Trey Parker has never been afraid to skewer someone that offended his sensibilities. Janet Reno, Mel Gibson, Rob Reiner, OJ Simpson, Russell Crowe, Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi and Phil Collins have all felt the wrath of Trey. He even dedicated an entire episode to debunking the “psychic” abilities of John Edward, which effectively (and thankfully) killed Edward’s career.
But last night’s episode, “Trapped in the Closet,” is by far the biggest swing Parker and Matt Stone have ever taken at a celebrity; they took on Tom Cruise, the Biggest Movie Star in the World. The setup to this is that the Church of Scientology thinks that Stan is the reincarnation of church founder L. Ron Hubbard. When Stan/L.Ron tells Tom that he thinks Tom’s just an okay actor, Tom is devastated, locks himself in Stan’s closet and won’t come out. For the sake of space, I will list my five favorite bits in the episode.
– The conversation between Tom and ex-wife Nicole Kidman, who is summoned to lure Tom out of Stan’s closet.
Nicole: Don’t you think this has gone on long enough? It’s time for you to come out of the closet.
Tom: I’m not- I’m not in the closet.
Nicole: Yes, you are, Tom. And you just need to end this and come out. I’m not going to think any differently of you. Katie’s not going to think any differently of you. You don’t need to be in that closet anymore, Tom.
Tom: I’m not in here, though.
Nicole: Yes, you are.
Tom: I’m not – I’m not in the closet.
Nicole: Then how am I talking to you, Tom? Come out of the closet, you’re not fooling anyone.
Tom: But I’m not – I’m not in here.
– The summary of the tenets of Scientology, equipped with a helpful animated reenactment. At the bottom, there is a super that states, “This is what Scientologists actually believe.” Hard, core.
– R. Kelly. He sings throughout the entire episode, and after three or four lines, he sings, “So I pull out my gun!” Everyone runs for cover, including the police. Even better is where he ends up in the closet with Tom (and John Travolta). Anyone who makes videotapes of themselves peeing on 14 year-old girls has deeply conflicted sexuality issues.
– Stan’s speech when he’s dismissing his friends. They all walk away slowly, thinking that they’ve lost Stan forever. Cartman waits behind to say, “Stan, I just want you to know that I still hate Kyle more than you.”
– The final scene, where Stan dares to dismiss Scientology as a global scam. The church’s response: “We’re gonna sue you!” Stan stands up to them. “Go ahead! I’m not scared of you! Sue me!” The credits roll, with every name changed to “John Smith” and “Jane Smith.”
The last act was a stroke of genius. If Tom Cruise or the Church of Scientology dares to actually sue Trey and Matt, they’re only validating everything the episode implies. It’s a preemptive strike that neuters their opponents before they can even respond. Bravo, Trey and Matt. You are my heroes.
