Another week, another victim on “Harper’s Island.” As usual, we won’t spoil the person’s identity for those who haven’t watched the episode yet, but, man, you should’ve seen the look on their face right before they got what was coming to them. And if you didn’t see it…well, it’s a little late now. (You’ll have to watch the episode to understand why that’s funny.)
Let’s head on over to the interview, shall we…?
– NBC wants shorter seasons from “Heroes,” according to AdAge.com. The network is looking for 18 to 20 episodes instead of the usual 25, with fewer in-season breaks. I’m all for shorter seasons, as shorter usually equals better.
– ABC has renewed “Lost,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” — no surprises there — “Brothers & Sisters,” “Desperate Housewives,” “Ugly Betty” and “Private Practice,” but “Cupid,” “Better Off Ted,” “Castle,” “Scrubs,” “Samantha Who?” and “The Unusuals” are still in limbo. TV.com thinks that “Castle” has the best chance of surviving.
– Television Without Pity lists 10 series that deserve a movie before “CSI.”
– Yahoo TV highlights 16 season finales that are coming up over the next five weeks.
Remember last week at the end of episode of “Hell’s Kitchen” when they said something about us not believing who they send home this week? Yeah, well that was truly hype from FOX and I know now not to ever believe them. At the start of last night’s episode, they showed Ben enduring the wrath of Gordon Ramsay and that if it weren’t for Robert leaving the show and Andrea having a free pass, Ben would have been next in line to go home.
Then they began with Ramsay bringing out three of his signature dishes, and they all loved his fish stew, which he then asked them all to re-create as best as possible. Ben was cheating a bit by finding a secret ingredient and then hiding it. And when Ramsay tested all four from Danny, Ben, Paula and Andrea, he said that all four were very good. But he eliminated Andrea immediately for missing a key ingredient, and then Ben…so it came down to Paula and Danny. He chose Danny because Danny used stock instead of water…I’m not sure how he knew that, but Ramsay has a Superman palate. So Danny finally won a challenge, and Ramsay took him for a ride in a private stunt plane. Very cool. The others, meanwhile, had to clean and prep the kitchen for dinner. Andrea was whining the whole time, which annoyed Ben and Paula to no end.
Then Ramsay sent them all to their dorms before dinner, and the big “surprise” was that he was giving them all a set of cookware for making the Final 4. As Mrs. Mike said, “BO-RING!” At the dinner service, Paula was slower than usual but Andrea literally lost two of her Beef Wellingtons, and Ben was his usual sloppy self. Then there was a very large dude who proposed to his girlfriend…and I do mean very large. Anyway, the dinner service started so well but then the wheels eventually came off, and Ramsay said he was disappointed. He asked the four to come up with a consensus nominee for elimination.
Last night’s “American Idol” results show was one of the most painful to watch in recent memory, and not just because we had to sit through two eliminations. The medley of performers from the disco era was easily the worst thing this show has ever produced, and something I want to try and forget as soon as I’m done writing this blog.
First, Ryan Seacrest announced that there were 45 million votes Tuesday night, the most this season so far. Yay America. Then they showed the final 7 preparing for their group performance with judge Paula Abdul doing the choreography. They did “Shake Your Body Down To the Ground” with the dancing being pretty good for a change. The pre-recorded vocal tracks weren’t bad either.
Then, on to business. Seacrest had Lil Rounds stand up and then he rambled on about how the show needs her in the competition, blah blah blah. Then he brought her out to the front of the stage, where he told her that she was going home. Nice going Ryan, was that “this show needs you” thing really necessary? Lil sang “I’m Every Woman” again and Paula ranted on about how Lil should have sang like that the night before. Whatever….at this stage of the competition Lil was next in line to go home anyway.
Then came one of the worst 10 minutes in Idol history….a disco medley by aging ’70’s stars Frida Payne, Thelma Houston and KC of KC & The Sunshine Band. Frida sang her only hit, “Band of Gold” and she was stuffed into this gold sparkly dress and has absolutely no vocal ability left, I’m sure of it; then Thelma Houston sang “Don’t Leave Me This Way” and she also looked and sounded old; finally, KC of KC & the Sunshine Band came out and with his giant red shirt and big balding head looked like Tony Soprano, and sang his hit “Get Down Tonight.” Folks, I can’t imagine James Gandolfini doing a worse job than KC did….and dude surely could have used Paula Abdul’s coaching as a dancer too…yikes. And that red shirt….like a popping flash bulb, that image is burned into my eyelids. To make matters worse, this was not a brief medley…..each performer did their entire song, so the whole thing went on for at least 10 minutes…..and each one of them looked like they needed oxygen afterward.
Dear Ms. Hewitt,
Can I call you Jennifer? No? How about Jenny? All right, Ms. Hewitt it is.
Big fan, big fan. Ever since the days of “Party of Five.”
Anyway, on the cover of the latest issue of Maxim, the magazine touts your recent photo shoot as your “sexiest shoot ever.” I quickly flipped through to find your photos, and although I’m not sure what I was expecting, I was a little disappointed. It was probably a little sexier than this Maxim shoot, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the Rolling Stone shoot that produced this wonderful pic.
Qualms aside, I’m writing today to implore you…no, to beg you, once and for all, to unleash the puppies. Much has been written about your ample bosom, and there isn’t much to say that hasn’t already been said. Simply stated, they’re spectacular. Or at least we think they are.
Herein lies the problem. You have been understandably reluctant to appear topless in any photo shoots or movies. I get it — you consider yourself a serious actress and you don’t want to sully your craft by appearing nude. But time is wearing thin. You just turned 30 in February and barring some plastic surgery, they’re never going to look quite as good as they do today.
So if you haven’t already, please find a photographer you trust and take some revealing (yet tasteful) photos. Like Jessica Alba’s derrier, your bosom is of monumental historical significance, and it needs to be documented. It is of no concern to me whether you decide to release the pictures now or if you choose to lock the negatives away in a safety deposit box somewhere in Iowa, I will sleep easier just knowing that they’re out there. Then maybe in 10 or 15 years, when your career needs a boost, you can quietly leak them. Even if you decided to wait until you were in your 90’s, I’d be happy to know that future generations would be able to Google “Jennifer Love Hewitt nude” and find something other than poorly Photoshopped fakes.
Who knows, depending on how they turn out, these pictures have the potential to do great things. It’s not inconceivable that the pictures produced from a full shoot could bring peace to the Middle East or even end the proliferation of nuclear weapons.
Don’t you see — you owe it to the world, Ms. Hewitt. Please don’t let us down.
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