Tag: James Morrison (Page 2 of 5)

I just realized something: “24” has been liberal in the past with product placement shots of Ford F150s barreling through the streets of Los Angeles, but not once can I recall anyone on the show drinking anything that would either help with either hydration or the fact that it’s four in the morning and all concerned have to be freaking exhausted. No coffee, no soda, no Red Bull…no way, dude. All I know is that if I’m Chloe, I’ve got a Big Gulp filled with Diet Pepsi next to my keyboard (and a flask of Jack Daniel’s in my top drawer to slip into it once the situation is officially under control). It’s a natural fit in terms of realistic product placement. The Red Bull, that is, not the Jack.

It was a rather atypical “24” episode in that only one man died, but that man was the man. Godspeed, Jonas Brother. You will be missed. (Loved his line about his new alias of Robert Tippett: “Sounds like a breed of dog.”) Of course, I knew that he was going to bite it even after Hillary Clinton realized the limits of her self-absorbed righteousness, because that’s just what happens on this show. But here’s my working theory on this, and I don’t think this is a stretch: Hillary’s contract killer didn’t do the job. Let’s face it, they don’t kill people pro bono. It’s too risky. No, I think the shadowy company with whom Jonas was in league orchestrated that hit, but for them to pull it off, there must be one more person on the inside that could have provided them with Jonas’ travel arrangements.

Janis.

“I worked at a box factory? Really, that’s my new back story? Man, you guys suck at this. Oh well, it doesn’t matter, because I’ll be dead in five minutes anyway.”

Let’s examine the circumstantial evidence. She can monitor everything the Feds are doing to find the weapon. (This would also explain why she was so paranoid about Billy Walsh earlier in the day.) She whines about racial profiling and Big Brother, which is a great cover for a military contractor’s informant. She knew Jonas Brother’s itinerary, because we saw her in his room shortly before he was released. But most importantly, from a storytelling perspective, her character has nothing else to offer at this point. Chloe’s doing all the tech work. Janis’ role for the last two hours has been to impede the investigation with her righteous bleating. Hello, mole!

Now watch us find out next week that it was Hillary’s contract killer that blew up the car. Wouldn’t that suck? I mean really, how boring, how logical.

I was impressed with the way the brother of the framed Muslim shattered the mirror and dispatched the hostile in about 9.8 milliseconds. That was a pretty dope move for a civilian. Hmmm…

It’s clear to me that Hillary Clinton is going to get her ass handed to her before all is said and done. The only question is for which one of the many offenses she committed today. There is a quote from her in the scenes for next week’s episode (cover your eyes, Mr. Paulsen) about how the Justice Department is inquiring about her whereabouts, but if that’s true, then it must be looking into time she spent outside of the White House. Does the camera phone sex video come back into play? And maybe they’ll seize the opportunity to portray a leaked sex tape as a bad thing? (Seriously, sex tapes are calculated career moves for C-list celebrities these days. How fucked up is that? End of rant.) Can’t wait to see the look on Madame Prez’s face when she’s forced to watch that puppy. The only way that scene would be better is if afterward, she bends Hillary over her knee and spanks her like the insolent child that she is. Hey, a blogger can dream.

Hi everyone, I’m back. So, what did I miss? (*thinks about using emoticon, decides to move on*)

Thanks to the many people that sent in quotes for the captions. They were all quite entertaining, though the one of Jack and Senator Dumbass supposedly looking at a woman with a horse was easily my favorite. It was crude, yes, but smartly written. Nicely done, Jay. And now, back to the blog…

The people that write Entertainment Weekly’s “In the Bullseye” section love Sprague Grayden and her Hillary Clinton character. I want whatever drugs they’re taking, because she makes me craaaaaaaaaaazy. When is someone going to finally grab her by the scruff of her neck and say, “This isn’t about you, Olivia”? Nothing about her character rings true to me. She’s a clock killer, a device the writers have installed when they need to manufacture a little conflict. Jonas Brother may be a sociopath, but he’s a hell of a lot more fun to watch. She’s both a pain and a bore. Kill her now, please.

On the plus side, we get Chloe back, and not a moment too soon. Not even Janis’ own people seem thrilled to have her on staff at this point, as she took verbal dress-downs from both Bauers Jack and Jacqueline (Chloe resorted to her usual passive-aggressive snide remark). I pictured GiantGary waving his arms in the air like he was at a Sunday revival in the deep south when Jack laid into Janis. Even though he said David Palmer instead of Allison Taylor, he still PWND her. I guess I don’t understand Janis’ reluctance to use CTU’s server. It’s a government database, and they need to find a bioweapon. What’s the problem?

“Can I count on you to do the right thing?” “If by that you mean completely fuck up everything you put in motion for my own selfish interests, then I’m your girl, Mom.”

Lastly, we must discuss Tony Almeida’s sudden transformation into Woody Harrelson from “Natural Born Killers.” Dude popped three people this week alone, which has to be a record for him. With his official Dead Feds count at three (*pours out a 40 for Dudley Do-Right*), I think it’s safe to say that there is no way that Tony is still undercover as the dude playing the dude disguised as a bad dude, if that makes any sense. He has to be bad and nothing but bad. Otherwise, he would have wounded those agents tonight and only knocked Larry out. The only question is just how far Jack shoves his foot up Tony’s ass in the final minutes. After Kim saves Jack from the Howard Hughes bioweapon, of course. “It’s the way of the future, the way of the future…”

All right, one more thought. I found it very curious that that shots were fired in Tony’s Sleaz-E Motel room, and yet that did not arouse the suspicion of management. You have to think that at least one guest at that hotel is not a wanted fugitive and would be spooked, right? Maybe they’re all sound sleepers. It is three in the morning, after all.

In the interest of full disclosure, this blog entry is not receiving the thorough once-over that I try to give the others. It’s Opening Day (go Cubs), and I am expecting my second child to arrive no later than Thursday. “24” is not really first and foremost in my thoughts at the moment. Hopefully I haven’t left you guys with a complete dud of a blog entry before I take a couple weeks off to spend some time with Lil Med #2. (Don’t worry, we’ll post a blog entry each Monday night if you good people still wish to come here and talk/vent about it.) I certainly don’t want to leave you with a dud after an episode as craptacular as the one they aired tonight.

In the opening scene, I was expecting my TV screen to implode, because Jon Voight started chewing up the scenery like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Jonas Pacino, hoo-ahhh! Fortunately, he toned it down for the rest of the episode…except when he confronted Starkwood’s CEO, at which point he morphed into Jonas DeNiro and used a decanter to beat the CEO to death, “Untouchables”-style. How that man thought he would live to tell the tale of anything he did after answering Jack’s call, I’ll never know. A call from Jack is like a call from Daveigh Chase in “The Ring.” Forty minutes…

I found the entire exchange between Hillary Clinton and her weasel news contact Ken to be one of the most unintentionally funny things in “24” history. For starters, Ken tries to blackmail Hillary into sleeping with him in order to kill a story he had already approved, and Hillary trumps him by using her camera phone to record the two of them having sex. To quote George Clooney in “Out of Sight,” this is the dumbest shakedown in the history of shakedowns. If he runs the news story, she has no choice but to leak the video, which will ruin both of them. Her idea for leverage wasn’t well thought out, if you axe me.

“Tell me, Doctor, when do I get to do some real acting?” “Trust me, Mr. Bauer, as soon as this wears off, your eyes will bulge like Arnold Schwarzenegger on Mars in ‘Total Recall.'” “Sweet.”

We have yet another Kim Bauer reference, which means she will absolutely be appearing before season’s end. I hope they show her looking like any of us would look if we received a call in the middle of the night saying our father was sick and needed our immediate help: hair pulled up under a baseball cap and wearing sweats. Of course, this is Kim Bauer we’re talking about, which means she’ll be decked out in Donna Karan. The doctor said that Jack would need an immediate family member to serve as a donor, and my clever wife beat me to the punch line: “What about his son?”

Oh, and how about the bug-eyed scene by Jack when the virus first took effect? “Look, ma, I’m acting!”

I’m not sure what to make of the standoff between Jonas and Madame Prez. Would she really back down? Was Jonas telling her that she can’t tell anyone what’s going on, or just that she can’t leak to the press what’s going on? I suppose, given that she has no idea that her own daughter is her biggest liability, she is right to be suspicious of her cabinet, but if she doesn’t give the Joint Chiefs a little something to nibble on, she’s going to lose their trust.

Lastly, there was Tony’s ability to float through a locked-down facility containing a bioweapon, shooting video of it on his phone, without drawing a single person’s attention. I can’t wait to see how he gets out of that. Or maybe he doesn’t, and this is the moment where he goes down brandishing an AK-47 and a flamethrower. Quick, where’s the hooker and the blow?

Our man Will Harris is interviewing Jacqueline Bauer herself on Tuesday April 7 at 1PM EST. If you have any questions for the lovely Annie Wersching, please post them here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to bed, since sleep is about to be a very scarce commodity in my life.