It’s a fairly well known fan joke that “Timelash” is an accidental anagram of “lame shit.” The story has the reputation of being the nadir of the already dodgy Colin Baker era of “Doctor Who,” but it’s a reputation that may not be entirely deserved. Thing is, “Timelash” is the sort of fare that’s so bad it manages to swing back around into the “can’t take your eyes off the car wreck” arena. It’s gaudy, weird, over the top, and has probably three too many elements thrown into a mix that’s already failing to gel. The Doctor and Peri (Nicola Bryant, wearing the classiest attire she was given during her time in the TARDIS) arrive on the planet Karfel. A political coup is in progress, led by Maylin Tekker (played by Paul Darrow, late of “Blake’s 7,” at his hammiest) and orchestrated by a deformed dictator known only as the Borad. The Karfelons are at war with the Bandrils – cobra-like creatures, clearly high on something and achieved via a rubber hand puppet (only one is ever shown). Like many a classic “Who” story, Karfel looks to be less of a planet and more of a confined citadel; the sets are brightly overlit and the cheap costumes came from the back of the closet. Into all this garishness are thrown green androids who’ve seemingly inhaled ample doses of helium, brontosaurus-like creatures called Morlox, and a young, idealistic writer from 19th century Earth named Herbert, who is transfixed by the Karfelon Vena (um, “Weena”…stop me if you see where this is going…) The Borad at one point actually says, “Choose your next words carefully, Doctor. They could be your last!” As I watched, my wife, much to my amusement, asked if they were saying “Borat.” Sacha Baron Cohen’s antics would indeed have been an amusing addition, although they couldn’t possibly have made the proceedings any more surreal. Yup, “Timelash” earns the honor of being the absolute best of bad ‘80s “Doctor Who”…and the disc includes a doc called “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” that pretty much confirms this review.
