“No, seriously: I’ve got a gun.”
Suffice it to say that Kevin Federline’s place is nowhere in the vicinity of Lindsay Lohan…but that didn’t stop him from hitting on her. K-Fed reportedly sent Lohan a text message saying “We should hang out,” to which Lohan diplomatically responded, “Why would I hang out with you?”
So, does this fall under “You can’t blame a guy for trying”…or, “You, sir, have reached glorious new heights of self-delusion”?
You be the judge.
Fans of NBC’s “Heroes” may be surprised to learn that the character of Zach, the recently brainwashed best friend to indestructible cheerleader Claire Bennet, is not gay.
He used to be gay, at least according to this interview with series creator Tim Kring…but now the official line [beware possible spoiler if you click the link] of both NBC and the management of actor Thomas Dekker (who plays Zach) is that Zach is, was, and always will be as straight as the day is long.
So, what caused the shift? Is Dekker nervous about being typecast at such a young age? Is his management driving the change? Or is NBC brass still uptight about portraying gay characters on television — despite the success of that little NBC show called “Will & Grace”? You know, the one that ran for eight years, won over a dozen Emmys, and pulled in millions of dollars in advertising revenue…all while featuring multiple gay characters front and center?
Whatever the reason, the news is disappointing. The character has been established a certain way, and the show’s ratings and advertiser support to date would suggest that Zach’s sexual orientation has been a non-issue. Ironically, it will likely now become an issue, simply by virtue of the network’s having called attention to it.
Sigh.
Don’t you want to play whack-a-mole with this Weasel?
Yep, it’s true. According to Odessa police, as reported by TMZ.com, Pauly’s on-stage assault in the Lone Star State was just a hoax, presumably engineered to glean some much-needed publicity for a comedian who, let’s face it, has never actually been funny:
The Odessa, Texas Police Department claims that an officer “had met with Mr. Shore prior to his set, and was asked to participate in the skit. The officer stated that the skit went as designed and that Shore was not injured in the designed skit.”
While of course I’m disappointed to have been hoodwinked by The Weasel, of all people, this new revelation just makes the story all the stranger. What did Pauly hope to accomplish with his little prank? And did he really think no one would find out?
Don’t know, don’t care. All I know is that, intentionally or otherwise, Pauly has now created a deep-seated desire among people the world over to see someone land a giant ham-hock fist squarely in his face. The people will not rest until they get their due. Who will rise to the challenge?
Fans worried about Nicole Richie’s ongoing struggle to gain weight can rest easy in the knowledge that the Incredible Shrinking Starlet drank more than her share of calories before driving home (in the wrong direction, on a highway) Monday morning.
Police reports indicate that the 5’1”, 85-pound celebutante also confessed to smoking marijuana and taking Vicodin prior to her freeway freestyling display. Nutritionists hypothesize that Richie was hoping that a pot-induced attack of the munchies would result in additional fleshing out of her bony frame, and that the Vicodin would then block out the pain of no longer being able to see each and every one of her ribs.
No word yet on whether Richie’s unusual weight-gain strategies have been successful.
If you had asked me back in 1992, following my viewing of the breathtaking piece of filmmaking that is “Encino Man,” whether there would ever come a day when I would not want to see Pauly Shore get punched in the face, I would have said no.
No hesitation, no need to think about it — because, really, what’s not to love about watching somebody pop “the Weasel” in the schnozz?
Well, actually…a lot, if you watch this video from a recent standup performance in the thriving metropolis of Odessa, Texas. Shore gets heckled by an audience member, tells the guy to f– off…and then gets hassled by the rest of the audience for trying to keep the crowd under control so he can continue with his show. One member of said crowd — a guy in a cowboy hat who looks as though he ate two Paulies for lunch, with a side order of Carrot Top — then climbs onstage (unimpeded by the Odessa comedy club’s crack security squad) and, baited by the audience, proceeds to deck the scrawny comedian.
Ouch. I never thought I’d wind up on the same side of the fence as a guy who has annoyed the crap out of me for years…but that’s messed up, right there. The video has already been removed from multiple sites, so check it out now while you still can.
And then say a little prayer for the Weez.
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