Poor Teri Hatcher. First Ryan Seacrest and now this. Hatcher suffered an eye injury when a light bulb exploded near it on the set of “Desperate Housewives.”
“Glass lodged in my right eye and proceeded to scratch my cornea,” sez Teri. Yeah. Is it just me or is Hatcher just one of the luckiest actresses ever? Anyone who can survive “Lois & Clark” and those Radio Shack commercials has to have someone silently humping a horseshoe for her somewhere.
It’s about time somebody finally did this. “Lost” star Michelle Rodriguez pleaded guilty to DUI and chose to pay 500 bucks and spend five days in jail rather than waste time doing 240 hours of community service. Atta girl, Michelle. She’s already on a three year probation for committing three traffic violations in 2004. What’s next? Plowing her car into a service station while smoking and drinking at the same time? This drama’s more exciting than “Lost” itself.
Thank L. Ron Hubbard. Don’t thank God, as He didn’t have anything to do with It. But fellow Scientologist flakes John Travolta and Anne Archer are lending support for the cult’s approved method of silent birthing. ‘Cause you know, any of those loud sounds that a baby picks up before birth can have a big negative effect on it later in life. So what about all those other loud sounds in daily life that aren’t human voices? You know, like the sounds of keyboards such as this one merrily tapping away in cynical glee of a hopeful and expected demise of this whole Tomkat charade? Well, I suppose the baby really is safe, as there hasn’t been any thunderous applause for its robot mommy and alien father for some years now. But hey, Anne Archer…yeah, that’s some really super back catching there.
David Spade and Heather Locklear? OK, hell must have officially frozen over. All I can say is, “what the fuck?” Mr. Spade, I believe I was in line before you. How you managed to not only get in front of me, but also managed to woo Ms. Locklear is beyond me. I hope you enjoy all that hot, greasy sex, you undeserving man. “The Benchwarmers” better be hella good. Yes, I actually just did say “hella.” Christ.
Lest ye be wanting some trouble. And trouble it is for director John McTiernan, who is charged with lying to the feds in a case against “celebrity sleuth” Anthony Pellicano. Seems the director of “The Hunt For Red October” wantes some wiretapping done, but denied any knowledge of it when the big boys came a-knockin’. Pellicano himself faces up to 20 years for racketeering charges. Some of the famous names Pellicano has illegally wiretapped include Kevin Nealon and Garry Shandling. Wow. Who the hell needed those two guys spied upon? Mike Douglas and Carrot Top? Yeesh.
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