 Michael Franti once described television as “the drug of the nation, breeding ignorance and feeding radiation.” As such, we’re guessing he isn’t nearly as excited as we are that we’re finally beginning to see the fruits of Hollywood’s writers at last being able to put pen back to paper. CBS clearly got the jump on everyone else with the premiere of their new episodes, but as you can see, the other networks will soon be joining in the fun as well, offering up all the fresh new comedy and drama we’ve been craving for so very long. Okay, maybe it hasn’t been that long – as soon as the strike wrapped up, you probably noticed how some series magically “found” a few episodes they’d unabashedly been sitting on – but it’s damned sure been long enough. Check out our coverage here, then head back over to tell us what shows you’re most psyched to see return!
Filed under: TV and Actors and Actresses and News and TV Comedies and TV Dramas and TV Action and Desperate Housewives and Lost and The Office and My Name Is Earl and External Entertainment and External TV and Heroes and TV Sci-Fi and Reaper Comments: None Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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* Your obligatory non-answer about “Lost”: “(The creators) would need to address where the show will head,” said ABC President Stephen McPherson. “They have not released whether it will take place with flash-forwards or flashbacks. They pitched where they’re going this year and where the next two years will take us, and I honestly think that, now that we have this specific end date, it allows them to craft that story in the next 48 episodes they want they want, and I think that running the episodes straight through will be best way to (display) that.” * “Dance Acts” is a spin-off in the works from “Dancing with the Stars,” based on a similar spin-off in the UK. The judges have teams of dancers, competing against each other. * Dana Delaney is joining the cast of “Desperate Housewives,” along with the already-announced Nathan Fillion. * Harold Perrineau will be returning to “Lost” as Michael…and, on that note, let me tell you about a moment during this panel which really, really grated on my nerves: When McPherson acknowledged that the creators of “Lost” would be making an announcement tomorrow at Comic-Con, in San Diego, several writers just went apeshit about the utter ridiculousness that they would dare to bypass the Television Critics Association gathering in favor of a “fan convention.” Um…how about the fact that the shows are about their fans and not their critics? I mean, I didn’t even blink when they said that was going to be the case. Of course the fans should hear the info first, if it’s do-able…and if that’s what the creators want to do, then what’s the big honking deal? But, no, people kept pressing and pressing, throwing out statements about the state of the newspaper industry and how their editors would be upset if they found out that breaking news was available but wasn’t going to be given to them, and so on. Finally, it reached the point where someone actually called Damon Lindelof to get his permission for McPherson to give us the news, which was that nugget about Michael coming back.
As God as my witness, I hope Lindelof has more super secret info up his sleeve for the fans. If I was a fan, and it’d been built up to me that I was going to get exclusive info when I showed up for that panel, I would be pissed if I found out that, oh, sorry, the critics strong-armed us and made us give it to them first. I’m just sayin’, is all. UPDATE, 12:03 PM: I spoke to McPherson in the lobby a few minutes ago, revealed myself to be as much of a fanboy as a critic, and asked if indeed Lindelof had saved some exclusive information for the Comic-Con panel. He didn’t really confirm or deny - which I’d kind of expected, since he knows full well that my peers would probably pummel him if he they read such a thing - but he did acknowledge that the Comic-Con crowd would be getting far more access to Lindelof than the TCA is, since there’s no “Lost” panel at our press tour. Therefore, I think it’s reasonable to infer - if not an ironclad guarantee by any means - that, logically, the chances of the fans getting more information than the critics are pretty good. Which makes me happy. Filed under: TV and Actors and Actresses and News and Interviews and TV Dramas and Desperate Housewives and Lost and External Entertainment and External TV and TCA Press Tour and Fall TV Preview Comments: 1 Comment Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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Yep, ABC’s released their 2007 - 2008 schedule, and, as you probably guessed from the title of this posting, the biggest focus isn’t on how good or bad the new shows look but, rather, how lazy it looks for the network to have picked up a series that’s inspired by a series of commercials. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely laugh every time one of those commercials is on, but that doesn’t mean I want a half-hour series based on them…especially not when it means that “The Knights of Prosperity” gets cancelled and “The Thick of It” - starring Michael McKean, Oliver Platt, John Michael Higgins, and Alex Borstein - is passed over for pick-up. (How does that happen, anyway? The pilot was directed by Christopher Guest, fer crissakes!) But that’s enough complaining for the moment. This is intended as an educational post, not a bitter diatribe. (Besides, there’ll be plenty of time for that sort of material in our Fall TV Preview!) So let’s take a look at how the fall schedule will look…and, uh, let’s also clarify that we’ll probably still end up getting snarky along the way. MONDAY We begin with more of that star-dancing crap at 8:00 PM…an hour and a half of it, apparently, since it isn’t until 9:30 that we’re scheduled to see the new Christina Applegate sitcom “SAM I AM.” “Sam I Am” - When a terrible accident leaves Samantha “Sam” Newly in a coma for eight days, she wakes up with no recollection of any past experiences, memories or events. Faced with amnesia, Sam must start over. To her dismay she discovers that she wasn’t a particularly honest, good-hearted or loving person. In fact she was self-involved, narcissistic and devoid of real relationships - essentially a bitch. Sam must now struggle with her desire to be good and her temptation to be…not so good. Finding the line between good and evil is never easy. Um…that’s a comedy? Well, anyway, after that, 10 PM finds another season of “The Bachelor,” which means we can’t get to Tuesday night soon enough. Filed under: TV and Actors and Actresses and News and TV Comedies and TV Dramas and TV Action and Desperate Housewives and Lost and External Entertainment and External TV Comments: None Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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Two months prior to the announcement of its official fall lineup, ABC has announced the renewal of ten primetime series — most of them thriving veterans such as “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Lost,” and “Desperate Housewives.” Also making the cut were freshman hit “Ugly Betty” and the late-blooming “Brothers and Sisters,” as well as the Anne Heche dramedy “Men in Trees.” Reality programs back for another year include “Dancing with the Stars,” “The Bachelor,” and “Extreme Home Makeover.” Late-night talker “Jimmy Kimmel Live” will return as well. And, in a pleasant surprise given the show’s relative lack of momentum to date, “Boston Legal” will return next season as well. To which we say: Denny Crane! Filed under: TV and TV Dramas and Desperate Housewives and Lost and External TV Comments: 1 Comment Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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In recognition for one of its tightest seasons yet, Fox drama “24” was honored with 12 Emmy nominations today — the most for any broadcast network series. In addition to the obligatory noms for best drama and best actor, the show recognized strong supporting performances from Gregory Itzin as President Buck Buck Brawwk and Jean Smart as the mildly unstable First Lady. Other nomination highlights: - In contrast to last year’s near-sweep of the Best Actress in a Comedy category, the “Desperate Housewives” gang was nearly shut out, with only token African-American resident Alfre Woodard picking up a nod for her supporting role as Betty Applewhite. - Despite winning Best Drama last year, “Lost” was not even nominated in the category this go-round…and neither were any of its regular cast members. Only guest actor Henry Ian Cusick was nominated, for his work as redemption-seeking, six-degrees-of-separation hatch-minder Desmond. - “House” is one of the five best dramas on television…but that apparently has nothing to do with its Golden Globe winning star Hugh Laurie, who was overlooked in the Emmy nods. - Cancelled shows are all the rage this year. Nominated shows that are no longer in production include “Arrested Development,” “Huff,” “The West Wing,” “The Comeback,” ” Will & Grace,” and “Six Feet Under.” - Denis Leary earned a nod for his work in “Rescue Me,” presumably as a result of new nomination rules intended to broaden the field. Leary will likely be whacked by snubbed actor James Gandolfini from “The Sopranos.” - “Grey’s Anatomy” also received an encouraging number of nods this year, with 11, including Best Drama. Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson will battle it out within the Supporting Actress category for their roles as intern Cristina Yang and resident Miranda Bailey; my money’s on the feisty Bailey for that one. The awards ceremony will air on NBC the evening of August 27, with Conan O’Brien to host. Click here for access to a complete list of nominees. Filed under: TV and Actors and Actresses and News and Desperate Housewives and Lost and 24 and The Sopranos and Rescue Me and External TV Comments: None Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
Eva Longoria plans to write an erotic novel, according to reports quoted in The Book Standard:
Far be it from us to question the erotic power of Ms. Longoria’s “wild” imagination — or the marketability of the end product, for that matter — but we still can’t help wondering whether this latest addition to our nation’s proud literary heritage will include not only a shirtless lawn boy half the heroine’s age, but ALSO a beguilingly feisty parking lot attendant. Only time will tell. Filed under: Actresses and News and Desperate Housewives Comments: 1 Comment Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
 You knew it was bound to happen. Even when ABC ran the episode that introduced Gabrielle’s mother, wasn’t there a teeny, tiny voice at the back of your mind that kept on asking, “Hey, wait a minute: Shouldn’t Eva Longoria’s mother be played by Charo?” Well, that particular ship has sailed, a missed opportunity. But that’s just fine…because this parody of the original “Desperate Housewives” pilot episode sees your Charo, raises you a Jerry Mathers, and throws in a brief appearance by the late Don Knotts as well. If the actual series episodes were this much fun, maybe the show’s ratings wouldn’t have declined quite so much versus last year. |
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Poor Teri Hatcher. First Ryan Seacrest and now this. Hatcher suffered an eye injury when a light bulb exploded near it on the set of “Desperate Housewives.” “Glass lodged in my right eye and proceeded to scratch my cornea,” sez Teri. Yeah. Is it just me or is Hatcher just one of the luckiest actresses ever? Anyone who can survive “Lois & Clark” and those Radio Shack commercials has to have someone silently humping a horseshoe for her somewhere. Filed under: Actresses and News and Desperate Housewives Comments: 1 Comment Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
 …American Idol host Ryan Seacrest was recently spotted sucking face with Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher:
Could this be another “let’s put those gay rumors to rest once and for all” publicity stunt (Tom Cruise, we’re looking in your direction)…or is Ryan just a poor, misunderstood metrosexual with an unfortunate addiction to hair-care products? Only time will tell. Filed under: TV and Actresses and Gossip and Desperate Housewives and American Idol Comments: None Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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Veering dangerously close to a “Will & Grace”-style special guest star overdose, the creators of “Desperate Housewives” follow up their recent Carol Burnett announcement (not to mention recent appearances by Adrian Pasdar, Jane Lynch and Wallace Shawn) with news that former “My So-Called Life” teen heartthrob Jared Leto will appear in a four-episode arc as a sexy grocery-store worker who catches Gabrielle’s eye. Well, since Leto is pushing thirty-five these days, at least we can assume that Gabby’s days as a statutory rapist are behind her for good. And who knows? With his last decent movie role (in “Requiem for a Dream;” rent it on a night when you won’t mind suffering a little Post Traumatic Stress Disorder afterwards) six long years behind him, maybe Leto is testing the water for a return to series TV, if the right project comes along. After all, it’s a far cushier gig than playing bitch to both Colin Farrell and Oliver Stone in the same movie. Of course, Leto is already getting great press for the yet-to-be-released flick “Chapter 27,” in which he followed the George Clooney/Robert De Niro “Eating for Oscars” diet, so I wouldn’t hold my breath looking for Leto to turn up as Joey Tribbiani’s kooky new roommate. Plus, if that whole acting thing doesn’t work out, he’s always got his career as a so-called rock star, as founding member of 30 Seconds to Mars. Dammit, Jordan Catalano, why must you keep on breaking our hearts? |
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In what is certain to be delightful scenery-chewing fun, Carol Burnett has signed on to play the Evil Stepmother of America’s favorite high-strung alcoholic widow, Bree Van de Kamp. So poor Bree had Miss Hannigan for a stepmother growing up. No wonder she’s not right in the head. “You’ll stay up til this dump shiiiiiiiines…like the top of the Chrysler Building!” It’s a hard-knock life, indeed. No one cares for you a smidge, ’til you’ve spit-polished the fridge. Should be fun to watch, regardless of the show’s uneven tone this season. Filed under: TV and Actresses and Desperate Housewives Comments: 1 Comment Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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Perhaps brushing up his Ryan Seacrest credentials in case Wisteria Lane decides to off yet another of its residents just in time for spring sweeps, hunky faux plumber James Denton will be hosting the Miss America Pageant on CMT this weekend. Let’s see, Eva Longoria was recently hawking Chrysler’s new concept car at the North American International Auto Show, Denton is slumming on a cable-TV beauty contest, Nicolette Sheridan hooks up with an old flame to console herself over her many supposed award snubs…and meanwhile, Felicity Huffman just won a Golden Globe for Best Actress to place next to her Emmy on the mantle at home, and is practically guaranteed an Oscar nomination. Which of these things is not like the others? Filed under: Actors and Actresses and News and Desperate Housewives Comments: None Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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Could it be? After straying woefully from the path of righteousness, could the quality-impaired writers of “Desperate Housewives” actually be veering close to getting back on track? Maybe. Sunday’s episode suggests they may be on to something. Don’t hold your breath just yet…but there might actually be some life left in the old dames. Not that the episode was stellar; far from it, actually. A Jaded Cliffs Notes summary of the plot would read as follows: Gabrielle and Carlos storyline: Stupid and boring, as usual The last five minutes of the episode redeemed the earlier fifty-five, with the knockout one-two punch of Tom’s refusal to let Lynette literally emasculate him, and Bebe’s unexpected presence as the new nurse for dearly departed Deirdre’s ailing father, administering Lord knows what to the man indirectly responsible for the murder of her sister Martha. Tom’s unhappy in his marriage. He should be: Lynette’s behavior has been abominable all season. She’s been out dancing in bars while Tom’s home with the kids, and she even faked a kidnapping of her own children to point out Tom’s shortcomings as a caretaker. He’s had enough, and neither Tom nor Lynette knows what to do about it. At last, some real drama on Wisteria Lane, with not a contrivance in sight. Should be fun to watch. And that Bebe…you’ve just got to keep an eye on her. She won’t let you do anything else. Even if she did, I wouldn’t advise it. |
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It’s Gabrielle’s turn in the piss-me-off hotseat this week, with her raging insecurity over the at-best-average-looking blonde nun who helped Carlos get paroled early. Yes, Gabrielle, that’s right: Carlos, after longing to get out of jail so he could be with you, plans to leave you so that he can live out all of his sexual fantasies with…the devout Sister Mary Margaret. She is not a former model, like you are. She does not have your curves, your fashion sense, or your feisty Latina temper. She is, in fact, a walking Glamour Don’t. And surely that must make Carlos want her all the more…unless, of course, Gabrielle is simply demonstrating the emotional intelligence of a fourteen-year-old. In other news, Lynette gets promoted after Nina is fired for inexplicably getting it on with the receptionist who looks like Jim Carrey’s mildly effeminate little brother; George may or may not be dead; and loyal viewers begin to realize that if they keep watching the show, the producers won’t have any incentive to make it stop sucking. |
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Well, it’s a day that ends in ‘y’, and that means it’s time for another woman named Mayer to abandon any semblance of rational behavior. This week, for once, it’s not Susan who’s embroiled in an embarrassing and public divorce from her sanity…it’s Susan’s mother. Filed under: TV and Gossip and Desperate Housewives Comments: 1 Comment Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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Exhibit #37 in the case of People vs. Drooling Inbred Halfwits Writing for “Desperate Housewives”: Bree’s acceptance of George’s marriage proposal. Sure, he sprang it on her rather suddenly. And yes, his creepy mother and her friend were peering anxiously around a corner as George waited for Bree’s response. But based on this, we’re supposed to believe that Bree agreed to marry someone JUST TO BE POLITE? Come on, now: This is Bree we’re talking about. Yes, she’s obsessed with etiquette – but only to the degree that it serves her own interests. Remember the pilot, in which Bree thoughtfully delivered two lovely baskets of toasty homemade delights to Paul Young at his late wife’s wake — and then demanded that he return the baskets as soon as possible? Remember the episode in which Bree spanked Lynette’s misbehaving son – a definite breach of etiquette, if ever there was one? And THIS is the same woman we’re supposed to believe would agree to marry a man she doesn’t love, before the first frost has even hit her dead husband’s body, just to keep George from being embarrassed in front of his mother? Have these writers even WATCHED their own show? Or have they been too busy digging into the contents of George’s pharmacy? |
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It’s a damn shame that Rex is dead, because this show desperately needs medical attention. The backlash that started building with that Vanity Fair article earlier this year has escalated, and Marc Cherry and his writers are only adding fuel to the fire with episodes like this one. |
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The casting coups continue, with Wallace Shawn (best known for playing the diminutive Vizzini in “The Princess Bride”) turning up in the role of Susan’s agent, Lonnie. How Susan warrants an agent when she never seems to spend a single moment of her day actually writing or illustrating the children’s books by which she earns a living is not explained…but that’s beside the point. It’s great to see Shawn working, and even better to watch him reach for the stars: short, squat, balding Lonnie makes a pass at leggy, lean, gorgeous Susan – right after telling her that he inappropriately “borrowed” some of her royalties. Needless to say, the underdog gets neutered this time. Tune in next week to see clumsy Susan accidentally poison both her and Vizzini’s wine glasses at their reconciliation dinner: “CLEARLY, I cannot choose the wine in front of ME…” And speaking of wine, alcohol appears to be the solution to all of Lynette’s problems when she uses it to get her uptight boss Nina first drunk and then – in a stellar bit of wingmanship – laid (presumably for the first time in ages). Sadly, alcohol then becomes the cause of her problems: Nina, that crazy sex kitten, wants to get laid AGAIN. Once, apparently, is not enough for this voracious creature. She wants to go out every night, and she threatens to stall Lynette’s career if Lynette won’t play along. No one else can be Nina’s wingman; Nina’s too insecure to compete with other single women for her men. Lynette knuckles under for a while, until she herself is identified as a “regular” by some skeezy married guy at the bar – and then it’s time for action. A quick trip to the rest room, and out walks the Slutty-Sandy-at-the-End-of-“Grease” version of Lynette: no shirt beneath her vest, no more ponytail in her suddenly remarkably curly and bouncy hair, and no qualms about dancing on the bar, slapping herself in the ass. She garners a host of male admirers, and leaves Nina fuming on the sidelines. Think that one might get back to Tom? Perhaps. But at least Lynette won’t have to be Nina’s boy-fetching bitch any more. Elsewhere on the block, Bree finally learns that Rex died believing that she murdered him, and Carlos hires himself a lawyer who admits to wanting to sleep with Gabrielle. And, at last, we learn more about the man in Alfre Woodard’s basement. His name is Caleb, he’s “slow”, and he appears to be responsible for the death of a Chicago teen named Melanie Foster. Sounds like there’s some Steinbeck brewing on Wisteria Lane. Tell us about the rabbits again, George? |
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Who would have thought a simple black umbrella could make a grown woman cry? Adding to Lynette’s already crushing sense of guilt about returning to work full-time, Parker invents an imaginary friend: beloved British nanny Mrs. Mulberry, represented by the aforementioned umbrella. In the spirit of her forerunner, Disney creation Mary Poppins (not to mention Simpsons homage Sherry Bobbins), Mrs. Mulberry is fun-loving, strong-willed, and deeply reliable. Unlike her Disney inspiration, however, Mrs. Mulberry is also promptly run over by a garbage truck, in full view of her young charge. Years from now, Parker will undoubtedly relive that trauma many times, flat on his back on a therapist’s couch, tearfully describing irreparably-mangled umbrella spokes…and Lynette will gladly cover the cost of each session…since she was the one who threw nanny under the bus (so to speak). On the bright side, Mrs. Mulberry is now free to engage in a torrid romance with Drop Dead Fred. Elsewhere in Happy Town, Gabrielle ditches lawyer Michael “Best In Show” Hitchcock for Adrian “Profit” Pasdar, after inciting a disturbingly touching prison riot. Profit succeeds where Dog Boy failed, and gets Gabby the conjugal trailer tumble she demands…but we’re left wondering how long it will take for her to succumb to Pasdar’s rakish charms. Clearly overestimating viewers’ patience with Susan’s general incompetence as a human being, the writers choose to have her lie to Mike about having seen Zach, and then fund Zach’s escape to Utah. In other words, she will happily let her lover continue to worry about the welfare of his RUNAWAY TEENAGE SON, because that is more convenient for her than having Zach reunite with the man who gave him half his DNA. Susan is a dipshit. We’re done writing about her until Marc Cherry apologizes for treating his audience like a bunch of inbred baboons. Last but never least, Andrew and George circle one another like snarling tomcats, each protecting his own interests. Andrew baits George with a delightful imitation of Bree’s orgasm noises (uncannily similar to her dessert-enjoyment noises), but in the end it is George who wears the victor’s smirk. He taunts Andrew with a poolside kiss of Mommy Dearest, earning himself a bloody nose and–more importantly–a return trip to Correctional Camp for Andrew. The nerdy pharmacist wins this round…but never count out the aggressive, moody teenager: they don’t tend to take defeat very well. Filed under: TV and TV Dramas and Desperate Housewives Comments: 1 Comment Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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I’m not saying Joely Fisher’s character is likable, and I’m not saying I didn’t thoroughly enjoy Lynette’s multitasking, agency-future-strategizing, baby-diaper-changing Supermom scene a few weeks back. All I’m saying is, Bitter Single Gal’s got a point: Why should the childless people of the world have to shoulder extra workload to cover for those who choose to have kids? It’s patently unfair, yet it happens all the time–and people with children tend to take it for granted. Lynette’s boss is served up as a villain for pointing this out–and, granted, perhaps she could have peppered her delivery with a tad more tact–but she is absolutely justified in protecting her own “work-life balance.” So what if she doesn’t have kids? So what if her only plans for the evening are to see how many shots of tequila she can down before her vision starts to go fuzzy? It is her absolute right to do just that. Her down time is her own, to spend however she sees fit, and she shouldn’t be obligated to pick up anyone else’s slack unless she wants to–which, clearly, she doesn’t. It’s a shame they’ve made her character into a borderline Cruella DeVille caricature, because this issue is a hot button for twenty- and thirty-something adults all over the country (including, most likely, some of the writers on staff behind those cheery Wisteria Lane facades), and some real give-and-take debate on the topic would be relevant, timely, and fun to watch. Instead, we get Bitter Single Gal: selfish, intolerant, and pathetic: a missed opportunity. Elsewhere on the lane, Gabrielle’s ego takes a hit when she witnesses sweet, pure, loving statutory rape victim John having a go at another older woman’s…um…hedges. Worse yet, John tells Gabby he thinks he may be in love with his latest Mrs. Robinson. Chalk one up for Carlos, who called it from the get-go: Lawnmower Man ain’t as sweet as he looks (and he ain’t none too smart much, neither). Over in Susanville, where every day brings some new form of humiliation–the more public, the better–Susan butts in on Julie and Edie’s daughter/potential stepmother bonding, and this time Julie is the one to suffer. Yawn. Susan’s neighbor Alfre Woodard briefly has an enraged black man rampaging in her kitchen, but he is immediately subdued. Double yawn. And then, before the yawning gets too entrenched, Bree takes a lie detector test to prove her innocence…and it spikes when they ask whether she loves George. George, meanwhile, apparently puts his pharmaceutical knowledge to good use, and passes his own polygraph with flying colors. Will Bree question her true feelings for George? When will the police going to make the connection between George and Rex? What ever happened to Andrew’s plot to take revenge on Bree? And how many tequila shots does it take before Bitter Single Gal’s vision goes fuzzy? These questions and more will be answered…eventually. Maybe. We hope. Or we might start to yawn again. Filed under: TV and TV Dramas and Desperate Housewives Comments: 1 Comment Digg this! Add to Del.icio.us |
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