Author: Jason Thompson (Page 60 of 67)

Awww yeah. Looks like Heather Locklear is finally getting rid of Richie Sambora. I never understood what kept their marriage going for so long, but now I don’t have to wonder any more. What do you think my chances are of snagging her? Better or worse than getting a date with Jessica Alba? I’ll take either one. Gimme some lovin’, dammit!

Well kids, it looks like Jessisca Alba is the chick the guys want the most, according to an AskMen.com list of the 99 most wanted babes. Failing to make the list for the first time this year is Britney Spears. That’s not so surprising to me, considering I never found Spears to be the least bit attractive. That trailer trash quality always hit me smack in the face way before it did anyone else, I ‘spose. Alba, on the other hand, is certainly one fine mama I’d gladly take home to mom, if dear old mom wasn’t dead and I wasn’t married and…oh yeah, Jessica would actually even want me to take her home let alone give me the time of day. Ah well, a man can always dream.

Oh, Natasha, why hast thou fallen? Did you even notice she’s been gone? Well now Lyonne has an arrest warrant out for failing to appear in court. Apparently she threatened to sexually molest her neighbor’s dog amongst other charges. Wow. That’s really setting the bar high. If you’re gonna go, go big, I say! Lyonne was also treated for heroin addiction, psychiatric problems, and had also been living on the street. Now no one knows where she is once again. I always considered Natahsa to be a funky actress, and now she has proven that her personal life is way funkier. I can smell the funk from here.

Whew. For a minute there I thought we were going to be deprived of Lindsay Lohan news for far too long, but as luck would have it she’s back with us again. This time Lindsay has returned to the hospital thanks to a shin-slicing incident. Seems she was stepping out of the shower with her teacup when she slipped and dropped the cup, a chunk of which found its way to tearing up her leg. My only question is who the hell drinks tea while showering? Or was she bathing? Or was she cleaning the soap scum from the tiles? Tea and showers don’t mix, kids, so let this be a serious lesson to you all.