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My Soul to Take

Wes Craven has had his share of ups and downs over the years (for every “A Nightmare on Elm Street,” there’s a “Shocker”), but when he fails, he fails hard, as is painfully evident with his latest film, “My Soul to Take.” Though it’s admirable of Craven to try and reinvigorate the slasher genre by introducing a horror villain for a new generation, the Riverton Ripper – a serial killer who reemerges 16 years after his mysterious disappearance to stalk a group of local kids who were born on the same day – simply doesn’t compare to icons like Freddy Krueger or Ghostface. It doesn’t help that Craven keeps him hidden for most of the film, because not only is there no suspense to the story, but the twist ending that he’s trying to protect is built around a single lie that falls apart as soon as the killer’s identity is revealed. The Ripper also isn’t very scary, and when he does come out to kill, it’s done in perhaps the most nonchalant, uninspired ways possible. Then again, the victims aren’t really deserving of any better, as they’re little more than cardboard cutouts of what I can only imagine Craven believes to be an accurate representation of modern day teenagers. This is low-grade horror at its worst, and unless you’re looking for some cheap laughs by skewering the movie “MST3K”-style, you’d be well advised to keep your distance.

Click to buy “My Soul to Take”

American Idol: judges keep spreading love

It sure is going to get interesting as this season of “American Idol” gets into the real judging of Hollywood, because Randy, Steven and Jennifer continue to be much more lenient than Simon ever was. I have said I think it’s refreshing and I stand by that, but I think they are going to have a difficult time making actual cuts in a few weeks. Here were the highlights and (a few) lowlights from last night’s Austin auditions:

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The zombie variations

There is truly no end to the number of routes to Zombieville and I’ve got two vague teasers to prove it. First, courtesy of Dread Central, an Israeli zombie flick. As if the Middle East didn’t have enough intractable problems.

And here’s an amusing behind-the-scenes trailer via Cinematical featuring Penn Jillette for the first movie I’ve heard of with, yes, cannibal zombie little people, though you won’t see any actual ravenous small folk in it.

Wednesday trailer: The Apatow machine goes transgender in “Bridemaids”

Judd Apatow produces with his “Freaks and Geeks” cohort, Paul Feig, directing. The ever-controversial Kristen Wiig stars and cowrites with actress Annie Mumolo.

Regular readers know that I’m a fan of Apatow. I’m also generally well disposed toward most of the cast, Wiig included. (Though I find the quality of the vast majority of the writing on SNL these days kind of appalling, and she’s involved with that.) However, based on this trailer, despite precisely two funny moments, my reaction to the thought of seeing this movie is in line with Jon Hamm’s reaction to the thought of attending that wedding.

The Biggest Loser: the big merger

We’re not talking about a multi-national corporate merger here, just a merger between the Biggest Loser ranch contestants, and the “unknowns,” as they have come to be known.

Since the President’s speech last week cut the episode short, they had to finish up the weigh-in of the Ranch group. But first, they showed the unknowns working out, and Q being disrespectful to his trainer Cara and the rest of the team by walking away from a group workout. The dude didn’t feel like he was getting his “burn” and I have to be honest here–I know he walked away without saying anything, but I understood why he did it. Still, many of those around him don’t feel like he’s pulling his weight, so to speak; the same way the ranch contestants feel about big Arthur.

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