Tag: Mary Lynn Rajskub (Page 6 of 9)

Hi everyone, I’m back. So, what did I miss? (*thinks about using emoticon, decides to move on*)

Thanks to the many people that sent in quotes for the captions. They were all quite entertaining, though the one of Jack and Senator Dumbass supposedly looking at a woman with a horse was easily my favorite. It was crude, yes, but smartly written. Nicely done, Jay. And now, back to the blog…

The people that write Entertainment Weekly’s “In the Bullseye” section love Sprague Grayden and her Hillary Clinton character. I want whatever drugs they’re taking, because she makes me craaaaaaaaaaazy. When is someone going to finally grab her by the scruff of her neck and say, “This isn’t about you, Olivia”? Nothing about her character rings true to me. She’s a clock killer, a device the writers have installed when they need to manufacture a little conflict. Jonas Brother may be a sociopath, but he’s a hell of a lot more fun to watch. She’s both a pain and a bore. Kill her now, please.

On the plus side, we get Chloe back, and not a moment too soon. Not even Janis’ own people seem thrilled to have her on staff at this point, as she took verbal dress-downs from both Bauers Jack and Jacqueline (Chloe resorted to her usual passive-aggressive snide remark). I pictured GiantGary waving his arms in the air like he was at a Sunday revival in the deep south when Jack laid into Janis. Even though he said David Palmer instead of Allison Taylor, he still PWND her. I guess I don’t understand Janis’ reluctance to use CTU’s server. It’s a government database, and they need to find a bioweapon. What’s the problem?

“Can I count on you to do the right thing?” “If by that you mean completely fuck up everything you put in motion for my own selfish interests, then I’m your girl, Mom.”

Lastly, we must discuss Tony Almeida’s sudden transformation into Woody Harrelson from “Natural Born Killers.” Dude popped three people this week alone, which has to be a record for him. With his official Dead Feds count at three (*pours out a 40 for Dudley Do-Right*), I think it’s safe to say that there is no way that Tony is still undercover as the dude playing the dude disguised as a bad dude, if that makes any sense. He has to be bad and nothing but bad. Otherwise, he would have wounded those agents tonight and only knocked Larry out. The only question is just how far Jack shoves his foot up Tony’s ass in the final minutes. After Kim saves Jack from the Howard Hughes bioweapon, of course. “It’s the way of the future, the way of the future…”

All right, one more thought. I found it very curious that that shots were fired in Tony’s Sleaz-E Motel room, and yet that did not arouse the suspicion of management. You have to think that at least one guest at that hotel is not a wanted fugitive and would be spooked, right? Maybe they’re all sound sleepers. It is three in the morning, after all.

In the interest of full disclosure, this blog entry is not receiving the thorough once-over that I try to give the others. It’s Opening Day (go Cubs), and I am expecting my second child to arrive no later than Thursday. “24” is not really first and foremost in my thoughts at the moment. Hopefully I haven’t left you guys with a complete dud of a blog entry before I take a couple weeks off to spend some time with Lil Med #2. (Don’t worry, we’ll post a blog entry each Monday night if you good people still wish to come here and talk/vent about it.) I certainly don’t want to leave you with a dud after an episode as craptacular as the one they aired tonight.

In the opening scene, I was expecting my TV screen to implode, because Jon Voight started chewing up the scenery like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Jonas Pacino, hoo-ahhh! Fortunately, he toned it down for the rest of the episode…except when he confronted Starkwood’s CEO, at which point he morphed into Jonas DeNiro and used a decanter to beat the CEO to death, “Untouchables”-style. How that man thought he would live to tell the tale of anything he did after answering Jack’s call, I’ll never know. A call from Jack is like a call from Daveigh Chase in “The Ring.” Forty minutes…

I found the entire exchange between Hillary Clinton and her weasel news contact Ken to be one of the most unintentionally funny things in “24” history. For starters, Ken tries to blackmail Hillary into sleeping with him in order to kill a story he had already approved, and Hillary trumps him by using her camera phone to record the two of them having sex. To quote George Clooney in “Out of Sight,” this is the dumbest shakedown in the history of shakedowns. If he runs the news story, she has no choice but to leak the video, which will ruin both of them. Her idea for leverage wasn’t well thought out, if you axe me.

“Tell me, Doctor, when do I get to do some real acting?” “Trust me, Mr. Bauer, as soon as this wears off, your eyes will bulge like Arnold Schwarzenegger on Mars in ‘Total Recall.'” “Sweet.”

We have yet another Kim Bauer reference, which means she will absolutely be appearing before season’s end. I hope they show her looking like any of us would look if we received a call in the middle of the night saying our father was sick and needed our immediate help: hair pulled up under a baseball cap and wearing sweats. Of course, this is Kim Bauer we’re talking about, which means she’ll be decked out in Donna Karan. The doctor said that Jack would need an immediate family member to serve as a donor, and my clever wife beat me to the punch line: “What about his son?”

Oh, and how about the bug-eyed scene by Jack when the virus first took effect? “Look, ma, I’m acting!”

I’m not sure what to make of the standoff between Jonas and Madame Prez. Would she really back down? Was Jonas telling her that she can’t tell anyone what’s going on, or just that she can’t leak to the press what’s going on? I suppose, given that she has no idea that her own daughter is her biggest liability, she is right to be suspicious of her cabinet, but if she doesn’t give the Joint Chiefs a little something to nibble on, she’s going to lose their trust.

Lastly, there was Tony’s ability to float through a locked-down facility containing a bioweapon, shooting video of it on his phone, without drawing a single person’s attention. I can’t wait to see how he gets out of that. Or maybe he doesn’t, and this is the moment where he goes down brandishing an AK-47 and a flamethrower. Quick, where’s the hooker and the blow?

Our man Will Harris is interviewing Jacqueline Bauer herself on Tuesday April 7 at 1PM EST. If you have any questions for the lovely Annie Wersching, please post them here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to bed, since sleep is about to be a very scarce commodity in my life.

Tonight’s episode of “24” is the first one I can remember that didn’t have a ‘B’ story. I guess the ‘B’ story was Madame Prez’s boneheaded decision to appoint First Succubus Hillary Clinton as her temporary Chief of Staff until they find a replacement, but since that move won’t yield any (rotten) fruit until next week, it hardly counts as a subplot. Nope, tonight was all about the Feds getting their ducks in a row so they can keep Starkwood Country Club from committing the country’s most heinous act of treason since “24” parent company Fox released “From Justin to Kelly” in 2003. And it was all going so smoothly, too. Hey, the good guys are gonna win this time!

Uh, not quite. You have to admit, though, the amateur one-act play between Jonas Brother and Jonas Jr. was good for a laugh, right? Come on, there is no way Jonas Jr. — who looks like he could be the son of President Charles “Buck Buck Brawwwwwwk!” Logan — is going to speak of destroying the weapons in front of Tony, nuh-uh. And in any other episode in the history of “24,” Tony doesn’t fall for that ruse. Instead, he waits until the President is about to sign the immunity agreement and says, “Stop,” then beats the shit out of Jonas Jr. for an hour and a half. You know that Carlos Bernard read the script for this week’s episode and said, “Noooooooooooooooooooooo!” And to make matters worse, he’s probably going to die before the season’s over (just a hunch, that’s not based on any gossip), and for this to be one of his last acts would just be wrong. Tony should go out like Bill Buchanan, only bigger. AK-47 in one hand, flamethrower in the other, while snorting coke off a stripper’s ass. Make it happen, guys.

“Everything’s in place, boss.” “Thanks, lackey. You know I crap bigger than you, right?”

On the plus side, my wish to see Kiefer Sutherland do some Serious Acting is about to come true. It turns out that, shocker, Jack’s tested positive for the Starkwood bioweapon, which sounds like an accelerated strain of Mad Cow Disease. And there’s no cure, dunt dunt duuuuunh. Why was I tempted to laugh at Jacqueline’s single solitary tear when she heard the news? I believe that she is truly broken up about this, but she needs to remember that this is Jack freaking Bauer we’re talking about here. He’s not going to let some stinking virus take him down. Instead, he’ll go undercover as a smaller virus, infiltrate the Mad Cow virus, and roundhouse kick it until it leaves his body. And anyway, Sutherland begins shooting the next season of “24” in April, and I don’t think they’re pulling a Patrick Duffy to make that work. Man, does anyone under 30 even get that reference? God, I’m old.

I have to admit, even though I knew full well that the warehouse Dudley Do-Right and his merry men raided at episode’s end would be empty, I liked the Americans vs. Americans standoff, a la “The Rock.” I saw the guys on the roof, and immediately heard Ed Harris’ voice in my head. “Your unit is covered from an elevated position, Commander.” Still, the fact that Starkwood set up the Feds like this — is Jonas Jr.’s immunity agreement still binding if he lied through his teeth in order to get it? — has to be a dead giveaway that the real bioweapon is on the complete opposite end of the compound, right? Hell, I did that move in Stratego 30 years ago. Build a wall of bombs, take out a bunch of my opponent’s highest ranking men, and then when he came in with the miner (he was the 8 then; he’s the 3 now) to capture my flag, he’d realize that I was protecting…a 7, pow. Meanwhile, my flag would be in the opposite corner, guarded by one bomb and my 1. It was dangerous, but it was incredibly effective. Just sayin’, guys. If the Feds don’t know where the mad cows are with Starkwood’s bait-and-switch, then God help us all.

Next week (Mr. Paulsen, you may turn your eyes away now if you do not wish to see my “spoilers”): Hillary Clinton sleeps with her TV contact in order to get him to bury a story? In what universe is that the right play? Even if she gets her comeuppance at season’s end and goes to jail, it won’t be enough. She needs to die a slow death. I’m thinking flesh-eating beetles.