Category: TV (Page 542 of 595)

I Swear To God, It’s Not For Me, But… (#3)

Admit it, guys: you’ve laughed at “The Golden Girls.”

You might not call it one of your favorite shows of all time, but we’ve checked with the folks at Nielsen, and they have documentation which clearly demonstrates that, whenever you’re at home alone, you’re flipping through the channels, and you find an episode on Lifetime – and lord knows it’s on all the damned time – you sometimes stop and watch.

Season 5 of “The Golden Girls” is being released on DVD on Tuesday, May 9th. Yeah, I know, if it’s on Lifetime constantly, why buy it? Well, unlike a lot of the bare-bones sets coming out nowadays, this one features several commentaries from the Girls themselves: Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, and Betty White. (Sadly, Estelle Getty has, for some years now, been suffering from Dementia with Lewy bodies, which is – God help her – reportedly like a cross between Parkinsons and Alzheimers.) Arthur and McClanahan have a tendency to drift into watching the show, laughing at what’s onscreen, and offering comments like, “We were a great bunch of gals,” but White’s commentaries are particularly interesting and full of trivia…like, for instance, how she was originally considered to play Blanche (McClanahan’s role) but that the producers felt it would be too much like her character Sue-Ann Nivens on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.”

Ah, who am I kidding? You’re not going to buy it…but, y’know, Mother’s Day IS right around the corner. So if you buy it for your mom, I’m sure she won’t tell anyone if you borrow it…

American Idol: Princess P Goes Home

Yes, it was time for Paris Bennett to leave “American Idol.” Not that I didn’t call her being one of the top finishers way back in January or anything (I can feel you all patting me on the back, thanks)….but it was definitely time. You could start to see her inexperience shine through a bit, just as it did with Lisa Tucker, though Paris lasted a little longer. Paris is amazing and will always be a Vandalay favorite, but unfortunately, someone has to go home each week.

So the results show last night did not feature a performance by a Stevie Wonder, Rod Stewart, Kenny Rogers, or anyone like that. Instead, the remaining contestants did a group song called “We Are One.”
And a horrible song it was. I mean, it was recycled, sappy, and boring movie soundtrack material…like a Diane Warren song, but minus the hook.

They talked about next week, because the final four were going to be whisked off in a private jet right after the show to Memphis to work with Tommy Mottola at Graceland. If anything, they’ve got to be excited about a free trip to the home of Elvis. Idols, if you are reading this at all, make sure you try the ribs at Rendezvous in downtown Memphis. Mandisa might even make the 3-hour drive from Nashville to meet you there.

Anyway, after telling Taylor Hicks and Chris Daughtry that they were safe, Ryan let Paris know she was one of the bottom 2, and then had her sing Prince’s “Kiss” again. I have to say, she sounded better last night than she did on Tuesday. Plus, we got to see her have a microphone malfunction and have Seacrest following her around like a puppy. Now THAT’s good TV and good use of a lame host.

That left Elliott and Katharine, and Elliott learned he was in the bottom 2 with Paris, so had to go and sing again as well. Then we found out, almost anti-climactically, that Paris was the one going home.

So that leaves a final four this season of Taylor Hicks, Chris Daughtry, Katharine McPhee, and Elliot Yamin. That’s a solid group of singers right there….but as we’ve seen, all four have their faults and the next few weeks are going to be interesting. I’m still putting my money on Mr. Hicks, but everyone should bring their “A” game next week, especially after being inspired by the ghost of Elvis.

Vandalay, OUT.

Don’t drink and drive, kids…

…Or you may end up with a gun shot wound to the stomach as a parting gift from the producers of “Lost.” Is this the message ABC is sending Michelle Rodriquez and Cynthia Watros for the negative press the network received on behalf of the girl’s bad behavior? If not, that’s some pretty ironic shit, especially considering this week’s Ana Lucia flashback episode dealt with the relationship between her and Jack’s alcoholic father.

And before I get off track, let us not forget that it was Michael (back from his reconnaissance mission to the Others camp) who did the shooting, also turning the gun on himself right in front of Creepy Balloon Guy. Now, I highly doubt that Michael is one of Them, but does it seem foolish to think that he’s made a deal with the Others guaranteeing the safe return of Walt? Personally, I think the series has gotten way out of hand. These pointless double-crosses seem tailor-made for Sweeps Month, or why else would Michael (who we know darn well was on that plane) be working for the bad guys?

Then again, are They really all that bad? Locke doesn’t seem to think so, especially after hearing about Creepy Balloon Guy’s mission to bring him (“one of the good ones”) back to the Others’ camp. With only a couple weeks left before the season finale, it’ll be interesting to see how the survivors react to the loss of two more castaways, as well as how Michael’s role on the island changes.

Rosie prohibited from cutting hair for the good of America

Just after signing on to take over for Meredith Viera on “The View,” Rosie O’Donnell’s agents informed her that, as part of the deal, she is prohibited from cutting her hair…because we all know what happens when Rosie goes to the barber on her own:

rosiehaircut

Of course, Rosie’s diplomatic publicist assures us that the no-hair-cutting proviso is a “standard clause” in television contracts, and not something designed to prevent the once-and-future daytime queen from frightening small children with the look we might once have referred to as “the linebacker mullet.”

In addition to the requirement that Rosie maintain her longer, less overtly masculine hairstyle, other “standard clauses” in her contract prohibit her from:

– Mentioning her completely unconvincing and gag-inducing crush on Tom Cruise
– Continuing to buy her entire wardrobe at Wal-Mart
– Writing haikus of any kind, on any topic
– Eating any of “The View’s” VIP guests (B-listers are fine, if eaten sparingly); and
– Having sex with women

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