was?) so obsessed with him. Yes, Sheila has her flaws — after all, she drugged and (pretty much) raped Tommy and almost killed him in the house fire — but, hey, she just has a lot of love to give, right?

Unfortunately, the episode isn’t up on Hulu yet, but it’s an Emmy worthy performance, so catch it if you can.

Variety has the best acceptance speech…ever…as written by “Rescue Me” star Denis Leary. (Keep in mind this is from the POV of an actress, not an actor.)

Okay. First of all — I’d like to thank God for just taking time out of His busy schedule curing cancer and feeding the hungry and solving the crisis in Darfur with George Clooney and helping so many different wide receivers and quarterbacks to throw and catch footballs and instead making sure that I got singled out of such a wonderful group of actors like Meryl and Mary-Louise and Cate Blanchett and Angelina and Marcia Gay and Kate Winslet and just - all the Kates and the Kevins and the two name and the three name people I feel so honored just to be up here while they are all down there and I’d like to just thank the Academy and the people who hated me and treated me like such dirt and who made me stab them in the back just to get here and now you can suck it and Botox! I almost forgot Botox! And Restylin and Cosmoderm and Prestocheek and Instatit and all the other animal agents I’ve had injected into my face and stuff. Oh my god my agents — I almost forgot the entire squad of agents and managers and hangers-on whose asses I have kissed and coddled for so many long B and C movie years now and also — it would be so bad not to thank my team of surgeons who have stretched and sculpted and pulled and pressure-pointed every aspect of my face, neck and armfat until I look so young and ripe and yet somehow still able to move my forehead and eyebrows just enough to frown and laugh and look focused which is a huge part of why I just won this!

And that’s just about a third of it…

Wait, didn’t I just go to one of these press tours…?

Actually, that was back in July, when the networks were busy pimping their new fall schedules; this time, they were presenting us with an idea of what we can expect to see on our favorite broadcast and cable channels from now until they premiere their next fall schedule.

Going out to L.A. in January was a new thing for me, though. It was my first winter tour since becoming a member of the Television Critics Association in 2007 – last year’s was canceled due to the writers’ strike – and, if the rumblings throughout the ballrooms at the Universal Hilton were any indication, it may well prove to be my last January tour. I’m hopeful that this presumption turns out to be inaccurate, but given the current economic climate and an increasing tendency for newspapers and publications to only send their TV critics out for one tour per year, there’s every reason to suspect that the networks will join suit and only be willing to pamper those critics once per year.

Sorry, did I say “pamper”? Of course, I meant, “Treat with the utmost respect.”

It feels a bit odd to be doing a wrap-up of my experiences at the tour before I’ve even had a chance to write up all of the panels I attended while I was out there, but, hey, when you get a good spot on the calendar, you make it work however you can. So still keep your eyes open for my ongoing pieces on the various shows you can expect to find on the broadcast networks during the next few months, but in the meantime, here’s a look at some of the best and worst bits from the January ‘09 tour as a whole.

Most enjoyable panel by a cable network: “Rescue Me,” FX.

I’ve been a big Denis Leary fan every since No Cure for Cancer, so I knew the guy was inevitably going to go off on a profanity-filled rant before the end of the panel. What I didn’t expect, however, was that Peter Tolan - who co-created the show with Leary - would start the proceedings by telling Leary to watch his mouth, adding, “If you were going to say ‘cunt,’ don’t.”

From there, the two of them seemingly battled each other in an attempt to offer up the most memorable line. Leary complained about his salary. (”I had a crazy idea of getting paid, like, $250,000 an episode. They put limits on that, let me tell you. That’s Kiefer Sutherland money right there.”) Then Tolan claimed that he was at fault for the show’s fourth-season slump, blaming it on a drug problem and that “I was heavy into a kazillion hookers that year.” Then Leary bitched about how Michael J. Fox was going to guest on “Rescue Me” and get the Emmy that Leary himself has yet to earn. (”Five fucking episodes, he comes in. God damn, $700 million from ‘Spin City.’ He never asked me to do the show. He’s going to walk away with the fucking Emmy. That son of a bitch.”) Then Tolan started mocking Hugh Laurie’s American accent by talking about how he could do a British accent. (”Aye, pip, pip, mate, aye! ‘Allo, Mary Poppins!”) And…well, as you can see, there was really no contest: this may well have been the greatest panel ever.

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It’s been nine months since the writers’ strike shook up the entertainment industry – forcing some shows to shut down production for the rest of the season and leaving others to scramble for survival – and television still isn’t the same. Many of our favorite shows have yet to return to form (here’s looking at you “Heroes”), while some (like Power Rankings newcomer and new #1, “Mad Men”) have risen to the occasion and helped fill the void. If there’s any pattern to this year’s TV Power Rankings, however, it’s that there is none. While NBC’s reign in the top 10 continues, a dozen of the 20 shows below didn’t make the cut last year, and nine of those 12 are making their Power Rankings debut (”The Shield,” “The Daily Show” and “Family Guy” have popped up in previous editions). Still think the writers’ strike didn’t have a lasting effect? Think again.

Below you’ll find some sample entries, but be sure to check out the full list, where you’ll also find links to DVD reviews and interviews, as well as some Honorable Mentions and our list of favorite shows currently on hiatus.

1. Mad Men

In any sane world, Matthew Weiner’s “Mad Men” would not be on any “power ranking,” much less in the #1 spot. This supremely stylish drama about the alcohol-soaked, nicotine-stained, sexual harassment and adultery-friendly lives of early ‘60s advertising execs started out as a low-profile curiosity from a former member of the writing staff of “The Sopranos.” Still, with some help from ecstatic reviews and the Emmys, the show has emerged as first-class appointment TV and a launch pad for at least one potential superstar in Jon Hamm. As the metaphysically secretive Don Draper, Hamm knocks back too many Old Fashioneds while casually invoking the sort of grown-up masculine charisma of classic era film stars Gregory Peck and William Holden. Better yet, Season Two saw the show’s large and very strong cast of supporting characters become even stronger and more layered as the subject matter grew bolder. A semi-surreal late-season left turn with a roving band of wealthy Euro-bohemians was just the tip of the iceberg as rape, nuclear annihilation, religion and the meaning of existence were broached, with vaguely disturbing yet highly entertaining and sexy results. “Mad Men” cannot be pegged, and that’s the best thing about it.

11. How I Met Your Mother

We were close. We were so damned close. Creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas had teased us for three years, but we were sure that Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) had finally found the mother of his kids in Stella Zinman (Sarah Chalke). Of course, as we now know, we were wrong, but it was a hell of a ride getting there. Last season, “How I Met Your Mother” found the largest audience of its history as a result of scoring a pair of guest appearances by the superstar train wreck that is Britney Spears. And, even more impressively, she was really funny. Greeted with these new viewers, the series rose to the challenge of keeping them on, offering us Ted and Stella’s courtship, Robin’s rebound relationships, Marshall looking for work, Lily dealing with her credit crisis, and Barney banging as many babes as possible. We’re still not sure about this new wrinkle that Barney’s pining for Robin, but we trust that Bays and Thomas won’t turn it into a jump-the-shark situation. Or if they do, they’ll do it with a knowing wink and a smile.

17. Sons of Anarchy

If you took all the best parts of “The Sopranos” and “The Shield” and smashed them into one show, you’d have something that looks a lot like “Sons of Anarchy.” Created by “The Shield” co-writer and executive producer Kurt Sutter, the series is more Shakespearean than anything on television. It’s essentially a retelling of “Hamlet,” but instead of Danish royalty, they’re a California biker gang. There’s Jax (Charlie Hunnam), the second-in-command; his mother, Gemma (Katey Sagal), the very definition of a queen bee; and his step dad Clay (Ron Perlman), the club’s hard-nosed president and best friend of Jax’s deceased father. Heck, there’s even an Ophelia in the group – Wendy (“The Sopranos” alum Drea de Matteo), the drug-addicted mother of Jax’s newborn son. The theme of family and brotherhood is something that was explored in great length in both “The Sopranos” and “The Shield,” and it’s the driving force behind “Sons of Anarchy.” Add to that a supporting cast made up of some of the best tough guy character actors in the business (Tommy Flanagan, Mark Boone Junior and Kim Coates) and a multi-episode guest stint by Jay Karnes and you’re looking at a top nominee for Best New Show of the Season.

NBC may not be King of the Nielsen Ratings just yet, but we know good television when we see it, and the Peacock has returned in full force with a dominating presence that includes the top three shows and five of the top six. HBO, on the other hand, is experiencing the opposite, with the departure of “The Sopranos,” “Deadwood” and “Rome.” Add to that the fact that our list features a whopping 10 new entries — five of which are freshmen — and you’ve got one heck of a Power Rankings shakeup. Much of this has to do with so many shows being on hiatus until next year, but whatever the cause, it’s nice to see some much-needed change to a usually familiar lineup. And, hey, don’t miss the list of our favorite shows which are currently on hiatus (and are therefore ineligible for the Top-20), our farewell to “The Sopranos,” and our stable of Honorable Mentions.

Check out the list here, then come back and let us know how we did…or if we missed any of your favorites!

For the past twelve weeks, Denis Leary and Co. have managed to deliver award-worthy material packed with risqué storylines and grade-A humor, but while the season finale should have been a grand slam no-brainer, they’ve managed to flush all of their hard work down the toilet with a half-assed cliffhanger ending. First off, where’s the suspense in putting Tommy in the middle of a domestic fire when we all know that they’re not going to kill of the main character? True, it was amusing to see Sheila go nuts (again) and drug him (again), but when she accidentally started a fire by breaking an oil lamp, I just knew that it would end with the old “will he/won’t he” conclusion. Unfortunately, we already know that he won’t, so there’s little to wonder there.

Everyone else, however, didn’t seem to get the same kind of respect. Franco bombed the Lieutenants exam and made himself look like a complete idiot in front of his daughter; Lou has proven himself unable to work/live on the sea; and Probie’s bicurious phase seems to have faded – of course, not until after he participated in a brother/sister threesome. And what about the Chief and Garrity? Well, Sean’s got a new life with Maggie, and Jerry appears to be unofficially retired from the firefighting business, so we can probably call both of their storylines wrapped up, while the other three guys will no doubt return to Ladder 62. And after blowing off Sheila by not signing his retirement papers, Tommy will be back as well, but the real question is: what about her?

The show has proven time and again how casual they are with killing off recurring characters, but seriously, Sheila? Who’s gonna continue fighting for Tommy when he gets back together with Janet at the beginning of season four. Personally, I could care less, because while the show has remained one of the better reasons to turn on your TV in the summertime, there’s really nothing left for me to care about.

Much like the opening lineup of a baseball team, tonight’s episode wasn’t very spectacular, but it did its job by loading the bases with enough possibilities for the season finale to knock home a few runs. Following the random shooting of Tommy’s brother, Johnny, it’s finally revealed that the shooter in question was a hired gun paid to kill the cop planning to testify against some low-level drug dealer. Now, Johnny’s dead and Tommy’s out shopping for a casket. This all seems a little too reminiscent of last season’s second-to-last episode (where Tommy’s son, Colin, was killed in a drunk driving accident), but the writers had to find a way to keep his character on the show, and now that Johnny’s out of the picture, you can bet that Tommy will be back with his wife in no time. Of course, if they really wanted to surprise us, Tommy would stick with his initial plans of moving away with Sheila, but I just don’t see that happening any time soon.

Oh well, at least Garrity finally married Maggie. Then again, the ceremony did take place directly following the burying of Johnny – and at the cemetery, no less – but that only gave the writers the chance to introduce the long-lost (and deaf) Gavin sister, Rosemary. I’m not exactly sure why they did this (perhaps just so the hilarious sign-language gag between Maggie, Rosemary, Tommy and Garrity actually worked), but maybe they felt like the Gavin family was losing too many members. Oh well, perhaps we’ll find out more after next week’s season finale. Then again, maybe not.

If you had any doubt in your mind as to just how good Dennis Leary and Co. are at balancing the comedy and drama in a weekly dose of “Rescue Me,” you won’t any longer after watching tonight’s episode. And because so much happened this week, I’m going to try something a little different and break things down into three categories: the good, the not-so-bad and the ugly.

The Good:

- The Ladder 62 crew chalked up two more hilarious saves in the opening minutes of the show; first saving a wheelchair-bound guy with Motor Neurone Disease (AKA Stephen Hawkings Syndrome), and then a big black woman (named Oprah, no less) who was stuck on a metal fence. Why? Because one of the posts had gone clear through her forearm! Wowzer! Just how this happened isn’t exactly clear, but the fading shot of the guys lifting her up like the flag at Iwo Jima was priceless.

- Lou’s finally dating again, but it turns out that she’s a “semi-nun.” To clarify, she’s currently living in the church as a nun, but will re-enter society at the end of the month. Of course, Tommy isn’t exactly hip to the idea (since he does try to be a good Catholic every once and a while), but it’s nice to see Lou back on his feet.

- Speaking of the two lieutenants, it’s been decided that Lou’s uncle and Tommy’s dad will move in together, partly because they get along with one another, but mostly to get the old farts off of their backs. At first, Tommy goes so far as to describe the idea as “Stephen King’s next novel,” but after hearing that his dad already agreed to the arrangement, it seems like a done deal. This is easily the next great relationship on the series, and we can only hope to see more from these guys in the near future.

The Not-So-Bad:

- Franco has taken the initiative to sit down with Natalie’s retarded brother, Richie, to discuss the possible future between him and his sister. For once, Franco’s not getting screwed over by some outside force, and it looks like he may just find true love after all. Of course, it’d be nice to see the guy a little more worried about his baby girl. You know, she was just kidnapped by a rich white lady…

- Shawn and Maggie continue to bicker about the wedding, causing them to be banned from every church in the area. There’s nothing especially ugly about this whole setup, but it’s definitely getting a bit tiresome after several weeks of the same crap.

- It also looks like Tommy’s going through with the plans to start a family (or at least a future) with Sheila, and after agreeing on the beach house of their liking, Sheila runs to the bank to scoop up the deed. And get this: she doesn’t even want to see what the house looks like inside. As long as the pictures match up, she’s peachy keen… and ready to write a big, fat check.

The Ugly:

The following two events seem better saved for a killer season finale, but we all know how impatient (and unconventional) these guys are. I mean, they did kill Tommy’s son in the second-to-last episode of the previous season.

- Jerry finally gets up the nerve to jump in bed with Carlene (AKA Rastafarian Nurse), but after doing the deed suffers from some sort of heart attack. And here’s the kicker. Instead of staying around to help, or perhaps call 911, the stupid illegal runs for the door because she’s afraid of losing her job. It’s nice to see she really cares about others’ wellbeing. Maybe she isn’t cut out for a job with moral demands like nursing. Just a thought…

- Oh, and are you ready for this? Johnny has just been shot four times in the back. While bullshitting with his partner on the clock (and lounging around in some shady alleyway), a gangster pops out of the woodwork and blasts him when he’s not looking. I can’t imagine why some idiot would just shoot a complete stranger in the back (which makes me think there’s much more to this than just bad luck), but the more pressing matter is how this effects the story.

If Johnny dies, will Janet run back to Tommy? Will Tommy take her back? And if so, does this not completely screw Sheila, who’s just invested in a beach house for her and Tommy? Let’s hope they don’t take this route again, because it wouldn’t go down in history as one of the show’s smarter decisions.

Wow. What an incredibly insignificant hour of television, but since there’s still two more weeks before the big season finale (plenty of time to wrap up all existing subplots and start a few new ones), Episode Ten is often considered a freebie for the writers to pretty much do whatever they want. HBO’s “Entourage” did the same this week with the pointless (but fun) Vegas trip, and “Rescue Me” follows suit with an entire hour dedicated to Tommy reminiscing about his job as a firefighter.

Nothing else exciting really happens. Sheila buys Tommy a new Cadillac pickup truck, only to get stolen from him within twenty minutes. Probie turns in his transfer form, only for Tommy to spread gay rumors to all the other firehouses. Janet and Tommy meet to talk about the baby, but no one knows whose it is. And Franco is given the boot by his girlfriend when her retarded brother gets loose on the town; an obvious ploy by the guy to “keep” his sister all to himself. Tommy also managed to guzzle $200 worth of whiskey without paying a single dime at the end of the episode. How? By telling war stories about his years with the FDNY, of course, not to mention a couple sob stories about 9/11 and a full disclosure of his personal problems. Oh, and in case you were wondering, “World Trade Center” opens tomorrow. What, you didn’t get a chance to see the special promo? Here it is again, just in case you missed it. Ugh.

Following two weeks of excellent, best-of worthy material, the writing team behind “Rescue Me” is going to have a helluva time outdoing themselves any time soon. Tonight’s episode is proof of that. After opening with a killer scene involving the Ladder 62 crew responding to an apartment fire (caused by a heat lamp burning the tenant’s marijuana plants) and watching Garrity and Probie get high off the fumes, the rest of the hour was littered with nothing more than a few slow-progressing subplots to help pass the time.

For one, Probie’s haphazard homosexual experiment is officially out of the bag, and while most of the guys aren’t exactly sure how to take it, Tommy feigns empathy in order to keep his crew together. It’s not going to be as easy as he thinks, however, with Franco taking the lieutenant’s exam and Lou contemplating moving down to Florida to work for his brother’s boating company. Also, now that Garrity is marrying Maggie, Tommy can’t stand hanging out with the guy because he constantly refers to him as his brother; even going so far as to change his firefighter trench coat to read “Gavin.” To counter this, Sheila pleads Tommy to quit and move away with her to a house on the beach, using her widow money from 9/11 as a means of income. Apparently, she’s managed to save up over $1 million (thank you, interest) just by letting the cash sit in the bank for five years.

This probably isn’t going to happen – since no firefighters means no show – but I’m still rooting for Sheila to win him over in the end. This might be a little easier now that Tommy’s discovered Janet is pregnant (courtesy of older brother Johnny), unless, of course, it’s his baby, which we all know is going to be the case. Oh well, at least the show had a few good weeks to deliver before the wheels on this train wreck were set into motion.

Savor the moment, HBO. You currently own more than a quarter of our TV Power Rankings list, but with the imminent departure of “The Sopranos,” “Deadwood” and “Rome,” along with the TBD status of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and the oddly lengthy shooting schedule for the half-season “Extras,” the end of your reign as BE must-see TV could very well be nigh. For the moment, though, we heart you and wish you would ask us to the prom.

Unless Jack Bauer’s still single, in which case we’re spoken for.

Here’s a sample entry from our list:

13. Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO): It seems like a long time between seasons of this great comedy, and I often wonder during the show’s hiatus: What trouble is Larry David into right now? Last season, he had to decide whether or not to give one of his kidneys to Richard Lewis. Richard’s cousin, Louis Lewis, was (conveniently) in a coma and Larry kept visiting him in the hospital, secretly hoping that Louis would croak so that Richard could have Louis’ kidney instead. The other season-long storyline was Larry investigating the possibility that he was adopted, leading to several funny scenes with his supposed gentile birth parents. The show isn’t quite as fresh as it was in its first couple of seasons, but with episode titles like, “The Korean Bookie,” “The Christ Nail” and “Kamikaze Bingo,” how could you be? ~John Paulsen

Check out the full list here.

Probie’s a hero. At least for one week, though the previews for the next episode don’t look as promising. Still, not only did he manage to courageously rescue two trapped firefighters within the opening minutes of the show, but he also won the firehouse $15,000 by accidentally betting the wrong horse from Jerry’s “hot tip.” It’s good to see the newbie getting some face time after playing a background character in the first half of the season. Of course, it’s only going to get worse from here if he really is gay. Just look at the way Jerry treats his gay son, and that’s his own blood. And to add to everything else, Tommy finds out that Probie has put in for a transfer. Bad time, really, since he’s the top dog in the firehouse until the next big rescue.

He’s not the only one making some changes, either. After uncovering a two-page news spread about Con Artist Hooker Girl getting nabbed by the cops for dealing drugs, Lou has an epiphany: treat my body better and enjoy life. And in celebration of his Depression Emancipation, Lou’s decided to start a whole new-age health program that includes yoga classes with an instructor named (get this) Epiphany. Oh, and did I mention Sean and Maggie are getting married? Yeah, well, he was pretty much tricked into proposing to her, but something tells me this isn’t going to last. I mean, does Maggie really look like the kind of girl that wants to settle down anytime soon?

Meanwhile, Uncle Teddy actually does get married to Psycho Prison Chick (she has a name now, and it’s Ellie), and Franco picks up a hot chick (with brains, too) at the bar. Unfortunately, while it’s nice to see the guy finally moving on after the whole Alicia disaster, shouldn’t he be more worried about when he’s going to see his daughter again? This is probably something they should be addressing in the near future, if not already. Maybe they’re just waiting for him to get a little closer to this new girl, and then they can use that against him as a means of forcing her out of his life. Hey, we’ve seen it happen before.

So, it’s official: Sheila is crazy. After spying on Tommy during his night out with Angie, Sheila surprises him at his apartment with a late night dinner. When asked about his date, however, Tommy lies through his teeth. In response to his little white lie, Sheila drugs him (via a cranberry and seltzer) and then rapes him. Oh, and she also smashes up the place to make it look like Tommy got drunk and went wild. Wow. Now that’s commitment. Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s really going to help her cause. Tommy is still totally into Angie, and until she drops him, Sheila’s got no shot at happiness.

Tommy, meanwhile, is having the night of his life. He’s finally bagged a date with Angie, and along with getting some much needed revenge on Johnny (which involved showing up with his ex at an NYPD dinner function), also managed to screw her. A golden star to whoever wrote that particular scene. I could watch Marissa Tomei walk around in lingerie all day long. Of course, Tommy’s unusually long-lasting boner ruins the night and he’s sent home to deal with the female reincarnation of Norman Bates.

The rest of the guys didn’t much screen time this week. Franco’s missing daughter subplot has mysteriously disappeared – as if it’s not even that important – and Probie’s homosexual tendencies are quickly swept under the carpet when a hot bar girl lures him back over to the home team. Tommy’s sister, Maggie, also returns looking to make amends with Garrity, and though she wants to be his girlfriend again, it doesn’t take long for Garrity to mess it up by getting sprayed with mace by a nerdy biker. Of course, this only makes for a hilarious little scene of him stumbling around the firehouse the next day.

Equally as funny is the way that Tommy and Franco help Jerry to get the money that’s owed to him down at the bar. Apparently, this bar owner guy (Birdie, I believe) is a giant prick, so while he’s working alongside Jerry to close down for the night, Tommy calls in a favor and has his Jeep hung from a truck with a crane attacked. Oh, and while I’m talking about tonight’s comedic moments, how about Lou’s night out with Tommy’s two daughters?

“Let me finish my beer, they don’t grow on trees, you know.” Priceless.

I’ve been patiently waiting for Denis Leary and Co. to unleash some classic “Rescue Me” this season, and I’m happy to say that tonight’s episode finally delivered the goods. It was nice to forget about all of the serious stuff for a moment – like Franco’s custody debacle and Lou’s mid-life crisis – and just enjoy what made the series so great in the first place. Take for instance the firehouse antics lining the first half of the show, including the street hockey game, the porno scuffle, and the whole subplot regarding Garrity “accidentally” taking four sleeping pills – though I’m not completely sold on the fact that Tommy wasn’t somehow involved in setting him up. This is great stuff. Has been, and always will be.

Anyways, these specific sleeping pills have been known to cause strange sleepwalking patterns for the user, and Garrity experiences the worst of it when he suddenly “awakens” and decides a night on the town is in order – including a quick five finger discount at the corner market and the pet store (hello, free rabbit) – where he acts more like a zombie than a regular person. And because he’s out cold when the alarm goes off, Garrity misses the biggest fire of the entire season; one that Lou and Franco nearly die in after getting trapped in a blazing room that Tommy has to axe his way through just to get to.

And speaking of our leading man, Tommy’s still got some things on his mind – namely the death of his son, Connor, which he’s still learning to cope with. Then again, he’s also got his big date with Marissa Tomei (her character’s name escapes me, and I could really care less), with who he rehearses with before leaving for dinner. Of course, the big plan is for the new couple to stir up the rumor mill with some juicy gossip that will “conveniently” reach Johnny and Janet, but instead, Sheila discovers their little secret and completely FREAKS OUT. Talk about your dependency issues; though I’m still pulling for Sheila (played by the beautiful Callie Thorn) to win over Tommy when everything is said and done. As for Johnny and Janet, we finally got to see a slice of their home life, but it’s not at all interesting (everyone’s a bit too happy, no?) and I can only hope that we’re not force-fed much more in the future. This doesn’t mean, however, that they should put an end to Tommy and Janet’s playful affair. That’s gonna make for some great television by the season’s end.

In recognition for one of its tightest seasons yet, Fox drama “24” was honored with 12 Emmy nominations today — the most for any broadcast network series. In addition to the obligatory noms for best drama and best actor, the show recognized strong supporting performances from Gregory Itzin as President Buck Buck Brawwk and Jean Smart as the mildly unstable First Lady.

Other nomination highlights:

- In contrast to last year’s near-sweep of the Best Actress in a Comedy category, the “Desperate Housewives” gang was nearly shut out, with only token African-American resident Alfre Woodard picking up a nod for her supporting role as Betty Applewhite.

- Despite winning Best Drama last year, “Lost” was not even nominated in the category this go-round…and neither were any of its regular cast members. Only guest actor Henry Ian Cusick was nominated, for his work as redemption-seeking, six-degrees-of-separation hatch-minder Desmond.

- “House” is one of the five best dramas on television…but that apparently has nothing to do with its Golden Globe winning star Hugh Laurie, who was overlooked in the Emmy nods.

- Cancelled shows are all the rage this year. Nominated shows that are no longer in production include “Arrested Development,” “Huff,” “The West Wing,” “The Comeback,” ” Will & Grace,” and “Six Feet Under.”

- Denis Leary earned a nod for his work in “Rescue Me,” presumably as a result of new nomination rules intended to broaden the field. Leary will likely be whacked by snubbed actor James Gandolfini from “The Sopranos.”

- “Grey’s Anatomy” also received an encouraging number of nods this year, with 11, including Best Drama. Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson will battle it out within the Supporting Actress category for their roles as intern Cristina Yang and resident Miranda Bailey; my money’s on the feisty Bailey for that one.

The awards ceremony will air on NBC the evening of August 27, with Conan O’Brien to host. Click here for access to a complete list of nominees.

So, you’ve just split up with your wife, only to discover that she’s now dating your older brother. What do you do? Track down his ex-wife and plan revenge, of course. Well, that’s what Tommy Gavin would do anyways, and it certainly helps when that woman looks like Marissa Tomei. The chances that Tommy actually stays with her after they’ve had their fun, however? About ten percent. It also doesn’t help that he might have the Little C (“Chlamydia,” as cleared up by Lou, who informs Tommy that the Big C is actually reserved for Cancer), compliments of Ms. Turbity, who’s just been arrested for “raping” a couple of her students; and Damien isn’t even one of the kids mentioned.

Can we all agree that things are getting just a little out of hand? First, Alisha “kidnaps” Keela from right under Franco’s nose. Then, Jerry finally hooks up with his lady friend on the same day that Ginny’s brother agrees to help him out with the cost of assisted living, only to have the check torn apart in his face. And finally, there’s Probie, who may just have the most fucked-up relationship of them all. Aside from getting voluntary blowjobs from his male roommate (despite their claims that neither one is gay), the two engage in random fistfights only to make up several seconds later.

It’s official: the series is digging its own grave, and no one can be blamed except for star Denis Leary, who pulls double duty on the show as the head writer, as well. What else is there to say? After last week’s controversial “rape” scene between Tommy and Janet (which received a good deal of exposure from major publications like the Boston Globe), it seems like Leary and writing/producer partner Peter Tolan are going for pure shock value in order to boost the ratings for the series. What a sad, sad world we live in…

It’s true: every woman in Tommy’s life is crazy. Sheila wants to have his baby; Maggie wants him to stop pestering Garrity (despite his recent claim of love for her); Ms. Turbity wants to be his booty call; and Janet, well, she’s apparently okay with being practically raped by him. No joke. After coming over to discuss their post-marriage financial situation (i.e. who gets what), Tommy throws her down and rips off her shirt. Janet is hesitant at first, and even clocks him a good one, but soon enough she’s moaning along with the good times. Tommy leaves with a wink, and Janet finds a change of clothes just in time before Johnny gets home. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Oh brother.

Meanwhile, as Jerry struggles to keep awake during both of jobs, and Franco stresses over his rich MILF girlfriend, Probie’s situation at home gets even stranger. Apparently, the two roommates aren’t gay, but Probie doesn’t mind getting a blowjob from his buddy while watching the hockey game, and his buddy doesn’t mind doing the giving. Uh-kay. I’m pretty sure that indicates that they’re both a little homosexual, even though Probie claims he will never be on the giving end. It doesn’t matter dude, and yes, oral sex is considered sex. You needn’t go any further than old Clinton jokes to figure that one out.

This subplot is getting more fucked up by the week, but at least Lou’s depressed drunkard act looks to be coming to a close. Franco finally confronted him about that night he saw him toasted on the street, and after a small chat with a homeless man about who’s a bigger loser, Lou went to Tommy for help. Thank god! Any longer and I would have been officially sick and tired of the series taking chances. Then again, I’m still waiting for this whole Probie thing to get cleared up. Either make him gay or don’t; it doesn’t really matter. What does matter, however, is the careful is-he-or-isn’t-he slinking around that the writers seem so proud of adding as a twist. It’s not clever guys, so make up your minds. Or at least make up his…

As the No Smoking cash kitty continues to grow, Jerry and Lou become more desperate for a much needed financial boost. It’s only a matter of time before someone takes the loot, but I have my reservations as to whether or not it will be one of these men. Jerry’s already taken a part-time gig at the local bar, so his cash flow problems are solved, and though Lou looks worse than ever, I can’t imagine the writers dragging this subplot out any longer than it need be.

And while Jerry and Lou deal with their unwelcome fate, Franco couldn’t be any luckier. He’s hooked up with the very sexy Alisha (Sarandon), and she’s probably got enough money to last them more than a lifetime. She’s also totally into Franco’s daughter, Keela, but I’m not so sure this is going to work out. They’re two very different people, and at the end of the day, that plays a big part in the relationship. Alisha has even gone so far as to treat Franco to a new watch, but upon discovering how much it’s worth (a couple thousand, according to Tommy), he promptly returns it.

Meanwhile, Tommy is having an absolute blast toying with Garrity about his secret girlfriend. It’s obvious that he knows by now (he even let Franco in on the joke), and by the look of next week’s episode, doesn’t really mind much. Garrity, on the other hand, is totally sweating his eventual face-off with Tommy, and makes a point of avoiding him at every possible chance. Of course, none of this is as even remotely jaw-dropping as the final scene of the episode: Probie coming home to his apartment to snuggle up on the couch and watch the basketball game with his male roomie. Yeah, it’s what you think.

Oh, and this week’s funniest moment of the week goes to John Scurti (Lou) for his talk with Probie about the book, “The Tao of Pooh”: “You’re taking life lessons from a semi-retarded bear. And it’s not even a real bear.”

Wow. Talk about your sibling rivalries. The heat on this whole Johnny/Janet secret relationship fiasco has just gotten turned way up now that Tommy knows. And he promptly beat the shit out of Johnny as soon as he found out, pouncing him from across the table and then taking it to the streets where he could smash his little brother’s head through some car window. Of course, this shouldn’t have even taken place. All they had to do was keep it cool around Tommy (that means no holding hands or playing footsie), and he would have never found out, but they simply couldn’t contain themselves. As far as I’m concerned, Johnny had that ass whooping coming, but the fact that Tommy threw Janet into a parked car was the icing on the cake. That woman is a crazy succubus who needs a lesson in treating others properly. I mean, did she really need to reject Sheila’s offer to help her up? She was just trying to be supportive. Bitch.

Meanwhile, Lou is really hurting, and the fact that money seems to be on everyone else’s mind isn’t helping. Jerry is struggling with the hike in his wife’s medical bills, Franco is contemplating taking the Lieutenant’s exam, and Probie is still trying to decide whether or not he should transfer out of Ladder 62. And after seeing Johnny get the shit kicked out of him, Garrity’s gotta be worried that Tommy will eventually find out about him dating his younger sister, Maggie. It probably doesn’t help that Tommy’s a little frustrated, either. When he’s not busy helping his younger daughter “dispose” of all the junk food she ate earlier that day, or paying off his oldest (and supposedly born-again) daughter not to mention anything about it to their mother, the poor guy has to put up with a chatty Cathy who’d he much rather fuck than listen to talk about things like cheerleading and interior decorating. It’s actually pretty amazing that he still hasn’t turned to alcohol for a little support, but it shouldn’t be very long before he does. For now, though, that seems to be Lou’s forte.

Oh, and did I forgot to mention that Susan Sarandon made her first appearance tonight? Yeah, she plays a smoking hot businesswoman who’s going to do just about anything she can to seduce Franco into her bedroom. Is FX actually getting anywhere with these big name guest stars? I sure hope so.

It looks like New Line Cinema’s upcoming cult flick (“Snakes on a Plane”) has a few fans on the inside. The first fire of the new “Rescue Me” season was jam-packed with reptiles crawling and slithering to their freedom, but none were more entertaining than the assortment of snakes (including a giant boa constrictor-sized) that scared the shit out of Tommy and the rest of Ladder 62. It’s nice to see that the guys haven’t lost their sense of humor, though, because with a new year comes a new deck of problems, not to mention the old hands that are still on the table; the most significant of course being the death of Tommy’s son, Connor. And while Tommy continues to battle his inner demons, his ex-wife Janet threatens him with divorce court. It also doesn’t help that Janet is banging Tommy’s older brother, Johnny (a plot the writers tried to keep secret ‘til the very end, but one that I had a hunch about since the end of last season), and for now, Tommy is none the wiser.

Meanwhile, Tommy runs to Sheila for help with his dad – who’s acting more like an infant with each passing day – and in turn, is given the task to sit down with her son Damien to have the old “birds and the bees” talk. Damien actually knows more than he’s letting on, and after Tommy grills him about his new fuck buddy, discovers that it’s actually his 37-year-old science teacher. Wow. Talk about your ultimate fantasies. Tommy’s intrigued, anyways, and after going to the school to meet her, it wouldn’t surprise me if the two got involved. Of course, with Janet out of the picture, Sheila’s got my vote as long as she doesn’t start acting crazy again.

The rest of the crew isn’t doing so well, either. Jerry’s up to his head in medical bills, Garrity is dating Tommy’s dominatrix sister, and Kenny is still recovering from the con job that Danielle (or Candi, or whatever her name) pulled on him before skipping town. And much like Probie’s creepy stalker storyline from last season, this is the one subplot that has me extremely worried. Kenny is the heart and soul of the firehouse, and I’d rather not watch him struggle with his losses by acting like a total bum.

Oh, and one more thing: the Chief has officially banned smoking in the firehouse. Yeah, like that’s going to happen…