If you’re noticing that film bloggers and journos seem to grasping at news straws, blame the Passover/Easter spring break slow down. Anyhow, as folks work off all that schmaltz and matzoh at the gym, let’s nevertheless briefly consider a few items of some interest.
* For starters we have the kind of “breaking news” that isn’t really news at all. It’s looking like “The Hangover 2” is going to be a lot more expensive than the first because, you know, the cast would like to be paid a lot more this time and there was a lot of haggling. Can’t blame them . However, as much as I liked the first movie, it did not in any way cry out for a sequel. As the first commenter at Deadline|New York says, lightning doesn’t strike twice — except, of course, when it does. We’ll see.
* More sequel news — well, rumor reported as news — Will Smith is supposedly “locked in” for “Independence Day” sequels. (H/t Anne Thompson.) Momentum may be building here and the story could be true. Director Roland Emmerich dropped a hint or two about it in a recent interview with our own David Medsker recently. We’ll see.
* And, you know how I always make a big deal about not prejudging movies. The E*Trade talking baby movie is sorely tempting me to make an exception. No. We won’t see.
* Three brief items from THR. First, pretty Kaley Cuoco of “The Big Bang Theory” will be going cinematic in a partially animated flick comedy that involves Russell Brand voicing the Easter Bunny; it’s called “I Hop.” Also, LeBron James‘ next coach might be director Malcolm D. Lee. And, finally, two comedy writers who apparently enjoy bowling have been hired to work on the “Baywatch” movie, Brian Gatewood and Alessandro Tanaka. Tanaka has the kind of cross-ethnic name that, I think, could influence a guy to go into comedy, though I’m thinking “Kazuhiro Saperstein” would have been even better.
* I’m late to the viral video party, but the “Scarface school play” vid isn’t nearly as funny as it sounds. I guess thinking it was “real” could help, but how could anyone think it was real?
* The new film from master documentarian Errol Morris (“The Fog of War,” “Standard Operating Procedure“) sounds really interesting and potentially even more controversial than any film he’s made because it’s apparently lighthearted. Some might not agree that’s appropriate given the main character’s crime. Read the Playlist’s description and see if you agree.
Anne Thompson writes today of a new film based around Toho studios’ director Inoshiro Honda’s most famous creation, Godzilla. Though the series was rebooted very unsuccessfully back in 1998 by Roland Emmerich, Drew McWeeney reassured an understandably skeptical Ms. Thompson via Twitter that this is more of a passion product.
Now, there are those who hearken back to the serious — actually rather grim and laborious — tone of Honda’s first “Godzilla.” Personally, though, the nine year-old in me has never really stopped loving the more playful and genuinely silly later films as exemplified below.
Godzilla engages in a productive dialogue with a fellow monster.
And it’s official: this will be the last season of Premium Hollywood’s “24” blog.
Did you like how I made Fox’s decision to kill the show all about me?
Truth be told, I’m relieved. Ask anyone who blogs about a show and they will tell you that the single-best way to ruin a show for someone is to write about it. Even really good shows like “Lost” get exhausting after a while (biggest, mythology, ever), but “24,” frankly, has been spinning its wheels for years now, and I know that my frustration with the show reflected in my writing. I really did try to make this as entertaining as possible, but that can be difficult when all you want to do is say “Fuck this show,” and hit Publish.
Now that I know it’s over (ooh, another potential blog title), though, I plan to have as much fun watching this show as possible, even if Starbuck is the sorriest excuse for a mole in TV history. And fingers crossed that I get another interview with Annie “Crazy Jackie” Wersching before they call it a day.
Insert your own gun joke here.
I am always amused at how cavalier TV politicians are about committing high treason. (There’s a Karl Rove joke in there somewhere, but…nah.) We always knew Weiss was a weasel, but not even I thought that he would sell out Madame President like that, especially after that rousing speech she gave when the cabinet members actually entertained the idea of giving up Slumdog in order to stop the bomb. That was worthy of the piece on Presidential speeches that our own Will Harris assembled earlier this year. Say this for the lack of screen time Cherry Jones has suffered this year – when she is on screen, at least they give her good stuff…
…though in return for that good stuff, they have her assign the nation’s best field agent with the menial task of escorting Slumdog President and family out of the blast range. Of course, it turned out to be a very good thing that he was there, or they’d all be dead. Two firestorms in two weeks! Wheeeeee! Actually, I liked seeing Jack go all Call of Duty on General Brucker’s goons, picking them off in the smoke screen like fish in a barrel. (That general has a great agent though, as he has made memorable appearances in “Fringe” and “Damages” before appearing here.) I was sure that Jackie was going to get picked off though, but it’s too soon for a dramatic death scene like that. That one comes in Hour 23. Book it, Dan-O.
Now that we know that Starbuck is a terrorist, isn’t it curious how Samir is suddenly ringing her phone like it’s Booty Call Hour? Was she really not communicating with him up to this point? You have to think that he needed a thing or two from her before she killed Jimmy James, and either way, how conspicuous is she that they’re in a crisis and she’s constantly on her cell? Especially when – this just occurred to me – her phone was blasted in the EMP? She must have sent Samir a text message with the new number of the replacement phone NSA handed her. Or not; maybe they thought we wouldn’t notice. Silly, silly show runners.
Starbuck did say something interesting during one of the calls, though. It’s clear that there is no real relationship between Samir and Starbuck, and that this is a reluctant business arrangement on her part to help him. So who is it that she answers to? Who would be interested in recruiting a young, attractive female with a criminal past for a position of vast interest to national security? If they’re American, that would explain how “Dana” has been able to escape detection up to this point. God, this couldn’t be the makings of a perfect storm of sleaze, could it? Remember who’s making a late appearance before the final clock tick? Three words: Buck buck brawwwwwwwwk!
But nah, that’s too easy. There is no way an ex-President could get involved with something like that…right? Tony Almeida’s behind bars, so he couldn’t be the phantom menace, as it were…but Alan Wilson could be. His story is still unresolved; all we know is that Jackie nearly tortured him to death at the end of Day 7. Maybe his lawyers secured some kind of pardon for his troubles, and now he’s trying to secure more work for his defense contractors by executing another attack on US soil. It makes sense on paper, but that is usually the best indication that the show has other plans.
Lastly, let’s discuss poor, poor Tarin, who was forced to assume the role of the delivery driver for the bomb. This is surely a test on Samir’s part, since he has unofficially questioned Tarin’s commitment to the cause from the moment he expressed regret for getting Princess Jasmine involved. Tarin activates the ticking clock within the ticking clock, with a pained expression that said, “I am far too handsome to die like this.” Doesn’t he have 42 virgins waiting for him in the afterlife? Hey, no one wants to die, but dude, you’re a terrorist. You had to know that this moment was coming.
Which brings us to our song of the week, by my beloved Muse. Time is indeed running out for both Madame President and the show as a whole. The show’s producers seem to be excited about flipping the franchise into a feature film property, but I don’t know how that’s possible without massive commercial breaks. I remember when Johnny Depp and Christopher Walken tried that in the ’90s with “Nick of Time.” Didn’t work out too well. But on the plus side, maybe they’ll cut out all that useless stuff like Mare Winningham and her closeted terrorist son. That can only be a good thing, right?
How would it feel to be the credited writer of the worst movie of the decade? J.D. Shapiro, whose name is on the screenplay for “Battlefield Earth” knows exactly how it feels and he’s written a funny and revealing explanation of just how he came to work on the Razzie winner for the worst movie of the oughts. Let’s just say that this less than ideal career move, like so many bad career moves, began below the belt. You definitely want to read this.
Now, whenever I catch a few minutes of “Battlefield Earth” on cable, it’s not the inane dialogue or the insane visual approach I notice so much as the acting. And it’s not the acting in general so much as one particular performance…
You know, I think we need an instant replay of the key moment from that scene…
The press release came in early November. In it were four words that came together for the first time like a cinematic Reese’s peanut butter cup of awesomeness. We were powerless to resist, not that we would have tried. The four words:
“Hot Tub Time Machine.”
Bar none the best movie title to come down the pike in years (and hot on its heels is the equally awesomely named “Kick-Ass”), and it had us thinking about what we consider to be the all-time best movie titles. But first, we had to set some ground rules. Porno titles were obviously out (too easy), as were movies named after plays, songs, books or lines of poetry (borrowed material). Bonus points were given to titles that were either startlingly direct or looked like unfinished Mad Libs, thus provoking a reaction along the lines of Lisa Simpson when she saw “Yahoo Serious Film Festival” on a marquee (“I know those words, but that sign makes no sense.”) Horror movie titles were so plentiful that they received their own list, though a few choice selections made the regular list. Lastly, we feel compelled to remind everyone that this list was made purely for fun, so legitimately good titles – “Alien,” “Fight Club,” “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “Drag Me to Hell,” “Kill Bill” – were disqualified. Because really, how boring would that list be? Answer: very.
And so, without further delay, here’s our list. Discuss, debate and dissect amongst yourselves.
20. Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009) Because, you know, a simple battle between a shark and an octopus is on Discovery Channel twice a week. But a mega-shark and a giant octopus, that would be…well, craptacular, actually. And that is why we love the title; It’s eye-catching, but for all the wrong reasons. You want to give it credit for self-awareness – this is, after all, a movie that features a shark taking a plane out of the sky, thousands of feet off the ground – but perhaps that is giving the movie a bit too much credit. Still, there was a point where it was the most viewed trailer on the web, so the filmmakers clearly knew what they were doing when they came up with the title. Or maybe it was the irresistible allure of one Miss Deborah Gibson, one of the two.
19. The Brother From Another Planet (1984) Using “brother” in this context was relegated solely to the exploitation genre until John Sayles wrote and directed this movie about a mute alien being chased by alien bounty hunters. It may seem harmless now, but it was downright ballsy at the time, even for an independent movie. And we totally have to learn the card trick done by the guy on the subway.
18. The Midnight Meat Train (2008) Come on, who doesn’t want to ride that? Oh, right: everyone.
The thing is, this tale of a photographer who uncovers a subway serial killer is a pretty damn good movie. (And look at that cast: Bradley Cooper, Leslie Bibb, Roger Bart and Vinnie Jones, to name a few.) But that title was apparently too much for some to handle, to the point where after several release date changes, the movie finally surfaces in the dog days of August, making its first run…in second-run movie theaters. It goes down as another box office miss for Clive Barker, but this is easily the best Barker-related movie since “Candyman.” And you’d be hard pressed to come up with a more descriptive yet grossly unappealing title than that one.
17. Shoot ’em Up (2007) Sounds like an unholy straight-to-DVD Steven Seagal schlockfest, yes? (Though the preposition is in the wrong place, since Seagal’s movies usually begin with one.) Yes, and then you see Clive Owen and Paul Giamatti are the leads, and Nigel Tufnel’s line about the fine line between clever and stupid comes to mind. “Shoot ’em Up” perfectly encapsulates what the movie is all about, while underselling it at the same time. “Leave your expectations at the door,” it says, so we did, and walked out grinning from ear to ear. And did we mention the lactating hooker?
16. Spanking the Monkey (1994) Sexual Euphamism Movie Title #1. Hey, we’re dudes. Even though we like high-brow humor, we’re dudes.
Still, don’t let that title fool you. Yes, there is masturbation going on here, but this isn’t some “American Pie”-type sex comedy. It’s a disturbing black comedy where Jeremy Davies ends up having sex with his mother. Oh, that nutty David O. Russell. Only he could find the humor in incest.
20. Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus (2009)
18. The Midnight Meat Train (2008)
16. Spanking the Monkey (1994)
