And my, aren’t there a bunch? For your reading pleasure, A full list of actors and actresses who tried their damndest to be superheroes, and just fell on their asses. Most of the list is a no-brainer, but I didn’t even know Shaq went from Kazaam to Steel! That’s pretty big news. Actually, I think Aries Spears doing an impression of Shaq trying to be a superhero would be a bigger draw than Shaq himself. I’d go see it, anyway.
Category: Actresses (Page 236 of 258)
Although I’m not sure how secret it is when it’s all over the net. Still, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are opting for the “secret honeymoon” package. No one knows where they are! I can give you a hint: be sure to check every Botox joint in the area to see if Kidman’s checked in recently. There’s nothing better than having a face full of non-expressive emotions. You know how she is with her face. According to the story,
“Her publicist said the 39-year-old actress was made so emotional by the attention[from fans regarding her wedding], she had to be taken into a separate room to regain her composure and have her makeup reapplied before walking down the aisle, The Sydney Morning Herald reported.”
I wonder if she has a little Mary Kay kit with Botox in it.
He hasn’t started shoplifting. And it’s not his new goth hairdo–which makes him look more like Clay Aiken via k.d. lang, anyway. No, Jared has been crowned the new Winona because he just can’t seem to keep himself from seducing all the hot new names in Hollywood…no matter where they’ve been.
Granted, Winona mostly restricts herself to grungy musician types (think Dave Pirner, Evan Dando, Dave Grohl, and Beck…among many, many, many, many, many others)…but aren’t rock stars about as Hollywood as they come? And don’t forget, she’s the real reason behind that “Wino Forever” tattoo on the arm of one Johnny Depp, once the king of young Hollywood.
As for Jared, we cut him plenty of slack when he was linked with Cameron Diaz back in the day. Who wouldn’t want to hit that? We gave him a waiver for his dalliance with Scarlett Johannsen for the same reason.
But Jared has also been linked with the likes of a pre-K-Fed Britney Spears; Ashley Olsen; Lindsay Lohan…and, most recently, Jessica Simpson.
The expression “a kid in a candy store” comes to mind…but Jared, just because you can have all the candy you want doesn’t mean you’re supposed to grab the stuff that has fallen on the floor and been passed around the room a few times. Be at least a little choosy. Your body will thank you for it later.
And yet, despite their similarities, Jared is probably the most envied man in Hollywood right now…while Winona is just a dirty, dirty whore.
I didn’t know he even knew how, but according to The National Enquirer, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are already busy working on having a second kid. Satan laughs with delight once again just as he did for Don McLean in “American Pie.” Only, this time Buddy Holly hasn’t died. Jesus has just decided to personally lock The Cruiser out of heaven Himself. Amen.
Eva Longoria plans to write an erotic novel, according to reports quoted in The Book Standard:
“They offered a huge deal and I like the idea of seeing my book on a shelf,” she said on the website. “The plot’s top secret so far but let’s just say I have a wild imagination.”
Far be it from us to question the erotic power of Ms. Longoria’s “wild” imagination — or the marketability of the end product, for that matter — but we still can’t help wondering whether this latest addition to our nation’s proud literary heritage will include not only a shirtless lawn boy half the heroine’s age, but ALSO a beguilingly feisty parking lot attendant.
Only time will tell.
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