Month: February 2009 (Page 13 of 23)

Memo to “Saturday Night Live”: Kristen Wiig must be stopped

Longtime readers of Premium Hollywood surely just said something along the lines of “Whaaaaaa?” when they read this blog’s title, given my 2005 mash note to Ms. Wiig when she made her mid-season debut on “Saturday Night Live.” But enough is enough: she’s become wildly unfunny, and must be stopped.

It doesn’t have to be this way, you know. Wiig is still a fabulous impressionist, as she displayed last week with her spot-on Bjork imitation during Weekend Update. The problem is that the majority of her skits involve her playing the most annoying characters imaginable, as if she’s a female George Costanza with Multiple Personality Disorder. It all started innocently enough, with Target Lady (that’s pronounced “Terruget,” thank you very much) running off every time someone brought something she liked to the counter. Those skits aren’t great but they’re harmless enough, and in one case was redeemed by Justin Timberlake, who’s funnier than half the “SNL” cast, but that’s a post for another day.

From there, we got Amy Poehler’s Aunt Linda, a rubber-faced crank whose reviews consisted of making funny faces. Again, relatively harmless, though less amusing than Target Lady. Wiig still had Poehler to compete with for stage time then, and our guess is that since Wiig knew that Poehler was always going to play the cute girl or the clever girl, Wiig carved out a niche for herself as the oddball, the nut job. Since Poehler’s departure, Wiig has become the alpha female of the cast, but instead of dialing things back a touch, she seems to be trying even harder to irritate people. That has to be the explanation for why they keep bringing back a skit that I can’t fast-forward through quickly enough: Penelope, the passive-aggressive nervous nelly that cannot be topped.

For years, we on the Bullz-Eye staff have thrown around the idea of doing a piece on the best and worst recurring skits in “SNL” history, and at this moment, Penelope would be in the top five, if not Number One. Is there anyone besides the “SNL” writing staff who thinks Penelope is funny? I bet even the cast members hate doing those skits. Ricky Gervais probably finds her funny, since he lives for the awkward pause, but there is style to Gervais’ uncomfortable humor. Penelope, meanwhile, has the grace of a sledgehammer. Hot on Penelope’s heels for the prize of Most Annoying Recurring Skit are the Today Show skits, where Wiig, as Kathie Lee Gifford, spends the entire skit humiliating Hoda Kotb (a very patient Michaela Watkins, my favorite newbie) and making more funny faces. We get it, guys; Kathie Lee’s obnoxious. Can we move on?

Meanwhile, the one recurring skit of Wiig’s that I liked, the Two A-Holes, has mysteriously been shelved. What’s the matter, guys, they’re not annoying enough anymore? And what about those dead-perfect impressions of Judy Garland and Megan Mullally she used to do? I’m not saying that Wiig should completely abandon her gonzo tendencies – though if I’m being honest, I would be perfectly happy to never see any of the above recurring skits again – but would it kill her to take it down a notch? If she doesn’t watch it, she’s going to turn into Melanie Hutsell. Man, if that doesn’t put the fear of God in you, nothing will.

Post Script: My wife added the following comment: “Don’t forget that ‘Just Kidding’ woman and the woman who can’t keep a secret.” Man, this is worse than I thought.

UPDATE: It appears that, 21 months later, my prayers have been answered. Click here to read the follow-up piece, “Kristen Wiig update: SNL got the memo.”

Greetings to the New Show: Dollhouse

“Hi, I’m Joss Whedon. You may remember me from such shows as ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer,’ ‘Angel,’ and ‘Firefly.’ Or perhaps my internet sensation, ‘Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog.’ Or, of course, my role as Douglas the car rental clerk in the famous ‘Rat Saw God’ episode of ‘Veronica Mars.’ And let’s not forget that I also wrote the screenplay for ‘Toy Story.’ Basically, what I’m trying to say is that I’m awesome, and you should watch my new show, ‘Dollhouse,’ because I created it, and everything I create is genius. And also because Eliza Dushku is hot.”

The above is, in fact, not an actual quote from Joss Whedon. It is, however, a nice summation of the things that Fox is hoping you’ll remember and keep in mind when tuning into “Dollhouse.” There are a lot of rumblings about how the show is only “meh,” and how if it was by anyone else, it wouldn’t inspire anyone to watch beyond the pilot episode. I’m here to tell you that this isn’t…well, okay, I can’t say it’s completely untrue. In fact, there’s some stuff that goes down during the first 15 minutes of the episode that will make you feel like you’re being hit over the head with a hammer, so obvious is it attempting to set up the show. Survive beyond that, however, and you’ll probably find yourself intrigued enough to come back next week.

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New York Comic-Con 2009: The Wrap-Up

You know you’re on the right bus for Comic-Con when a guy comes aboard wearing a Flash t-shirt…and he’s followed a guy toting two enormous bags in which to carry swag…and then that guy is followed by Darth Vader.

Actually, now that I think about it, maybe Lord Vader wasn’t actually on the bus with me, but he was most certainly present – and in various heights, weights, shapes, and sizes, no less – during the course of the New York Comic-Con, which took place at New York’s Javitz Center from February 6th through the 8th.

Our man Jason Zingale has been our resident San Diego Comic-Con attendee for the past couple of years, but Bullz-Eye was also in the house for last year’s NYCC, thanks to our man in New York, Jonathan Flax. (Granted, he’s often a quiet man, but he’s still there for us when we need him.) This year, however, I couldn’t resist the chance to take in Comic-Con for myself. The San Diego event takes place immediately after I’ve already spent two-and-a-half weeks in L.A. for the July TCA Press Tour, and by that point, I just can’t be away from my wife and daughter any longer; fortunately, the NYCC takes place long enough after the January TCA tour that I was able to feel comfortable heading out of town to attend. It was disappointing that I had to take in all of the sights, sounds, and events all by my lonesome, but lord knows there were plenty of other people with whom I was sharing the experience. I might’ve come by myself, but I was in no way alone.

Day 1:

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Peter Gabriel bows out of the Oscars

Nikke Finke is reporting over at her Deadline Hollywood Daily blog that Peter Gabriel has pulled out of performing “Down to Earth,” his contribution to the “Wall-E” soundtrack, at the Academy Awards because he doesn’t think the nominated songs, their writers, and their performers are getting enough respect during this year’s Oscars telecast.

Why? Because the producers of the show, Larry Mark and Bill Condon, have opted to present the three nominated songs within a medley.

Says Ms. Frinke:

I’m told the producers have slotted 90 seconds in the medley for each song sung by its original performer. But Gabriel said in his letter that he was only being offered 65 seconds for his song. “I don’t feel that is sufficient time to do the song justice, and I have decided to withdraw from performing,” Gabriel informed AMPAS. “I fully respect and look forward to the producers’ right to revamp the show. Even though song writers are small players in the filmmmaking process, they are just as committed and work just as hard as the rest of the team, and I regret that this new version of the ceremony is being created in part at their expense.”

What do ya’ll think? Personally, I don’t blame the guy. They had a chance to have Peter freaking Gabriel sing his Oscar-nominated song, and instead they said, “Can you cut it down a minute five?” If it’d been me, I don’t know that I’d have been nearly as polite with my response.

Producers of “Fast and Furious” do open audition for models. This should be interesting.

From the Careful What You Wish For Department, the producers of “Fast and Furious” are launching a modeling contest. Send them your sexiest photo, and the winner will receive their choice of a professional modeling session or $5,000. Sounds awesome, right? A bunch of hardbodies will surely put their talents on display in the hopes of getting their big break, right?

Well, yes, but remember the age in which we live; the one where everyone thinks they’re entitled to be famous, and no one has friends who love them enough to stop them from doing something potentially humiliating that will live on the Internet forever and ever. We browsed through a gaggle of the contestants in the “Fast and Furious” contest, and sure enough, there are both smoking hot candidates and girls who have a wildly exaggerated sense of self. This does not mean that we’re saying the women in this latter category are ugly. (Well, some of them are.) In fact, most of the girls who have submitted photos are very attractive, but that alone does not make them model material. Odds are, the woman who wins this contest is already a professional model. That’s how competitive this business is.

Still interested in submitting a picture? Excellent, but before you do, you would be wise to learn from the examples of the other women who have already entered, and will certainly lose. In an attempt at performing some kind of public service, we would like to offer a few tips to consider before shooting the picture that will change your life.*

– Wearing less isn’t necessarily sexier than wearing more. It’s all in how you frame the package.
– Pulling down your bikini top and covering your nipples with masking tape isn’t sexy. It’s creepy.
– Cover up the tattoos, or risk alienating three out of every four people on the planet.
– Choose your background and pose carefully. Megan Fox may have looked hot bent over the car engine in “Transformers,” but she’s Megan Fox, and you’re not.
– You can have the hottest body in the world, but it won’t matter if you aren’t pretty.
– Being hot is not the same as being pretty.
– If we can’t see your face, we’re going to assume you’re hiding something.
– Don’t pose on a stripper pole, or in a position that suggests Ron Jeremy is about to enter the room from stage left. This is a modeling contest, not a porno audition.
– Fishnets are for catching fish.
– Animal prints look better on animals.
– Don’t even think about chains.
– Hats? Really? Look at that girl up there. She is smoking hot. But what part of the picture are your eyes drawn to? Yep, the hat.
– Take off the sunglasses. If your eyes are red from being hung over or stoned, today is not the day to take the picture.
– No one likes stringy hair.
– For God’s sake, smile.

Still think you’ve got what it takes? Then go here and show off your stuff. Good luck, and may you post a picture that will make your children proud. Because they’ll see it one day, you know that, right?

*- It probably won’t change your life. At least not in a good way.

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