From the Careful What You Wish For Department, the producers of “Fast and Furious” are launching a modeling contest. Send them your sexiest photo, and the winner will receive their choice of a professional modeling session or $5,000. Sounds awesome, right? A bunch of hardbodies will surely put their talents on display in the hopes of getting their big break, right?
Well, yes, but remember the age in which we live; the one where everyone thinks they’re entitled to be famous, and no one has friends who love them enough to stop them from doing something potentially humiliating that will live on the Internet forever and ever. We browsed through a gaggle of the contestants in the “Fast and Furious” contest, and sure enough, there are both smoking hot candidates and girls who have a wildly exaggerated sense of self. This does not mean that we’re saying the women in this latter category are ugly. (Well, some of them are.) In fact, most of the girls who have submitted photos are very attractive, but that alone does not make them model material. Odds are, the woman who wins this contest is already a professional model. That’s how competitive this business is.
Still interested in submitting a picture? Excellent, but before you do, you would be wise to learn from the examples of the other women who have already entered, and will certainly lose. In an attempt at performing some kind of public service, we would like to offer a few tips to consider before shooting the picture that will change your life.*
– Wearing less isn’t necessarily sexier than wearing more. It’s all in how you frame the package.
– Pulling down your bikini top and covering your nipples with masking tape isn’t sexy. It’s creepy.
– Cover up the tattoos, or risk alienating three out of every four people on the planet.
– Choose your background and pose carefully. Megan Fox may have looked hot bent over the car engine in “Transformers,” but she’s Megan Fox, and you’re not.
– You can have the hottest body in the world, but it won’t matter if you aren’t pretty.
– Being hot is not the same as being pretty.
– If we can’t see your face, we’re going to assume you’re hiding something.
– Don’t pose on a stripper pole, or in a position that suggests Ron Jeremy is about to enter the room from stage left. This is a modeling contest, not a porno audition.
– Fishnets are for catching fish.
– Animal prints look better on animals.
– Don’t even think about chains.
– Hats? Really? Look at that girl up there. She is smoking hot. But what part of the picture are your eyes drawn to? Yep, the hat.
– Take off the sunglasses. If your eyes are red from being hung over or stoned, today is not the day to take the picture.
– No one likes stringy hair.
– For God’s sake, smile.
Still think you’ve got what it takes? Then go here and show off your stuff. Good luck, and may you post a picture that will make your children proud. Because they’ll see it one day, you know that, right?
*- It probably won’t change your life. At least not in a good way.