Hi everyone, I’m back. So, what did I miss? (*thinks about using emoticon, decides to move on*)

Thanks to the many people that sent in quotes for the captions. They were all quite entertaining, though the one of Jack and Senator Dumbass supposedly looking at a woman with a horse was easily my favorite. It was crude, yes, but smartly written. Nicely done, Jay. And now, back to the blog…

The people that write Entertainment Weekly’s “In the Bullseye” section love Sprague Grayden and her Hillary Clinton character. I want whatever drugs they’re taking, because she makes me craaaaaaaaaaazy. When is someone going to finally grab her by the scruff of her neck and say, “This isn’t about you, Olivia”? Nothing about her character rings true to me. She’s a clock killer, a device the writers have installed when they need to manufacture a little conflict. Jonas Brother may be a sociopath, but he’s a hell of a lot more fun to watch. She’s both a pain and a bore. Kill her now, please.

On the plus side, we get Chloe back, and not a moment too soon. Not even Janis’ own people seem thrilled to have her on staff at this point, as she took verbal dress-downs from both Bauers Jack and Jacqueline (Chloe resorted to her usual passive-aggressive snide remark). I pictured GiantGary waving his arms in the air like he was at a Sunday revival in the deep south when Jack laid into Janis. Even though he said David Palmer instead of Allison Taylor, he still PWND her. I guess I don’t understand Janis’ reluctance to use CTU’s server. It’s a government database, and they need to find a bioweapon. What’s the problem?

“Can I count on you to do the right thing?” “If by that you mean completely fuck up everything you put in motion for my own selfish interests, then I’m your girl, Mom.”

Lastly, we must discuss Tony Almeida’s sudden transformation into Woody Harrelson from “Natural Born Killers.” Dude popped three people this week alone, which has to be a record for him. With his official Dead Feds count at three (*pours out a 40 for Dudley Do-Right*), I think it’s safe to say that there is no way that Tony is still undercover as the dude playing the dude disguised as a bad dude, if that makes any sense. He has to be bad and nothing but bad. Otherwise, he would have wounded those agents tonight and only knocked Larry out. The only question is just how far Jack shoves his foot up Tony’s ass in the final minutes. After Kim saves Jack from the Howard Hughes bioweapon, of course. “It’s the way of the future, the way of the future…”

All right, one more thought. I found it very curious that that shots were fired in Tony’s Sleaz-E Motel room, and yet that did not arouse the suspicion of management. You have to think that at least one guest at that hotel is not a wanted fugitive and would be spooked, right? Maybe they’re all sound sleepers. It is three in the morning, after all.