Will is a member of the Television Critics Association and has written for Decider.com, the Onion A.V. Club, The Dissolve, Indiewire, Rhino.com, TV Week Magazine, The Virginian-Pilot, Popdose.com, and EW.com along with writing for Bullz-Eye.com and Premium Hollywood.
I’m in the middle of watching the PBS miniseries, “Pioneers of Television,” and in the middle of the episode which focuses on the variety show, I was thrilled to see an appearance from what has always been my favorite moment from “The Carol Burnett Show.” It always shows up on blooper specials, but you know how that series was: if they’d yanked every moment from the show where they were cracking up, you wouldn’t have had a show.
Anyway, sit back and enjoy as Tim Conway goes out of his way to completely destroy the composure of his co-stars…
In these dark days, with the writer’s strike continuing along unabated, new episodes of scripted television are getting harder and harder to come by. For the most part, our favorite series have either run all of the episodes that were finished before the strike or, if their respective networks are really stingy, they’re still holding on to one or two episodes, to dole out as the need arises. There are, however, a few exceptions to that rule, and we’re here to spotlight those series that still have at least half a dozen new episodes on deck.
We’re not going to pretend that we here at Bullz-Eye are actually fans of every single one of these shows, but we are fans of scripted comedy and drama, and as steadfast supporters of the writers in this strike, we’d like to think that watching even the worst of these shows is still better than having reality series like “America’s Top Dog” or “Farmer Takes a Wife” shoved down our throats.
…sitting around, killing time ’til you can do an interview with former Harlem Globetrotter Curly Neal?
Sure, we all have!
But if you’re like me, and you find yourself still waiting for Neal to call you over 30 minutes after the scheduled interview time because he’s running a little behind schedule (probably because he’s such a nice guy that he can’t bring himself to cut off any of the journalists who want to talk to him), you’ll eventually turn to YouTube to keep yourself occupied…and if you do end up doing that, may I recommend this clip from the 1974 Saturday morning variety show, “The Harlem Globetrotters Popcorn Machine”?
Yes, I know: Rodney Allen Rippy and Avery Schrieber? For those of us who are fans of both Jack in the Box spokesmen and “My Mother The Car,” it truly is a dream come true.
Whether I liked the pilot or not, the show was chosen by the people as this year’s “Favorite New TV Drama” on last night’s telecast of The 34th Annual People’s Choice Awards on CBS. I’m shocked, obviously, as I believed America lived and died by my opinions, but there you go: the people have spoken.
Alex O’Loughlin, who plays Mick St. John, the immortal and decidedly vampiric private investigator from Los Angeles, accepted the award on behalf of the cast via video from Australia; Nielsen doesn’t actually calculate how many swoons a particular person inspires, but based on the legion of comments about the series that’ve popped up on this site, we have to figure it must’ve been in the millions.
So it’s official. I’ve got it. The show’s apparently more than just an “Angel” wannabe, it’s clearly got a fanbase who loves it, and with one hand in the air and the other hand on the keyboard, I hereby swear that I’ll watch it when it comes out of DVD. Now, will you people stop yelling at me…?!? I’m very sensitive, and you’re hurting my feelings.
So The CW provided critics with the first part of the 2-hour 5th season premiere of “One Tree Hill,” which picks up four years, six months, and two days after the 4th season finale…and although I have never before seen an episode of the show, I know this to be true because, well, the episode is entitled “4 Years, 6 Months, 2 Days.”
It’s a leap of faith I’m taking, I realize, but, dammit, I’m confident that I’m right about this.
In addition to the screener of the episode, however, critics were also given a pleasantly threatening note, which begins with the line, “Please Do Not Reveal the following information in your reviews, features, etc,” then goes on to offer up five bullet points that, obviously, I won’t be offering up for your reading enjoyment.
Well, okay, I will list them…but so as not to upset anyone at The CW, I’ll have to put in blanks where the crucial information is. If you’re a real fan of the show, though, I’m sure you’ll be able to solve the mysteries.
* Do not reveal (PERSON) is in a (THING). * Do not reveal (PERSON) as (PERSON)’s (GENDER)friend. * Do not reveal (PERSON) is in (PLACE). * Do not reveal (PERSON)’s and (PERSON)’s reunion. * Do not reveal (PERSON)’s (EVENT).
See what I mean? Easy peasy.
The truth of the matter, however, is that my never having seen a single episode of “One Tree Hill” in no way affects my ability to offer this heartfelt opinion of the proceedings: if you’d told me that the script had been written by Chester Cheetah, I would’ve said, “Wow, that sure is eerily appropriate, as I was just thinking how that’s the only possible excuse I would’ve accepted for why it’s so cheesy.”
Yeah, yeah, that’s right, the guy who doesn’t know anything about the show takes a cheap shot, thereby proving that he’s a complete asshole, which is what you already suspected, anyway. Look, I absolutely applaud a show for taking a risk in an attempt to shake up the status quo (as I just did that yesterday with”Medium,” in fact), but this thing plays less like a new season of a show than one of those TV reunion movies, like “An Eight Is Enough Wedding,” or even worse, like that updated hour-long version of “The Brady Bunch” that ran in the ’80s: “The Bradys.”
In fact, can I get a clip for that, please, just to refresh your memories…?
Awesome, thanks.
Man, that sure was awful, wasn’t it, folks? And, sadly, that’s how this new season of “One Tree Hill” is looking. It’s, like, “Hey, look, the kids are all grown up and living awesome new adult lives!”
So what can I tell you that hasn’t been put on the do-not-reveal-under-penalty-of-getting-your-ass-kicked list?
* Brooke (Sophia Bush) is a veritable fashion mogul, now that her design company – Clothes Over Bro’s – has skyrocketed her to fame and fortune. * The music-loving Peyton (Hilarie Burton) is working at a record label. * Lucas (Chad Michael Murray) has published his first novel and is scoring critical acclaim. * Marvin the Mouth (Lee Norris) is looking for the elusive job as a sportscaster. * Haley (Bethany Joy Galeotti) is just finishing her student teaching. * And Nathan (James Lafferty) is…well, Nathan’s fate no doubt has the producers rubbing their hands together in glee at the thought of what kind of reactions they’re going to get from the fans, which is why I can’t reveal it to you. I’m guessing, though, that the writers came up with it by asking, “Short of death, what’s the most unfortunate fate that could befall the show’s resident basketball star?”
The only real good news is that Daphne Zuniga, late of “Melrose Place,” has been added to the cast as a hard-ass businesswoman who works for Clothes Over Bro’s, providing a reminder of how much fun melodrama can be when the right person is reading the lines. There are also a few entertaining sequences with the less grown-up members of the ensemble as they play basketball, video games, and basically act like real people in their early 20s. Otherwise, we’re given a non-stop run of plot threads and cliches that feel rehashed from Lifetime movies or ABC Family Channel flicks. In particular, the sequences with Peyton at the record label would be hard-pressed to play more unrealistically.
Boss: How long have you been in Los Angeles, Peyton, from… Peyton: …from Tree Hill, North Carolina. Four years. Boss: Four years. Why’d you come? Peyton: I wanted to discover and sign bands that could change someone’s life, like the band’s that changed mine. Boss: I figured you were one of them. I used to be, too. Then I figured it out: it’s called show business for a reason. We’re here to make money. Peyton: Even if the product sucks. Boss: Especially if the product sucks. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but rock and roll can’t actually save the world. Peyton: See, i disagree. Walk into any club on the strip tonight and just look at the kids. Look into their eyes. I mean, they’re all looking for something to believe in, and I think that music can be the thing that changes their world.
Aaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh…
Okay, fair enough, I’m not a fan of the show, so you can discount my opinion completely. But I’ll close with this: my wife was a huge “Dawson’s Creek” fan, and she still watches the reruns on occasion, but she watched “One Tree Hill” with me last night, and not only did she declare it awful, but she also actually regretted that she’d never get back those 42 minutes of her life.
