The title is a reference to the fact that the Russians were scouring their locked-down embassy for an at-large Jack (nice use of a belt on his part, but shame on both the guy assigned to kill him and the guy watching them both on VIDEO for not seeing Jack grab the belt in the first place), and when they finally checked out the room that he was in, they didn’t find him. Why? Because they never look up (Jack was hiding in the ceiling). Basically, Jack’s playing Quake while everyone else is playing Doom. And Jack’s in God mode. Is there a God mode in Quake? I just found a level called Cyberden in the Plutonia version of Doom, and it’s freaking sweet.
All right, show of hands: who’s having a hard time taking the Ricker (nickname courtesy of my “Silver Spoons”-watching wife) seriously? That whole brash, bow-to-me-or-be-reassigned thing was the most pompous performance in CTU history. Not even Chappelle (R.I.P.) was that much of a blowhard, and he blew hard. Even better, did you like his decision not to use body armor during the assault on the Russian embassy? Hell, even Jack wears a vest. What you tryin’ ta prove, son? Whatever it is, nobody cares, and once Jack is back at CTU, you can bet that he will give him the verbal equivalent of an open-hand slap in the mouth. Heck, when you’re actually rooting for Milo over anyone, there’s something wrong.
Senator Roark, meanwhile, has onions so large that he carries them around in a wheelbarrow. He strong-arms the Biscuit into backing his “Killing an Arab” policy, despite the fact that the senator himself knows that the Muslims were not responsible for the attack on the President. I thought for sure that the Biscuit would tell the truth when Roark asked him to lie, but this time, he caved. Perhaps he, like the rest of us, pondered what kind of beatdown Powers Boothe could give Peter MacNicol in real life, and thought twice about it. Does President Palmer even come back this year? After all, we only have 11 hours left. Would they ever allow a Commander-in-Chief to resume office that soon after an assassination attempt?
Lastly, we get to former President Buck Buck Brawwwwwk and the former First Lady of Crazy. Martha has a new boy toy, and it is no other than – bow chicka bow bow – Old Yeller. I had severe problems with this, since I figured their relationship, as First Lady and bodyguard, was a close one, but not intimate, we’ll-have-sex-as-soon-as-I-get-to-the-funny-farm intimate. Shows what I know about politics. If there is one thing I know about women – and man, do I know this – it’s that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, especially a batshit crazy one. With all of the camera shots of a knife here and a knife there, I was surprised that Martha didn’t telepathically send 20 knives flying into Chicken Little’s torso “Carrie”-style. Instead, she only needed one, and her response of “They should make me a hero” was blackly funny.
For those who don’t want to know about next week’s episode, stop reading here, but there was something that gave me hope that they had not completely underestimated our intelligence. As CTU is tracking the “drone” plane that houses one of the suitcase nukes, it is clear to them that someone within CTU is manipulating the action. Is this when they finally play the Nadia/Milo card? Does Nadia sell Milo down the river? Of course she does. Isn’t that what he’s been here for all this time?