Are you a fan of the now defunct “Chappelle’s Show”? Of course you are, right?
Then check out this Chappelle’s Show soundboard from Comedy Central. There are clips from Tron (“Nighty night, keep your butthole tight!”), Tyrone (“Y’all act like crack is so wrong”), Sam Jackson (“It’ll get ya drunk!”), L’il John (“WHAT?! OKAAAAYY!!”) and, of course, Rick James (“I wish I had more hands…so I could give those titties four thumbs down”).
Ah, memories.
Last night’s “Idol Gives Back” results show started off with Ryan Seacrest claiming that this would be the “most shocking result” in the history of the show. Surely he didn’t mean Melinda was going home? Or Jordin Sparks, after that awesome performance on Tuesday? I have to admit, I was scared.
Then they cut over to Ellen DeGeneres, who was the satellite co-host to a plethora of musical artists, and there was an otherwise star-studded group of guest performers and visitors. It was a long show, and I promise you I’ll try to sum it up in as few words as possible.
Musical guests who performed live: Earth, Wind & Fire, Il Divo, Rascal Flatts, Josh Groban with an African children’s choir, Kelly Clarkson with Jeff Beck, Celine Dion with the ghost of Elvis, and Annie Lennox. EWF was awesome, Josh Groban makes me irritated and I’m not sure why, and Kelly Clarkson was as good as I’ve ever heard her….and proved that she could still blow away anyone else who’s ever won this thing. Oh, and a word on Il Divo…I’d never seen these guys before….but really, who wants to watch four opera singers doing pop? Big freaking yawn-fest.
They also showed the judges visiting various places like Africa, and battered parts of America such as New Orleans….it was all heartfelt, riveting and frightening at the same time. But then, the show on this night was a telethon so this is what they had to do.
Quincy Jones and Bono both had their chances to work with the Idol contestants. Jones wrote a song specifically for this show, and the Idols performed it…and it was, as you would expect, really great. Bono coached them but they didn’t show him until the end of the show, and they performed another group song as the show ended. (And for the whole show, the contestants were dressed as the Good Humor Man…what was that all about?).
Meanwhile, other folks who made random appearances were Ben Stiller, who gave us a terrifying rendition of The Little River Band’s “Reminiscing” in various segments, trying to raise millions of dollars in the process. Dude also gave a shout out to Pure Prairie League….oddly enough, I am that band’s publicist. Ben, the check is in the mail.
They showed both Madonna and Carrie Underwood in Africa, with Underwood performing The Pretenders’ “Stand By You” to a bunch of kids there. I’m not sure why, but it was mildly disturbing.
Jack Black got up on the main stage and sang Seal’s “Kiss From a Rose,” and then asked for the judges to honestly critique him. The best was Simon, who said it was better than Sanjaya, but then it got funnier. Seal was actually sitting next to Randy Jackson! That was probably the highlight of the show…sorry, Elvis.
There was also a video of a bunch of celebs singing “Stayin’ Alive,” including Teri Hatcher, David Schwimmer, Lisa Kudrow, Hugh Grant, and that’s about all I remember.
Okay, now for the shocking results. Throughout the show, the contestants were brought to safety one by one. First, Melinda. Big sigh of relief. Then, Blake. I was surprised there. Then, Phil. Good for him. Then, Lakisha. Uh-oh. That left Chris and Jordin. And all of a sudden, my wife says, “maybe the shocker is that no one gets eliminated.” Why, yes, that’s it! I agreed and knew it was coming, and that’s what happened. Chris was safe, leaving Jordin, but then Ryan said Jordin was safe too. Which means the votes are carried over and we have double elimination next week.
I think they said they raised like $30 million by the end of the show, and I’m sure that at least doubled by the end of the night. Good for them, as that much money really has to make some kind of difference somewhere.
But now back to reality, and back to the competition……Phil, Blake, Chris, Lakisha…….you’ve got a 50/50 chance next week of being eliminated. So bring your A game. See you all then…
The title of tonight’s post (as well as tonight’s episode) refers to the medial term for “Date of Conception,” which, for someone like Sun, holds a lot of weight in her current situation. If the baby was conceived before she arrived on the island, it’s not Jin’s (but rather bald Korean dude’s). If it was conceived after arriving, then not only is it a miracle (because Jin was diagnosed as being infertile), but it means that Sun is more or less guaranteed to die. She learns all this through Juliet who, despite clearly working for the Others, can’t help but help the distressed mother-to-be.
In order to check up on her current status, Juliet escorts Sun to a secret room in the medial complex previously discovered by Kate and Claire. It’s there that Sun realizes the lose-lose situation she’s been thrust into, but if Jin’s sperm count can be magically increases by just residing on the island, than I can’t help but think that Sun has a fighting chance. Of course, Juliet may have other plans for Sun – or at least that’s what we’re being led to believe after she returned to the medical hatch to record a message for Ben disclosing all the details about the miracle pregnancy.
We also got another glimpse into Sun’s past to discover, well, nothing very exciting. As soon as I saw the woman bribing her with the threat of revealing the true identities of Jin’s parents, I knew that it was his supposedly dead mother. It turns out she was a prostitute back in the day, and though she gave birth to Jin, it turns out she doesn’t give a damn about him. Jin’s father (who Sun also visits in the flashback) feels a little differently, and we learn that while he never knew if Jin really was his son, he still raised him like one. Boo hoo, we don’t care.
Moving on to more exciting things, the A-Team – that’s my new name for Desmond (Hannibal), Charlie (Faceman, though this should really be Sawyer), Jin (Mr. T) and Hurley (Howling Mad) – have just found the mystery woman up in the trees only to discover that she’s dying from a fatal wound in her side. And just as Desmond sets off to find help, Mikhail (AKA Eye-Patch Man) accidentally crosses their path. Wait a minute. Isn’t this guy supposed to be dead? Hurley sure thinks so, and he even mentions this fact to Mikhail, only to get no answer in return. Hmm, maybe the electric fence is just a sham, but that wouldn’t exactly explain how it stopped the smoke monster a few weeks back.
Anyway, with Mikhail in their possession, Desmond makes a deal that will allow him to go free as long as he helps with the mystery woman. He lives up to his end of the deal and the A-Team let him go, but Jin chases him down soon after to discover that Mikhail has stolen the inoperative SAT phone. You gotta love Jin. Dude always knows when things aren’t right, and he’s probably the best fighter of all the men on the island. While Desmond and Jin deal with the situation, Hurley gets a little face time with the mystery girl, and after mentioning that he’s one of many survivors from a plane crash, she looks at him in absolute disbelief. It seems that the Oceanic Flight 815 crash site has already been discovered, but everyone was dead.
We already know that the Purgatory theory has been officially rejected by the show’s writers, and it no longer makes sense now that we’ve been introduced to Juliet, so what the hell is going on? I’m sure we’ll have to wait until the season finale to find out, but that only makes the buildup that much sweeter.
Well, there you have it. Rosie O’Donnell is not coming back for another season of “The View.” Discuss amongst yourselves.
(Sadly, she has promised to keep her frightening blog going indefinitely.)
Note to Alec Baldwin: next time don’t be a complete jackass and have a meltdown on your daughter that can be spread like herpes online. Got it? Good. Oh yeah, and stop your whining about acting as well. Baldwin has asked NBC to get out of his contract for “30 Rock,” but the network has denied his request. Take your lumps and deal with it, Alec. You’re lucky they want you badly enough for their hit show and think you’re actually an integral part of it (which is true). But oh no, instead you hit everyone with lines like “If I never acted again I couldn’t care less and “I’ve had enough of this quite frankly to last me a lifetime, especially in the modern tabloid world and … there’s a bigger thing I want to do, there’s a more important thing I want to do.” Sorry, no do-overs for you. Now take your paycheck and be happy.
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