Shocking no one, Spears edged out bag lady Mary-Kate Olsen, high-priced call girl Paris Hilton, and even asthmatic hurl-queen Lindsay Lohan for the top honors on Mr. Blackwell’s annual shamefest.
The winning touch? Spears’ tacky accessorizing, having allowed herself to be captured on film dozens of times with a dope-smoking, cornrow-sporting, talent-impaired aspiring white rap artist on her arm. That look is so 2004.
LOHAN TIME AGAIN! Yes fans, Lindsay Lohan is appalled by her recent Vanity Fair interview. She’s claiming that her words were twisted and that she never had bulimia. I don’t care if she had it or not, I just wanna take her out for some beers and a hoagie.
Let’s play a game. See if you can guess which former child star has a “novel” coming out this spring, based on this excerpt that might (but, well, doesn’t, as far as we know) appear in his or her work of “fiction”:
“So then, after doing a hilarious John Hughes comedy about a guy named Bug trying to date-rape my sister, I spent two hours beating the shit out of a couple of imbeciles at Christmastime. Then I got killed onscreen by a bunch of wussy bees, but it was okay, because Michael Jackson made me the godparent to his first child–which was totally conceived the natural way and didn’t involve lots of scientists with tubes and stuff. Then, when I was seventeen, I figured it was high time I got married.”
That’s right, book club fans: Macaulay Culkin has a word processor, and he’s not afraid to use it! He’s working out his Daddy issues (just like Premium Hollywood’s official celebrity mascot, Lindsay Lohan, does on her new album), and he doesn’t care who knows about it.
Oh well. At least he wrote the damn thing himself (we think), instead of just taking credit for a ghostwriter’s work like Nicole Richie appears to have done.
Well it’s that time of year again. The Smoking Gun has posted its top mug shots of 2005. You’ll find a few big names in there, but man oh man, does that #1 spot take the cake. Maybe all these lesser-knowns can have some exciting Lifetime Television movies made from their struggles. Hell, I’d pay for a full ticket for guy number one’s movie alone.
The Spotlight Kid has been holding out on us. Entertainment Weekly’s Popwatch blog posted this link to a photo of the WB’s new Aquaman, Will Toale, apparently captured in a candid moment while shopping for produce shirtless, as most men are known to do. Toale’s qualifications for the Aquaman role have thus been revealed, in the form of a well-tanned, washboard stomach.
Bearing limited acting credentials, Toale is best known for his modeling work–specifically underwear modeling, the better to show off his abs of steel. Pity, then, that he must cover them up for his new role, and instead wear the infinitely less flattering orange-and-green wetsuit. Unless of course hiding his remarkable abs is essential to maintaining Aquaman’s anonymity, much like Clark Kent’s dorky glasses?
Either way, rest assured that the Aquaman writers will find plenty of excuses for Aquaman’s alter ego, Arthur Curry, to whip his shirt off at the drop of a hat, the better to keep those female teenage viewers drooling. Toale clearly has a bright future ahead of him, just like his brothers-in-arms, former underwear models Mark Wahlberg and Antonio Sabato Jr….or at least that dude who played Tarzan a couple years back.
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