Here’s hoping Tommy will finally be sucked into the talentless black hole that he’s managed to escape for so long now. Cruise has been nominated in the Worst Actor category in this year’s Razzies. He’s up against other notables such as Will Ferrell and Rob Schneider. It’s nice to know that the world has had enough Tom and that it’s ready to Just Say No to him. Hopefully his mutant offspring will have no interest whatsoever in making movies and will disown its parents, fleeing to Finland and live a quiet life. There’s no need for the Cruise “legacy” to go any farther than it has.
Author: Jason Thompson (Page 61 of 67)
Every time I think that hell has frozen over, in comes another fine mind-boggling addition to the freeze. Case in point, Big Momma 2 was the #1 hit at the box office this weekend. OK, now can anyone tell me why? And can anyone tell me why it even needed a sequel? Will there be a third one so we can get a glorious trilogy boxed set DVD later on? And will people sit around and talk of the trilogy like they do the Indiana Jones movies, or the first three Star Wars flicks? There’s no need for this kind of money wastage to be going on (a full $28 million even). Let’s make Martin Lawrence go broke for making this shit, whaddaya say?
Yes, there are a ton of crapfests being released in the theatres in the coming months, but I believe that without a doubt the biggest of the bombs is going to be the prequel of The Pink Panther also called The Pink Panther “starring” Steve Martin. There is no reason to make this movie whatsoever. Martin should just publicly apologize now for even considering doing it and own up the the fact that he is no longer funny and is a complete fucking bore in terms of both acting and overall entertainer anymore. The original version of this flick wasn’t a fall down laughfest, anyway. That would come with what I consider to be the best of the Inspector Clouseau movies, A Shot in the Dark. But here we go, making a “wacky” prequel and throwing in Beyonce of all people. Jesus, it really can’t get any worse, can it? Perhaps it can. The other day on Opie And Anthony, someone pointed out how Martin’s Clouseau impression sounded more like his old wild and crazy Czech brother character from “SNL” than anything remotely close to Clouseau. I’d have to agree. Please, Steve, just stop already. You’ve more then embarrassed yourself with almost, if not all the most recent flicks you’ve done. There is no need for any more bullshit.
(There are some hilarious quotes on the IMDB message board for this flick, however. Among them are, “…the movie will be a hit…it may not be #1 but it will be in the top #5. ” and “The trailer has some intelligent humour — it kind of reminds me of Young Frankenstein, and finally the immeasurably talented Steve Martin has found a decent script that rivals some of his earliest films.” Sure, whatever.)
Hello kids, Roy Munson here with another suggestion for your fun time movie viewing schedules. If you’ve never seen it, than I suggest you check out the groovy van-centric/dope-addled flick “The Van” from 1977. It’s all about this goofball named Bobby (played by Stuart Goetz) who gives up his crappy car for an awesome van nicknamed “Straight Arrow” in a quest to lay chicks. Straight Arrow’s got it all – a waterbed, shag interior, TV, tea maker, the works! There’s even a disturbing scene where Bobby shows off the van to his mom and she starts almost orgasming on the waterbed. Creepy!
The Van is chock full of memorable moments, especially when it comes to Bobby’s come-on lines. You’ll thrill seeing him hitting up girl after girl with the classic line, “Wanna go out to my van and share a joint?” Hell, who wouldn’t, especially after all that Lucky beer they imbibe throughout the feature! There’s cheeseball sex a-plenty, good dope smokin’, and even some jug wine drinking! Whooo! And if that’s not enough, Danny DeVito himself stars as Bobby’s boss at the local car wash. Danny’s also doubling as a bookie, so you know wacky mayhem eventually ensues. And don’t miss the big scene where Bobby and the gang check out a roadside van convention!
However, my favorite moment of the whole movie is when Dugan, the big, brainless bully of the movie challenges Bobby to a van race. Bobby calls Dugan a turd, and Dugan replies “No one calls Dugan a turd!!!” He keeps repeating this over and over as they race down the street. Pure gold, I tell you. And what’s more, this flick features the Sammy Johns hit “Chevy Van,” as well as the best love song ever, “Early Mornin’ Love,” also sung by Johns. So if you want a movie that has it all, including the most carefree and moronic leading character ever seen in a flick, then “The Van” is for you.
All you ladies out there can scream for joy once again as David Hasselhoff has filed for divorce! I dunno how the guy managed to make his second marriage last so long. What possesses a woman to wanna be married, nay, fall in love with, a guy who drove a talking car and demanded that Baywatch be more serious? Oh, and let’s not forget all those great rockin’ songs he’s lavished upon the Germans as well.
Still, those thirsty for new Knight Rider action will be happy to know that Hasselhoff is getting primed for a big screen version of the old show. Anything to keep that career alive in the US, right David?
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