Variety has the best acceptance speech…ever…as written by “Rescue Me” star Denis Leary. (Keep in mind this is from the POV of an actress, not an actor.)

Okay. First of all — I’d like to thank God for just taking time out of His busy schedule curing cancer and feeding the hungry and solving the crisis in Darfur with George Clooney and helping so many different wide receivers and quarterbacks to throw and catch footballs and instead making sure that I got singled out of such a wonderful group of actors like Meryl and Mary-Louise and Cate Blanchett and Angelina and Marcia Gay and Kate Winslet and just – all the Kates and the Kevins and the two name and the three name people I feel so honored just to be up here while they are all down there and I’d like to just thank the Academy and the people who hated me and treated me like such dirt and who made me stab them in the back just to get here and now you can suck it and Botox! I almost forgot Botox! And Restylin and Cosmoderm and Prestocheek and Instatit and all the other animal agents I’ve had injected into my face and stuff. Oh my god my agents — I almost forgot the entire squad of agents and managers and hangers-on whose asses I have kissed and coddled for so many long B and C movie years now and also — it would be so bad not to thank my team of surgeons who have stretched and sculpted and pulled and pressure-pointed every aspect of my face, neck and armfat until I look so young and ripe and yet somehow still able to move my forehead and eyebrows just enough to frown and laugh and look focused which is a huge part of why I just won this!

And that’s just about a third of it…