Category: Gossip (Page 32 of 50)

The Hoff gets no love

the hoff

Still recovering from the brutal, unprovoked attack by a gymnasium chandelier that put him in the hospital last week, David Hasselhoff suffered further indignity in London recently when the security staff at Wimbledon was insufficiently blinded by the luster of his faded glory.

Despite not having a ticket to the match in question, Hasselhoff allegedly badgered the security guards for admittance while “steaming drunk,” yelling: “You should let me in. Do you know who I am? I’m the Hoff!”

After regaling his foes with the many virtues of “Baywatch,” “Knight Rider,” and his international singing career, the Hoff was finally admitted to Wimbledon…once a friend of his bought him a ticket.

If you listen closely, you can hear Flavor Flav weeping…

Brigitte Nielsen – who was destined to remain a long-legged, large-breasted footnote of the ’80s until she scored an extra 15 minutes of fame by appearing on “The Surreal Life” – has married for the 5th time.

The “lucky” fellow this time around is one Mattia Dessi, who’s listed in the Yahoo! article about the marriage as a “former model”; he must not have been a very good one, however, since Nielsen’s Wikipedia entry refers to Dessi as a barman. From model to bartender to a has-been’s boy toy. Gee, is that moving up or down the corporate ladder…?

Yo ho ho and a…what the fug?

To commemorate the opening of “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest,” we bring you this gem from our friends at Go Fug Yourself. A brief excerpt of the purported conversation between the lovely Ms. Knightley and her date appears below:

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY: So, I’ve just bought these pink amateur-stripper shoes and I’m simply dying to take them out on the town.

OILY ORLANDO BLOOM LOOKALIKE WHO COULD BE HER BOYFRIEND RUPERT BUT MAY ACTUALLY BE ORLANDO BLOOM FOR ALL I KNOW: Oh, Kee, that’s SUPER. Whatever will you wear with them?

KEIRA: I’m not sure, but I do think it’s smashing how your profile looks so much like Luke Perry’s.

OOBLWCBHBRBMABOBFAIK: He is my everything.

KEIRA: I do reckon he’d have washed his hair a bit, though. Look, pay attention to me again, okay? The shoes. I’ve already got the skort suit to go with them, and it’s pretty spectacular. It looks like a Bed In A Bag set.

OOBLWCBHBRBMABOBFAIK: Well done, you. There isn’t a girl alive who isn’t cringing at how many of those she bought back in the 90s, and how fooled they all were by culottes. Making people uncomfortable is totally principle No. 1 of Siennaing yourself. Well played. …

Click here to read the full exchange, and have a happy Pirates’ weekend. Yaaaaarrrrgh!

Almost as impressive as the return of Dr. Noah Drake

To celebrate the 25th anniversary of one of the most monumental moments in the history of soap operas – or as I like to call them, “my stories” – Genie Francis is returning to “General Hospital” to play Laura Spencer.

Actually, I’d never seen a single episode of the show until earlier this year, when my wife watched Rick Springfield make his dramatic return to the show, but even as an 11-year-old, I remember all the hoopla when Luke and Laura got married.

Francis has left the show on several occasions, most recently in 2002; at that time, her character has suffered a mental breakdown after she killed her father, and she’s been living at a psychiatric hospital in a catatonic state…as far as you know.

No word yet on what the plot will involve, but it’s fair to presume that, at the very least, Laura gets better.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…

katecoke

Kate Moss has been reinstated as spokesmodel for for conservative British fashion house Burberry following allegations of cocaine abuse.

Despite having disgraced herself and, by association, the many fashion brands in whose ads she has appeared, Supermodel Kate Moss will appear in the fall/winter campaign for Burberry.

Said a Burberry spokesman, “She seemed a natural fit for our new line of ski wear…after all, when people think of snow, they think of Kate Moss.”

And besides, a new Burberry coat costs about as much as a bag of high-quality blow…so there’s clearly some target-audience synergy going on there.

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