The title is a reference to the fact that the Russians were scouring their locked-down embassy for an at-large Jack (nice use of a belt on his part, but shame on both the guy assigned to kill him and the guy watching them both on VIDEO for not seeing Jack grab the belt in the first place), and when they finally checked out the room that he was in, they didn’t find him. Why? Because they never look up (Jack was hiding in the ceiling). Basically, Jack’s playing Quake while everyone else is playing Doom. And Jack’s in God mode. Is there a God mode in Quake? I just found a level called Cyberden in the Plutonia version of Doom, and it’s freaking sweet.
All right, show of hands: who’s having a hard time taking the Ricker (nickname courtesy of my “Silver Spoons”-watching wife) seriously? That whole brash, bow-to-me-or-be-reassigned thing was the most pompous performance in CTU history. Not even Chappelle (R.I.P.) was that much of a blowhard, and he blew hard. Even better, did you like his decision not to use body armor during the assault on the Russian embassy? Hell, even Jack wears a vest. What you tryin’ ta prove, son? Whatever it is, nobody cares, and once Jack is back at CTU, you can bet that he will give him the verbal equivalent of an open-hand slap in the mouth. Heck, when you’re actually rooting for Milo over anyone, there’s something wrong.
Senator Roark, meanwhile, has onions so large that he carries them around in a wheelbarrow. He strong-arms the Biscuit into backing his “Killing an Arab” policy, despite the fact that the senator himself knows that the Muslims were not responsible for the attack on the President. I thought for sure that the Biscuit would tell the truth when Roark asked him to lie, but this time, he caved. Perhaps he, like the rest of us, pondered what kind of beatdown Powers Boothe could give Peter MacNicol in real life, and thought twice about it. Does President Palmer even come back this year? After all, we only have 11 hours left. Would they ever allow a Commander-in-Chief to resume office that soon after an assassination attempt?
Lastly, we get to former President Buck Buck Brawwwwwk and the former First Lady of Crazy. Martha has a new boy toy, and it is no other than – bow chicka bow bow – Old Yeller. I had severe problems with this, since I figured their relationship, as First Lady and bodyguard, was a close one, but not intimate, we’ll-have-sex-as-soon-as-I-get-to-the-funny-farm intimate. Shows what I know about politics. If there is one thing I know about women – and man, do I know this – it’s that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially a batshit crazy one. With all of the camera shots of a knife here and a knife there, I was surprised that Martha didn’t telepathically send 20 knives flying into Chicken Little’s torso “Carrie”-style. Instead, she only needed one, and her response of “They should make me a hero” was blackly funny.
For those who don’t want to know about next week’s episode, stop reading here, but there was something that gave me hope that they had not completely underestimated our intelligence. As CTU is tracking the “drone” plane that houses one of the suitcase nukes, it is clear to them that someone within CTU is manipulating the action. Is this when they finally play the Nadia/Milo card? Does Nadia sell Milo down the river? Of course she does. Isn’t that what he’s been here for all this time?
A must-watch for anyone from the Nintendo Generation, “Captain N” followed everyday teenager Kevin Keane on his journey into Videoland to help the N-Team (consisting of Simon Belmont, Kid Icarus and Mega Man) fend off the sinister Mother Brain and her gang of hapless goons. Watching the series more than ten years after the fact exposes some serious inaccuracies in the main characters; ones we probably never noticed as kids. For instance, Simon Belmont looks nothing like this video game counterpart, Mega Man has been transformed into some robotic midget, and Pit has been given the name of his video game (“Kid Icarus”) so as to not cause any confusion. Furthermore, Mother Brain sounds more like the plant from “Little Shop of Horrors” than a legitimate threat. What’s even worse, while the four-disc box set boasts the inclusion of the entire series, only the first two seasons of the show appear, with the incomplete (and lesser quality) third season completely left out.
Based on Sega’s most famous video game character and voiced by Jaleel White (“Family Matters”), the “Sonic the Hedgehog” cartoon series first premiered in 1993 only to be cancelled after two seasons. I was only 13-years-old when the show left the air, but I still remember why the show never succeeded. Two reasons, actually. First off, the animation sucked, and it only got worse as the series progressed. This must have had something to do with its production company (DIC), since many of the studio’s cartoon series progressively got worse around the same time. Secondly, it’s main competition during its Saturday morning time block was “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers,” and well, back in the day, no show had a chance against that particular fad. Regardless, the show managed to secure a decent cult following, and that’s about the only good thing about its DVD release. Though not confirmed, it looks as if the slim case and DVD cover art has been supplied by the fans themselves. If true (and I’d have to believe so, since the styles are so different across the board), then kudos to Shout! for giving something back to the fans.
