A recent issue of Time magazine has the phrase “The Decade from Hell� emblazoned across its front cover. It’s referring to everything America has gone through in the past ten years, and it’s difficult to argue such an assertion: it’s been a shitty decade on a national level. During such times of stress, people inevitably turn to entertainment as a form of release, and although the methods in which we’ve distracted ourselves over the last ten years have unquestionably diversified, television remains the most easily accessible outlet for most Americans.

Within the format itself, the whole concept of reality TV must surely have been the biggest revolution of the decade. It’s really easy to bag on reality TV – mostly because the bulk of it is so damned unreal – but anybody who spends any time in front of the tube has surely had at least a couple of reality series they consider appointment TV. The two concepts that paved the way for everything else are undoubtedly “Survivorâ€� and “American Idol.â€� The former, of course, opened the floodgates for the genre, and while it’s seen a considerable dip in the ratings department over the years, 12 million viewers isn’t a viewing figure to sneeze at. The latter, despite all the bitching and moaning and cries of “it’s not as good as it used to beâ€� that accompany each new season, remains one of the most watched shows on the tube, likely due to the fact that it’s strictly a talent competition.

On “American Idol,� the only backstabbers are the judges, and since they aren’t part of the competition, their amusing duplicity is championed. The contestants, on the other hand, are innocents, and once the competition is underway, we’re given no peek into any possible backstage drama, which is a good thing, because by the time the audition rounds are over, we’ve had enough drama to last the whole season. Everything that comes after is all about who can best transfix us for three minutes a week via one pop ditty. It actually says something positive about the U.S. that “American Idol� remains our #1 form of reality entertainment, even if the actual reality is that the vast majority of Americans couldn’t care less about buying the winner’s album six months after they’re crowned.

You might think reality TV is a bunch of crap, and in most cases you’d be right, but the whole idea of it, to my mind, led to an important revolution, and that is serialized nighttime television (the classic “soap� formula notwithstanding). Reality shows taught viewers how to become invested in characters, how to be concerned for their eventual fate, and, most importantly, how to pay attention to an ongoing storyline, and the need to tune in every week. It didn’t take long for the networks to figure out that there was an audience for shows that didn’t continually hit the reset button. “24� must have been the first successful show of the decade to embrace the serial formula, and it embraced it whole hog. It required you to tune in for every episode, because each installment was another hour of a single day in the life of Kiefer Sutherland’s Jack Bauer. That “24� premiered less than two months after the terrorist attacks on 9/11 was pure happenstance. That it became enormously popular with viewers? Probably not so much. America needed some fictitious reassurance that there were folks on the job who could get shit done, and “24� filled the prescription.

Strangely, “24� didn’t open the network floodgates for more such programming right away. It took a few years, and then “Lost� made its mark. The number of “Lost� episodes I’ve seen could be counted on two hands, but that’s not because I didn’t like it, but because real life got in the way of it being appointment TV. Yet I viewed the pilot for “Lost� several months before its 2004 premiere, and when it ended I was convinced that I’d seen the second best TV pilot ever made. (“Twin Peaks� stills sits at #1.) The fact that a show as intricate as “Lost� still has a hardcore, central audience is perhaps a testament to that pilot. “24� started a new story with each new season; “Lost� required that you tune in for every episode of every season.

Another sci-fi series that did just that was “Battlestar Galactica,â€� a show that, due it being on a niche network (Syfy), never amassed a huge audience yet snagged boatloads of publicity and awareness nonetheless. It was no small feat to take an utterly laughable short-lived series from the late ‘70s and re-envision it for modern audiences, but Ron Moore and company did just that…and they did it far more successfully that anyone ever guessed possible. Most amazingly, the show taught us a lot about ourselves, by thoroughly defining what it means to be human, and as the damaged ‘00s dragged on, there may not have been a more important lesson to be learned.

On the same day I saw the “Lost� pilot, I saw another pilot for a completely different kind of series. While I didn’t rank it as one of the greats, there was one thing I was sure of: it would be a massive hit…and it was. “Desperate Housewives� was precisely the sort of vapid, soapy fare that had been absent for far too long on American TV. It clued into the seemingly bland suburban construct which surrounds so many Americans, via the Lynchian notion that “all is not what it seems.� Most anyone who lives a suburban life can no doubt relate to that idea, because wherever there are groups of people, there are bound to be some of them that are fucked up. “Housewives� is littered with fucked up suburbanites of all shapes, sizes and types, but they’re kooky and funny and there’s always some twinkly music playing in the background that in the end makes everything OK. It is not great television, but over the years it has, for the most part, been immensely watchable in the most disposable sort of way.

Around the same time period as “Housewives,� “Grey’s Anatomy,� made some major waves. It’s a series I have never watched and never plan to, but I’d be foolish to omit it from discussion since it brought two annoyingly obnoxious terms to the TV table: McDreamy and McSteamy. I haven’t heard either in a few years, but there was a time when they seemed to define everything that was wrong with television. I assume “Grey’s� fans have grown out of it…or maybe the show killed one of those guys off? I’ve no idea and can’t be motivated to investigate. Presently, there’s a brand new version of it going around, through cinema, via Camp Edward and Camp Nimrod. People can be so easily distracted it makes you wonder why some shows actually try harder.

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After the events of last week’s episode, it didn’t seem like Kurt Sutter was going to waste any time in getting to the showdown between the Sons of Anarchy and the Neo-Nazis, but when I actually had the time to sit down and think about it, I wondered if Gemma would actually tell Clay about what happened to her. Fast-forward a couple of days to tonight’s episode, and sure enough, Gemma is keeping mum on the subject. For the time being, the only people that know about Gemma’s attack are Wayne and Tara, and even they don’t know who was responsible. She’s made them swear not to tell anyone else, either, and in order to cover it up, Wayne wrecks Gemma’s car to make it look like she was in a crash. It’s only a matter of time before Clay finds out, however, because she’s acting really vulnerable around him, and he’s gotta know that someone as headstrong as Gemma wouldn’t be that shaken up over something like a car crash.

If nothing else, Gemma has certainly succeeded in pissing off Charming’s newest residents – namely AJ, who can’t believe that Gemma hasn’t told Clay the truth. When he runs back to tell Ethan (henceforth known as Mr. White) the bad news, Mr. White suggests they might have underestimated Gemma. Whether that means they’re going to attack her again remains unseen, but they’re definitely not about to give up after one failed attempt. In fact, Mr. White already has another plan in play (providing intel to the Mayans about a gun deal going down between the Sons and the One-Niners), though I have to think that goes against everything he believes in. After all, he didn’t tell AJ that he was working with them, and we already know his feelings on that subject matter.

The shootout at the aforementioned gun deal happened as a result of Jax’s decision to pin the Mayan murder on the One-Niners, and though Clay wasn’t happy about it to begin with, he was doubly pissed when it resulted in Bobby taking a bullet to the shoulder. Jax’s reasoning for the frame-up was great (“Spur of the moment, seemed like the right thing. Sure you can understand.�), but I can’t help but feel like Clay still came out on top when it was all over. He really does seem to know what he’s doing when it comes to running the club, and though Jax is going to continue to crucify him for Donna’s death, he still needs to learn a few things before he takes over. Then again, it was going to end up badly for the Sons no matter what Jax did with the body, so he really had no choice.

Plus, he quickly redeemed himself by coming up with a new way for the club to make some extra cash. When Otto’s wife, Luanne, has to shut down her porn studio due to an investigation by ATF (no doubt ordered by Agent Stahl out of spite), a rival producer known for the sleazy treatment of his female stars (Tom Arnold) tries to steal Luanne’s girls. Jax and Co. effectively persuade him to back off with the help of some baseball bats, and in return, the Sons get a 50% stake in everything Luanne earns. It’s kind of a shit deal for her, but it’s better than what she was expecting when she agreed to meet Jax at the abandoned warehouse, to which he replied, “You think I brought you here to Adrianna you?�

Comparisons to “The Sopranosâ€� be damned, it’s nice to see the writers have finally begun to embrace the similarities between their show and the former HBO hit. Casting Drea de Matteo was certainly a coup from the start, but this easily trumps her guest appearance any day of the week.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have the time to put together a list of my favorite television moments before the end of 2008, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t spend an inordinate amount of time in front of the tube. (Come to think of it, maybe my television addiction was the reason I didn’t have the free time to write about the best of 2008. Hmm.)

Anyway, here is a list of seven terrific shows that seem to be flying under the proverbial radar.

1. “True Blood” (HBO)
Alan Ball, the writer of “American Beauty” and the creator of “Six Feet Under,” brings us a series based on vampires in the Deep South. The series is based on Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse series of books and stars Anna Paquin — whom I argued, under the moniker of Eli Cash a few years back, would have made a better Penny Lane than Kate Hudson — as a mind-reading waitress in a small town in Louisiana. The first season was excellent, though it got off to a bit of a slow start. Paquin is the key, but her best friend Tara (played by Rutina Wesley) often steals the show.

In nature, the weaker members of a species are often ostracized so they cannot reproduce and dilute the gene pool. Lions, for example, do not keep an omega male around to be the butt of the joke for the rest of the pride, like we humans tend to do. And while that makes sense in a Darwinian way, our way is a lot more fun. It may be cruel, but imagine how boring life would be if we lived in a world without the human equivalent of a punching bag. Admit it: you all know someone who fills this role in your life, and you relish it. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t.

The world of television has a near-inverse proportion of punching bags as there are in nature, and this makes sense; it is much easier – and fun – for the writing staff to designate one character as the target for random acts of misfortune and malice, though not necessarily in that order. If you ever wondered why every show features at least one character that the other characters would likely never associate with in real life, now you know.

So bring us your sad, your weak, your insecure; your clueless, your obnoxious, your desperate, your slow-witted, and we will celebrate them for their inherent loserness. Get your boxing gloves on as we present to you Bullz-Eye’s all time favorite TV punching bags.

NBC may not be King of the Nielsen Ratings just yet, but we know good television when we see it, and the Peacock has returned in full force with a dominating presence that includes the top three shows and five of the top six. HBO, on the other hand, is experiencing the opposite, with the departure of “The Sopranos,â€� “Deadwoodâ€� and “Rome.â€� Add to that the fact that our list features a whopping 10 new entries — five of which are freshmen — and you’ve got one heck of a Power Rankings shakeup. Much of this has to do with so many shows being on hiatus until next year, but whatever the cause, it’s nice to see some much-needed change to a usually familiar lineup. And, hey, don’t miss the list of our favorite shows which are currently on hiatus (and are therefore ineligible for the Top-20), our farewell to “The Sopranos,” and our stable of Honorable Mentions.

Check out the list here, then come back and let us know how we did…or if we missed any of your favorites!

When David Chase took the stage to accept the Television Critics’ Association Heritage Award for the cumulative run of “The Sopranos,” he said that he’d considered making a comment about the meaning of the finale of the series, then decided against it, but he did offer a very telling anecdote about the first time he ever saw “Planet of the Apes.”

“When the movie was over, I said to my wife, ‘Wow, so they had a Statue of Liberty, too!’ So, uh, that’s what you’re up against.â€�

Other Chase one-liners from the evening:

* “Here’s another clue for you all: the walrus was Paulie.”
* To critic Alan Sepinall, from The Star-Ledger, in Newark: “Would you explain to these people that it’s very possible to be sitting in a restaurant in New Jersey and everything just stops?”

Chase, by the way, wasn’t the only winner tonight:

Individual Achievement in Drama: Michael C. Hall (”Dexter”)
Individual Achievement in Comedy: Alec Baldwin (”30 Rock”)
Outstanding Achievement in News and Information: “Planet Earth” (Discovery Channel)
Outstanding Achievement in Children’s Programming: “Kyle XY” (ABC Family)
Outstanding New Program: “Friday Night Lights” (NBC)
Outstanding Achievement in Movies, Miniseries and Specials: “Plant Earth” (Discovery Channel)
Outstanding Achievement in Drama: “The Sopranos” (HBO)
Outstanding Achievement in Comedy: “The Office” (NBC)
Career Achievement Award: Mary Tyler Moore
Program of the Year: “Heroes” (NBC)

To bookend this posting with “Sopranos”-related anecdotes, Alec Baldwin accepted his award for his performance on “30 Rock” by telling a story about how he actually changed management because his new managers told him that they could get him on “The Sopranos.” A year later, there’d still been no meeting with David Chase…but an encounter finally came about rather accidentally. Baldwin was in NYC, on his way to a meeting about some charity work he was going to do, and due to an error, he ended up at the Four Seasons Hotel rather than the Four Seasons Restaurant. He made a mad run from one place to the other, ending up at the restaurant drenched in sweat. Upon meeting his party, he apologized and made a dash to the men’s room, where he promptly removed his shirt and stood topless as he held the shirt in front of the hot-air dryer…and who should walk in?

Suffice it to say that Baldwin never made it onto “The Sopranos.”

(Chase’s version of the story: “All I thought was, ‘Omigod, that’s Alec Baldwin, the famous actor!’ I didn’t even notice he wasn’t wearing a shirt!”)

James Gandolfini seemed like a nice enough guy, but after several seasons of “The Sopranos,” you can’t help but feel like he might slug you if you ask him the wrong question.

Larry David was extremely approachable…so approachable, in fact, that he was constantly surrounded by reporters with tape recorders, trying to get a good sound bite out of him.

For the boys back home: I had a nice “Entourage” moment with Kevin Dillon, who was a very cool guy, but, sorry, I had to yank the pic because I didn’t realize it’s frowned upon for TCA members to take shots with the celebs. It’s probably something to do with maintaining distance between professional writer and professional fanboy, and I get that. But, anyway, a shout-out to my new friend, Steven Chupnick, managing editor of JewReview.net; he and I stood around and talked w/ Kevin about the show, how it’s progressed, and what it’s like with Matt Dillon as your brother. (No way I’m transcribing that now. You’ll have to wait ’til I’m back and can get more caught up!)

Okay, it’s still 6:54 AM here, but, damn, I feel a hell of a lot better after just a few hours sleep. As such, let’s go ahead and take a look at those HBO panels from yesterday:

As You Like It, Kenneth Branaugh’s latest Shakespearean adaptation:

Branaugh found it very easy to cast Kevin Kline in the role of Jacques, it seems. “(He has) vast Shakespearean experience, as you know, a brilliant dramatic actor, a very, very funny man, and is, in life, intellectually curious. And as with all funny men, I would say – without trying to tell my friend who he is – a kind of disposition to a certain kind of melancholy and philosophical introspection. But I just thought he was a great actor.”

Kline’s response? “I disagree.”

Kline isn’t the only American in the production; he shares that honor with Bryce Dallas Howard…even if she doesn’t see it that way. “I would have to say that Kevin Kline is almost like an honorary Brit when it comes to Shakespeare, (whereas) I felt like a little bit of a cowboy,” said Howard. “Like, it’s, you know, a little rough with the language, and I didn’t really have a lot of confidence with it, initially. But under the guidance of Ken, and everyone else that was involved, I allowed myself to just enjoy the experience and do my best. But it was definitely initially intimidating, perhaps being an American, but even more than that, just being someone who is literally at the start of my career. I haven’t had as much experience as I would like to.”

The role of Orlando is taken by relative newcomer David Oyelowo, who had a serious attack of nerves when he discovered that A) he had to go to Branaugh’s house to audition, and B) he had to audition with Branaugh. “You were reading the other lines,” he said, turning to Branaugh, “and my saliva just turned to sand. I mean, there I was, auditioning with Henry V, Iago, Benedict, Coriolanus…and it just…I mean, you probably won’t remember this, but the lines…they just completely went out of my head. You were so gracious; you just went, ‘Okay, let’s do that again…’”

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…just imagine how bad it could’ve been if it were on a major network.

Can anyone think of anything else that would’ve been different…?

I don’t even know what to fucking say right now. I really don’t. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I just didn’t appreciate what David Chase was trying to accomplish. Or maybe my expectations were simply too high. I don’t know.

People have been saying for years that “The Sopranos� peaked too early. I’m not sure if I agree with that or not, but I will say that this final season peaked too early. Last week’s episode was brilliant, maybe one of the finest hours of television you’ll ever see. Seemed the stage was set for a fantastic finale for a series so many of us have been following for so many years.

Instead, we got this. Look, I wasn’t expecting a 65-minute bloodbath tonight. That’s not even what I was hoping for. But I sure as shit wanted some resolution, and I wanted some conflict. Instead, we get AJ telling his parents he wants to go into the Army so he can fulfill his dream of being a private helicopter pilot for Donald Trump, Meadow trying to parallel park her car for 20 freaking minutes, Carm starting the plans for her next spec house, Janice trying to swindle Junior by telling him he was her daughter, Paulie bitching about a stray cat, and Tony shuffling through a tabletop jukebox.

What, the, fuck?

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