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Oscars 2013, Your Time is Here

This year was, quite indeed, a great year for the movies. More times than not, I sat on the edge of my theatre seat in great anticipation for what was about to unfold in front of my very easily distracted eyes.  This even includes a twice interrupted viewing of Zero Dark Thirty, of which the projector froze twice. So what am I hoping for with the impending arrival of the 85th Academy Awards Ceremony? Well, mostly I’m hoping that Seth McFarlane keeps his jokes offensive and the crowd roaring, Jennifer Lawrence wears something  other than a dress that looks as though the bust could double as a BB gun, and that Daniel Day Lewis let’s somebody else win for once. Really dude.

Aside from those small requests, I’m hopeful and content with any and all contenders the academy sees fit for the naked gold man, whom I assume is called Oscar. Except, I’d also really prefer if it didn’t go to Hugh Jackman either, as it is he just irks me.

Where am I going with this, you ask? I just want to point out, again, that it has been an awesome year at the movies. Aside from Taken 3. That is. Because I don’t like to drink or socialize on the regular, movie watching is pretty much my part time job, and this year, they really put me to work. For starters, I never anticipated a quasi-romantic comedy starring Bradley Cooper to completely overwhelm me to the point where I was at a loss to describe what made the movie so, well, moving. Also, after being dragged to the theatres, quite reluctantly, to watch what was, according to me, a boring historical movie about the capture of a now evil dead guy, it was I who could not shut up about Zero Dark Thirty, or Jessica Chastain’s performance, for weeks. Skyfall, might just have been the best recent Bond movie of yet, and then of course, there was the brilliance of, Argo fuck  yourself.

So, Mr. Oscar, whatever you have in store tomorrow for us I’m sure will be alright with me, as it should be the rest of the world. However, Hollywood 2013, you have a lot to live up to.

And I’ll be watching you.

 

Top 5 reasons you should watch the Oscars

Guess who's got his hands full.

1. Seth MacFarlane – Finally, there’s a reason for straight guys to care. Sure, it’s nice to see the comedic stylings of 102 year-old Billy Crystal show us how you can tap dance while being attached to an iron lung, but it’s time to move on. If you haven’t laughed at MacFarlane during Family Guy, Ted or a comedy roast, then you probably flat-lined years ago.

2. It could get you laid – Nothing says “honey, I love you” more than sitting through something she knows you hate. Women enjoy the little things like kindness, consideration, chocolate and diamonds. Just don’t let on that you like it or you won’t be able to cash in later.

3. It’s not the Grammys – A sign you’re old is when you don’t recognize half of the songs nominated at the Grammys. It’s a fact and I’ve got the 8-track to prove it. Everyone has heard of most of the movies at the Oscars and it’s acceptable to lie about the rest. As a matter of fact, lying about the movies makes you an official Academy voter.

4. It’s not real life – Between the Sequester, natural disasters, commercials convincing you that you’re far more sick than you realize and Facebook reminding you how everyone is having more fun than you are, it can be a welcome relief to know that even for one night, millionaires can be called “losers”.

5. A 3rd Grader could be the story of the night – That’s right. Nominated for best actress is Quvenzhane Wallis for “Beasts of the Southern Wild”. I don’t even think hockey announcers can pronounce her name. It’s her first role and I can’t wait to see the shock on people’s faces when they find out next week that she traded in the Oscar for Jay-Z tickets and a Playstation 4.

10 Reasons to See ‘Warm Bodies’

Just yesterday, I had the pleasure of being dragged to a showing of the relatively new theatrical release, “Warm Bodies.”

And by dragged, I mean not dragged at all, entirely willing, and despondently hopeful.

However, it was totally worth it. The movie, although seemingly bizarre and easily misjudged as campy and corny, is actually quite clever and original. Except if you’ve ever seen the lost 80s movie, “My Boyfriend’s Back,” in which case Warm Bodies just seems like a victorious copy-cat of a lackluster romantic comedy about a corpse.  A romantic zomedy, if you will.

Because I don’t like writing reviews, I have compiled a list of 10 reasons to go see this movie right now. However, if you live in the New England area you should probably wait till Sunday, as there is snow and stuff.

1)   John Malkovich is in it

2)   Every joke that you want them to make, but you are afraid they won’t because then they’d be poking fun at themselves, they do.

3)   My friend *Debby is convinced there will be a zombie apocalypse. If such is the case, this movie will help us prepare, as well as advise us on its defeat.

4)   Analiegh Tipton is both adorable and hilarious.

5)   You know you’ve always wanted to see a pretty girl and a zombie make out.

6)   What do zombies think about? We no longer have to wonder.

7)   Here we learn what happens when zombies progress from plain zombie, to MEGA ZOMBIE.

8)   John Malkovich is in it.

9)   How many zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb? No just kidding. That’s not a thing. However, you do find out why zombies eat people and what their favorite part of eating the brain is. Useful information.

10)   It is not “Twilight” and Kristen Stewart is not in it.

Celebrities to Keep an Eye on

Every year is an exciting one within the Entertainment world. Figuring out who you should be watching and keeping track of can be difficult. Here are some of the most exciting celebrities to keep your eye on in 2013.

Jennifer Aniston

Even if you’re “Team Jolie” Anniston is someone to keep an eye on. There are few actresses who can pull of smart, edgy and be the charming girl next door type all at the same time. Anniston is one of them. Over the last few years she’s gone from supporting actress to lead actress and has since added the titles of Director and Producer to her resume. She was given a star on the Walk of Fame in 2012 and has a number of projects in the queue for 2013. Maybe this year she’ll find her “Blind Side.”

Ed Sheeran

He may only be 22, but Ed Sheeran is definitely making a name for himself in the music scene. He started out as an independent musician playing gigs almost every day until his indie album caught the attention Asylum/Atlantic Records. Now he’s signed with the label and was named The British Breakthrough Artist of the Year in 2012. He’s a great inspiration for people in the indie scene who have dreams of going mainstream.

Kim Kardashian

Yes, we know that she’s Kanye’s Baby Mama but we’re hoping that beyond watching her adjust to new motherhood 2013 will be the year we finally figure out why, exactly, she’s famous.

Louis CK

His sitcom has been wildly successful for several seasons; he’s won Emmys and has one of the most successful comedy specials of all time (thanks to his selling it independently). With his sitcom, Louie, on hiatus this season nobody is quite sure what he has up his sleeve for 2013 but we’re willing to bet that it is going to be phenomenal.

Katie Holmes

She’s finally free of Tom Cruise and hopefully that means she can start taking on film and television projects again. We’re hoping that her career really takes off now that the two have split. It happened for Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz and Mimi Rogers (all former or near-former Mrs. Cruises), there’s no reason to believe it won’t happen for the most memorable cast member of Dawson’s Creek. We can’t wait to see what projects she takes on this year!

Justin Timberlake

The mega pop-star took his turn in a Clint Eastwood vehicle in 2012 and has more in store for 2013. In addition to the traditional entertainment projects, Timberlake is also spearheading the MySpace revival effort. The site is due to reopen hopefully soon and if Timberlake can bring it back to life he’ll be able to add “Internet Mogul” to his resume which will make him a…quadruple threat? We’ve lost track of how many threats he is.

Justin Bieber

Isn’t every year a year to keep an eye on Justin Bieber?

2013 is certainly going to be an interesting year—not just for these celebrities but for those of us who are keeping track of them!

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