Oh, that Pam Anderson, always finding a way to put herself in the news when she feels no one’s staring at her anymore. Seems she’s gone off the deep end and has demanded that a bust of Colonel Sanders be removed from the state Capitol. Her jealousy raging over those succulent breasts with 11 secret herbs and spices, I can only imagine that she and the rest of the people backing this action are demanding separation of chicken and state (ba doom ching). She claims the bust is a “monument to cruelty.” How ironic, considering her bust is the exact same thing given how many times it’s changed over the years.
Author: Jason Thompson (Page 62 of 67)
Suddenly I feel like I’m writing a review for that dumping ground of consumer reviewing, Epinions with my title for this piece, but I must insist if you have never seen Sylvester Stallone’s Cobra, then by all means put it at the top of your to-do list. I had never seen it myself until my brother got me the DVD as a joke gift (it was a Stallone two-fer that also includes Tango and Cash). I had remembered seeing news for it when it first came out ages ago, on something like Entertainment Tonight, with Sly’s response to a mad bomber threatening to blow up a supermarket being, “Go ahead, I don’t shop here.” ZING!
Cobra is a movie so shitty that it’s worth watching for its unintended comedy. It certainly ranks at the top of Stallone’s flicks as far as I’m concerned. Plus, you also get to see what Brigette Nielsen looked like before she turned into a walking chimney-stack saddle bag. Yeah, I know she was in other flicks before this one, but here’s one where she’s looking relatively normal. She plays a fashion model in Cobra and the part where she’s doing a photo shoot with robot props that looked like they were designed in the ’50s and slapped together in two minutes is hysterical. But so are Stallone’s grunts of dialogue in this, such as “You’re the disease and I’m the cure,” and “This is where the law stops and I start…sucker!” it’s pure HOLLYWOOD GOLD.
Plus, Cobra sports one of the coolest cars ever to appear in any film ever. A custom Mercury, this is the kind of car that outcools even Starsky’s ride. Never has there been a cooler car in a movie. And never will there be again. So there you go. Have a look at this movie, and if you’ve already seen it, see it again. Dammit, just go buy the damn thing and love it as much as I do. Stallone hasn’t made a good movie since, and everything he did before this was just bullshit. Cobra RULZ.
LOHAN TIME AGAIN! Yes fans, Lindsay Lohan is appalled by her recent Vanity Fair interview. She’s claiming that her words were twisted and that she never had bulimia. I don’t care if she had it or not, I just wanna take her out for some beers and a hoagie.
Well it’s that time of year again. The Smoking Gun has posted its top mug shots of 2005. You’ll find a few big names in there, but man oh man, does that #1 spot take the cake. Maybe all these lesser-knowns can have some exciting Lifetime Television movies made from their struggles. Hell, I’d pay for a full ticket for guy number one’s movie alone.
Looks like the WB has tapped a relative unknown to play Aquaman in the upcoming TV series. So sure, you can say, “Who is Will Toale?” My question, though, is “Who gives a shit about Aquaman?” Seriously. It’s easy to see why “Smallville” works since it’s easy to find Superman fans who are interested in that character and who’s had shows a-plenty based on it (I still can’t fathom the popularity of “Lois and Clark”). But when did anyone ever really get behind Aquaman? To me, he was an even bigger nimrod of the Justice league than either The Wonder Twins or that goofball Marvin. One of those characters like the Green Arrow that just always seemed like a third-stringer rather than a real hero. I predict a short life for this series. However, it’ll probably get at least two seasons under its belt since the WB isn’t as overzealous as Fox is to get rid of its shows as fast as possible. However, I hope in this show that Aquaman gets to do menial tasks during his off-hours like check the fluoride levels in the water supply, and paint over grafitti on water towers. I’d actually watch that. Once.
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