Author: Will Harris (Page 228 of 261)

Will is a member of the Television Critics Association and has written for Decider.com, the Onion A.V. Club, The Dissolve, Indiewire, Rhino.com, TV Week Magazine, The Virginian-Pilot, Popdose.com, and EW.com along with writing for Bullz-Eye.com and Premium Hollywood.

You must be pulling my udder…

In this week’s “Answer Man” column, Roger Ebert receives an E-mail from a reader who just heard about the upcoming animated film, “Barnyard,” and is concerned that America’s already-existing reputation on the world front as being full of a bunch of dimbulbs will only be made worse by the fact that “the brain trust behind this movie spent a fortune to animate ‘cows’ with very prominent udders — all of which are dubbed with MALE VOICES.”

Indeed, Ebert confirms this. “Good gravy! I looked at the trailer, and saw a cow, its udder clearly visible, speaking in a male voice. The cows in the movie include Otis (Kevin James), Eddie (S. Scott Bullock), Budd (John DiMaggio) and Ben (gravel-voiced Sam Elliott). There is one girl cow, Bessie, voiced by Wanda Sykes. I’d like to hit Bessie for the 411 on wassup up with those he-cows.”

You just know that there’s some producer surrounded by yes-men who said, “Nobody knows that only female cows have udders, am I right?”

You bet, C.B.!

Aaron Spelling has died.

I’m not even going to attempt to write a proper obituary for this television legend. (Read this one if you must.) I’ll just list some of the shows he’s been involved in as producer or executive producer; that alone should explain why you offer him the respect he’s due and offer him an appropriate farewell.

Daniel Boone
The Mod Squad
The Rookies
S.W.A.T.
Starsky & Hutch
Family
Charlie’s Angels
The Love Boat
Fantasy Island
Vega$
Hart to Hart
Dynasty
T.J. Hooker
Hotel
Beverly Hills 90210
Melrose Place
The Heights
Charmed
7th Heaven

How’s that for a resume?
Adios, Aaron; thanks for the lifetime of reruns you leave behind.
Oh, yeah, and for Tori, too, I suppose…

Better men than him have tried…

…but good luck to Zach Snyder (director of the surprisingly effective 2004 remake of “Dawn of the Dead”), who’s set to be the latest sacrificial lamb to be slaughtered on the altar of “Watchmen.”

Snyder has been attached to direct the film adaptation of Alan Moore’s graphic novel about the dark side of superheroes. But, then again, so were Terry Gilliam, Darren Aronofsky, and Paul Greengrass at various times over the last decade or more, and they all bailed out. So let’s not anyone hold their breath until something…ANYTHING…actually gets filmed.

The latest on the return of “Futurama”

After various rumors about new episodes versus straight-to-DVD releases, it’s now been confirmed that “Futurama” is indeed returning to television…but it’s neither to its original network (Fox) nor to where its gained its post-cancellation popularity (Cartoon Network).

No, sir, it’s going to Comedy Central. 13 new episodes of the show will be premiering in 2008…which is a hell of a long time to maintain one’s excitement, admittedly, but, dammit, I think the fans are up to the task.

Neidermeyer still can’t control a toga party to save his life

A party at the Libby Montana restaurant in Mequon, Wisconsin – owned by actor Mark Metcalf, who played Neidermeyer in the classic comedy “Animal House” (not to mention a stern, disapproving adult in two separate Twisted Sister videos) – got so darned rowdy that the authorities had to be called.

In an article on the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel website, it was reported that, “According to a police report, one officer found what ‘appeared to be a pair of male feet and a pair of what appeared to be female feet’ inside a stall in the women’s restroom. The male feet were those of an 18-year-old Whitefish Bay man who was sitting on the toilet wearing only ‘tennis shoes and a bathrobe.’ He had vomited on himself and did so two or three more times before his parents arrived to pick him up, the report says. The bathrobe, apparently, was this man’s version of a toga.”

Now that’s a party.

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