Category: Humor (Page 7 of 74)

James Franco explains today’s weather

There’s a bit of a let-up happening at the moment right where I am, but we’re told that all of us here in this place where they make the movies have another day or so to look forward to of constant wetness. This is strange and oddly creepy to those of us acclimated to desert climes. However, it’s not quite like rain is unknown here. As the song says,

It never rains in [Southern] California, but, girl, don’t they warn ya’, it pours, man, it pours.

What Albert Hammond was trying so hard to explain to all of you non-SoCalers back in the day was that we usually get about 1-2 weeks of solid, uninterrupted rain, but it’s usually in February-May sometime. The result: higher consumption of microwave popcorn and TCM, and some very dissatisfied tourists.

Now, reporter types tell us that the reason we have to put up with the usual mud slide dangers, terrible driving, and odd cases of sudden unexplained depression caused by this weird thing that happens when water falls from the sky so early in the year has to do with a Hawaii-based meteorological phenomenon know as “the Pineapple Express.” Okay, it’s true other reporter types tell us this weather system is actually really coming from Asia, but “Rice Express” doesn’t have the same ring.

And, so, from the film of the similar name, James Franco explains it all to a credulous Seth Rogen as well as it’s relation to a high quality variant of a highly popular medicinal herb. It’s all very scientific and, of course, NSFW for bad language, drug humor, and a reference to babies having sex, “God’s vagina,” and engineering of an illegal nature.

Kristen Wiig follow-up: SNL got the memo

If you type “Kristen Wiig sucks” into Google, the very first link you will see is to a piece I wrote. I am not proud of this.

Here’s the back story: in February of last year, I wrote a rant where I complained about the overexposure of Wiig, who was at one time my favorite new “SNL” cast member. But the exposure itself wasn’t the problem – it was Wiig’s tendency to play characters that, if they showed up at a party you were at, you would leave the party. She never played anyone sweet, or friendly, or even just strange. Her characters all had one thing in common: they were incredibly annoying. And they were in every other skit. I’d had enough, and so I posted “Memo to Saturday Night Live: Kristen Wiig must be stopped.” I wish I had posted that one to Reddit. It would have been huge, though at 162 comments and counting (they’re still coming in, 21 months later), it is easily the biggest response we’ve gotten to anything posted on this site, though John Paulsen’s companion piece, “Gilly: The unfunniest returning SNL character…ever,” is not far behind.

And that’s why I feel so awful. I never intended to be the lightning rod for the ‘Kristen Wiig sucks’ movement, because she doesn’t suck. She’s actually very talented, but has a weakness for playing obnoxious people. But silly me, I should have known that the commenters of the world would not have been as level-headed in their remarks as I attempted to be in my piece. The first wave of comments were all pro-Kristen, telling me I didn’t “get” her (one of my favorite comment cliches, because it’s mostly used when there’s nothing to “get”) or that I had no sense of humor. Slowly, though, people started rallying in my defense, and now, well, it’s a bloodbath. One commenter even said, “I typed ‘Kristen Wiig sucks’ into Google, found this piece.” My first reaction to that was, “Wow, I wish I had the free time to do that.” My second reaction was, “Shit. This is not what I wanted.” All I wanted was for the show to have more balance, and for Wiig to tone down the ‘does it offend you, yeah’ factor to her characters. Bring the “Two A-Holes” skit back, or have her do more impressions (she does a dead perfect Bjork).

Well, she’s still not doing impressions – and the “Two A-Holes” skits remain inexplicably shelved – but it appears that my other prayers have been answered this season. I just watched the episode that Scarlett Johannson hosted, and Kristen had one lead skit (the one-upping Penelope). One. In everything else, she was a co-lead or not in the scene at all, and for me, it made for a much more enjoyable viewing experience, especially since it opens up space for “The Miley Cyrus Show” (my new favorite recurring skit) and Jay Pharoah, who’s got ‘breakout star’ written all over him. If I’m lucky, I’ll never have to see another skit featuring Jamie Lee Curtis, Kathi Lee Gifford, the woman who can’t keep a secret, and if I’m really lucky, this woman.

Man, is she painful to watch. Ha ha, let’s laugh at the cripple. Jesus.

So thank you, “Saturday Night Live,” for righting the ship. You are now a hundred times more watchable than you were just a few months ago. And Kristen, I’m sorry that my piece became the sounding board for some malicious comments. I just wanted my TV to be more funny. And now it is. Ahhhhhh.

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