Despite starting in the fall with strong reviews and solid performances from Geena Davis and the always-dependable Donald Sutherland, after a relatively-dismal second half of the season, ABC has lost its faith in the presidency and yanked “Commander in Chief.”
(How could you lose faith in a president who looks like that…?!?!?)
Ironically, just yesterday, Davis was chatting with Ellen DeGeneres about how the show was – to use the industry term – “on the bubble.” Looks like the bubble burst…
Last night’s episode of “American Idol” had the remaining five contestants performing two songs each — one from the year in which they were born, and a current song from the Billboard charts. What was somewhat frightening about this was realizing that Katharine was born in 1984, and Paris in 1988. Nineteen Eighty Eight! Holy crap.
Lucky for all of us, the fact that there were ten performances and one hour to fill left less room for Ryan Seacrest and his stupid banter. So let’s go straight to the performances, broken down by contestant this week to make things easier.
ELLIOT YAMIN
Elliot was born in 1978 and started out with George Benson’s “On Broadway.” It was pretty solid and let’s face it, we all know Elliot can sing really well. Simon thought it was “disjointed,” but Randy and Paula liked it and I agreed with them. Elliot later sang Michael Buble’s “Home,” and with lyrics about going home, I was sitting there thinking of the implications. Dude, why would you choose that song? The karma can’t be good. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who thought so, because Simon also made reference to it. Even worse was that his performance of the song was a bit mediocre, and mediocre is not a good thing at this stage. Even worse than that was when Ryan called Elliot, “Yamin the Machine.” That is so bad I am literally at a loss for words….on to Paris….
PARIS BENNETT
Paris started things off with Prince’s “Kiss,” from 1988. But wait a minute. That song was released in 1986, wasn’t it? Well, yes, but Tom Jones and The Art of Noise also released the song two years later.
Randy, my dawg, surely you knew that? Anyway, it was a straight ahead performance, nothing earth shattering. Simon went further, saying it was “screechy and annoying.” Later Paris took on Mary J. Blige’s “Be With You,” and did a pretty good job of it. But as is the case at this stage, B-plus isn’t going to be good enough. Paris is definitely in danger of going home.
CHRIS DAUGHTRY
Chris was born in 1979 and started out with Styx’s “Renegade.” Suffice to say if and when Chris gets a record deal, he should record that song. It was just a perfect choice for him and Simon declared it to be a million times better than the first two performers of the night. Chris chose Shinedown’s “I Dare You” as his hit of today. Um, calling that song a “hit” may be a stretch….at least to me and Randy Jackson, who said he was bored by the song. Simon made reference to the fact that Chris was struggling a bit vocally with the second song, but that his first peformance was good enough to keep him in the running. I agree completely.
KATHARINE McPHEE
This much is certain — Katharine is a hottie with movie star good looks. But she butchered Phil Collins’ “Against All Odds” so bad that those looks might not save her this time. Simon said it was “in parts a mess,” and I disagree. The whole song was a mess! Anyway, Katharine redeemed herself in a huge way with her version of KT Tunstall’s “Black Horse And the Cherry Tree.” It was hands down the best performance of the second half of the show, and probably good enough to keep Katharine around at least one more week, maybe two.
TAYLOR HICKS
The gray haired wonder started off with Wild Cherry’s “Play That Funky Music” from 1976. Simon thought it was like a wedding band performance, but I have to say this: Taylor has so much fun with this that you can’t not like the guy. And he really does sing his ass off. But he made a curious decision by singing the Beatles’ “Something” as his song from today’s charts…..that song is on the “catalog” charts or something like that, so it’s a huge stretch. Dude should have sang The Fray’s “Cable Car”….but to make matters worse, it was a mediocre performance. Regardless, America loves this dude and in my mind he is still the favorite to go all the way.
So there you have it. Let’s recap, shall we? Chris Daughtry was pretty solid, America loves Taylor Hicks and he was fun to watch, and Katharine McPhee’s second song was good enough to keep her around. Ladies and gentleman, that is going to be your top 3. Paris and Elliot continue to deliver B-plus or A-minus performances consistently enough, that there is no question they will both be heading home this week and next. I’m not sure what order that will be in, but that’s my prediction.
See you tomorrow when the final four comes into focus.
Vandalay, OUT.
For those still mourning the loss of Meredith Viera from ABC morning staple “The View,” take solace in the knowledge that it could be much, much worse. Imagine the carnage if each of the remaining co-hosts was also, in turn, replaced by Rosie O’Donnell:
Yes, our darling Meredith has been replaced with a loud, brash, fashion- and coiffure-challenged, supermodel-bashing militant lesbian. Yes, there is a very real danger that Rosie will snap the slender Elisabeth Hasselbeck in two and eat her as an appetizer during a commercial break. And yes, Star Jones now has some serious competition for the title of Most Obnoxious Morning Fat Chick.
But at least there’s only one Rosie. And for that, we must all be very, very grateful.
So how long before Tony closes the deal with Julianna, the smokin’ real estate agent played by Julianna Marguiles? Man, she nailed her role to perfection tonight. Those knee-high boots, that little red leather coat, saying things like “I have a low tolerance for boredom,” visiting Tony at the Bing to talk business. You’ve got to feel for Tony, because on the one hand, he loves Carmella and is profoundly grateful for what she did for him while he was recovering from the gunshot wound. They’re getting along great, both in and out of bed, and T’s got a new lease on life. But on the other hand…I mean, dude, did you see those boots and that coat? Yum. To paraphrase Chris Rock, I’m not saying Tony should’ve cheated on Carm (again)…but I understand.
And yet, in a scene that proves Tony Soprano may have more restraint than just about any red-blooded man in TV Land, T tosses Julianna aside when she straddles him and starts unbuttoning his shirt, reminding him much too vividly of Carmella buttoning up the same shirt for him an hour or two earlier. That’s a great sign for Tony and Carm’s marriage, right? Not so much. Judging by Tony’s mini-tantrum when he discovers there’s no smoked turkey in the fridge when he gets home, there appears to be some rough water ahead. We haven’t seen the last of Ms. Julianna and, hopefully, we haven’t seen the last of her killer boots either.
Tony’s got more problems at home, though, namely A.J. and his thriving social life. He’s hanging out at New York clubs, staying out late, waking up later, and displaying a general disinterest in anything that doesn’t involve booze, coke or women. Problem is, he realizes his buddies only want him around because he’s Tony Soprano’s kid, which is coincidentally the reason girls find him so “intense.” Still hung up on seeking revenge against Joon and trying to prove he’s more than just Anthony Soprano Jr., AJ pays his uncle a visit in the loony bin but panics when he sees Junior, drops the knife he had stashed in his coat, and eventually winds up in cuffs, waiting for dad to pick him up at the police station.
The scene outside the station between Tony and AJ was sensational. They haven’t done much with AJ’s character this season, aside from portraying him as a total fuck-up with zero ambition, so it was nice to see some depth from him tonight. Unfortunately, T’s father-son chat didn’t change much as AJ was at the club again when, uh-oh, he suffered a panic attack. Tony went out of his way to say that AJ was “a nice guy,” an assessment AJ clearly resented, but Tony insisted it was a good thing. He’s told Dr. Melfi several times that he doesn’t want AJ to follow in his footsteps, so it’s no surprise that he would highlight just how different he thinks he and AJ are. Turns out, the apple may not have landed as far away from the tree as T would’ve hoped, which means we’re likely going to be seeing more of AJ (and his shady friends) in the coming weeks too.
And then there’s Vito. This storyline was abandoned last week and this week, we saw why. I’ve been trying to figure out the purpose behind the Vito angle all season, and it seems clear to me now that this has more to do with the problems the situation is going to cause between Tony and Phil and less to do with the situation itself. Vito’s hiding out in this little town, telling everyone he’s writing a book on Rocky Marciano while getting much more comfortable in his new skin, and now that he’s hooked up with Johnny Cakes (the cook at the diner who, Vito discovers, is also a motorcycle-riding volunteer firefighter who pulls children from fiery houses), he seems to be establishing some sort of life for himself. Okay, fine…but now I’m bored. We’re not going to see Vito and Johnny Cakes going on picnics each week, so what’s going to happen now? I’m sure the phone call Vito made to his wife is going to lead to trouble. Phil, who’s really fired up since Vito is married to Phil’s cousin, will trace the number back to the small town and take care of Vito himself. He already tried telling Tony how to deal with the situation, to which Tony took exception, and after making it clear that he’s still not happy with how Tony handled the Tony Blundetto mess last season, you can bet Phil wants to be the guy who finds Vito first.
They’ve been setting Phil up for a fall all season. Looks like that moment is fast approaching.
…here’s one of the best books you’re ever going to find: Unsold TV Pilots – The Almost Complete Guide To Everything You Never Saw On TV, by Lee Goldberg.
If you laughed really hard at the “Fox Force Five” discussion in “Pulp Fiction,” you won’t be able to stop reading this book…and re-reading it, and re-reading it.
Here are just a few entries to whet your appetite:
Wurlitzer: Scott Maldovan inherits a run-down diner, and in it, an antique, mahogany Wurlitzer jukebox which not only plays timeless hits, but hurls our hapless hero into the past, to the time when each particular song was popular. In the unproduced pilot, Scott is sent to 1968 San Francisco to help a woman in her battle against drug addiction.
Ethel Is An Elephant: Todd Susman is a New York photographer who shares his apartment with a baby elephant abandoned by a circus. The proposed series would chronicle this awkward living arrangement and his constant battles with the city and his landlord to keep the animal.
Poor Devil: Sammy Davis, Jr., stars as the earnest but inept disciple of the Devil (played by Christopher Lee, no less) who constantly fails to win over souls.
Ebony, Ivory, and Jade: On the surface, Ebony Bryant (Debbie Allen) and Ivory David (Martha Smith) are a Las Vegas song-and-dance team, managed by slick guy Nick Jade (Bert Convy)…but they are actually three crack secret agents.
There are also a lot of failed pilots which included actors and actresses who would LATER become famous. After the flop of “Basic Instinct 2,” one wonders if Sharon Stone now wishes that ABC had picked up “Badlands 2005,” the story of a U.S. marshall (Lewis Smith) and his cyborg partner (Miguel Ferrer) who patrol the now barren American West in a high-tech car for a tough female boss…played by Stone, naturally.
SUCH an awesome book.
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