Author: Jason Zingale (Page 43 of 154)

The Mutant Chronicles

Movies like “The Mutant Chronicles” are difficult to critique, because even though they may not be very good, you still have to respect their ability to create something from nothing. Shot on a shoestring budget with some of the best B-movie actors in the business, the film takes place in 2707 as corporations wage battle over the planet’s dwindling resources. When a mutant army is accidentally released during the heat of battle, however, a monk named Brother Samuel (Ron Perlman) enlists the help of seven soldiers (including Thomas Jane and Devon Aoki) to travel into the core of the Earth and destroy the machine responsible for creating the mutants. It’s essentially “Lord of the Rings” for the steampunk set, right down to the fellowship of nine and the orc-like mutants they battle along the way. Unfortunately, though the story sets up some cool action sequences, the experience is marred by D-grade special effects. You can almost always tell when the actors are working in front of a green screen, and the CG blood looks like it was added using Paint Shop Pro. Fans of campy sci-movies will no doubt appreciate the low production values and so-cheesy-it’s-funny dialogue (“I don’t get paid to believe. I get paid to fuck shit up.”), but for everyone else, “The Mutant Chronicles” is probably best ignored.

Click to buy “The Mutant Chronicles”

Entourage 6.4 – Runnin’ on E

I’m sure some people will look at the title of tonight’s episode and crack a joke about how “Entourage” isn’t as good as it used to be, but not every episode can be as good as the one from last week. There are bound to be shows of the filler variety every once and a while (it’s the nature of the series), just like Eric isn’t always going to be as busy as he’d like. Unfortunately, with Vince’s Ferrari movie pushed back 12 weeks due to pre-production troubles, not to mention Eric’s decision to pull out of producing duties on Charlie’s sitcom, the Murphy Group has become a dead zone. Vince suggests Eric join him on a trip to Paris, but he’d rather just hang around the office with Ashley, leaving Vince to sex up waitresses and surf the web (“How come you’re not on this Facebook thing?”) to keep busy. In the end, however, Eric decides to shut down the Murphy Group for good, and I must say that I’m a little disappointed. I hope that doesn’t mean Eric will stop managing altogether, because he’s easily the show’s most interesting character.

The other two guys didn’t have much to do this week, either. Turtle was stuck shopping for back-to-school clothes with Jamie-Lynn, while Drama spent the day auditioning girls (read: making out with hot models) for his character’s new love interest on “Five Towns.” What could have been a great subplot for Kevin Dillon, though, quickly turned into typical Drama shenanigans. Upset over the lack of talent in the pool of candidates, Drama demands they audition real actresses for the role, and even visits Ed Burns with the suggestion that they go after Natalie Portman or Rachel McAdams. I find it hard to believe that Drama is so stupid that he would expect the network to chase down A-list talent for a brief kissing scene, but he gets his wish nonetheless when he begs Turtle to convince Jamie-Lynn to do the role. Granted, Meadow Soprano is certainly no Natalie Portman or Rachel McAdams, but she’s definitely a step up in quality.

It’s not exactly the kind of stuff that will affect the overall arc of the season, though, so it’s a good thing that Jeremy Piven is still around to save the day. It may be the writers who are responsible for giving the actor such great material, but I’ll be damned if he doesn’t knock it out of the park every time. Ari has grown so much as a character over the last two seasons, and now that he’s trying to run a successful business and be a good husband, father and friend, the stress is really starting to show. I don’t know how much longer Ari is going to be able to play babysitter to Andrew, and quite frankly, the subplot is beginning to show signs of wear.

For the time being, it seems like the affair really is over, but now that Andrew’s officially left his wife, will he just go running back to junior agent Lizzie? And just who exactly ended the affair in the first place? From the way Lizzie “manned up” to Ari and apologized to him in person, I have a strange feeling she was the one who pulled the plug. That would certainly make more sense, because Andrew nearly flipped out when David Schwimmer started flirting with her in the business meeting. Now, Ari has a big decision to make: side with his wife and get rid of Andrew before he makes an even bigger mess of his life, or keep his latest Employee of the Month around long enough to reel in one of television’s most admired creative forces. With Vince cruising along in his career again, he certainly has the time to make up his mind.

Labor Pains

After failing to make the jump from kid star to adult actress (not to mention her two-year stint as every gossip magazines’ favorite drunken/slutty/anorexic/lesbian celebrity), “Labor Pains” was supposed to be Lindsay Lohan’s grand return to the big screen. Things didn’t go quite the way they were supposed to, however, and instead of getting a proper theatrical release, the film was dumped onto ABC Family as their movie of the week. Granted, “Labor Pains” is very much movie-of-the-week material, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t any good. Lohan stars as Thea, a twentysomething college drop-up working as a secretary at a small-time publishing company. When her boss (Chris Parnell) threatens to fire her after she accidentally harms his canine companion, Thea pretends to be pregnant in order to keep her job. What follows is exactly the kind of formulaic comedy that you’d expect just from looking at the poster, but despite its shortcomings, it’s still far more entertaining than your average made-for-TV movie. Her messy private life aside, Lohan is always fun to watch, and this time around, she gets invaluable support from comedy vets like Parnell and Cheryl Hines. It might not be for everyone, but “Labor Pains” is sure to find an audience as a great alternative to “America’s Next Top Model” reruns.

Click to buy “Labor Pains”

Tunnel Rats

As this generation’s Ed Wood, Uwe Boll has made some truly terrible films. So how does the German director fare when he’s not making a movie based on a video game? A little better, but not as much as you’d hope. With “Tunnel Rats,” a Vietnam War flick about a group of U.S. soldiers sent to kill Viet Cong resistance fighters hiding in the jungles and tunnels of Cu Chi, Boll has proven that he isn’t quite as clueless behind the camera as he appears. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for his screenwriting skills. I’m not exactly sure who this movie is supposed to be meant for, but the Vietnamese are depicted as bloodthirsty savages and the Americans as scared morons. They act like morons, too, as they’re all systematically killed off like a bunch of teenagers in a slasher flick. I mean, if the tunnels were causing the U.S. Army so much trouble, why didn’t they just drop a couple of grenades down them instead of sending soldiers in one at a time to be brutally murdered? Boll is clearly a fan of the genre – he crams as many Vietnam War clichés into the first 20 minutes as humanely possible – but that doesn’t make him any more qualified for the job. “Tunnel Rats” may have sounded great on paper (it’s certainly an original idea for an overdone topic), but with Boll in charge, it never had a chance to succeed.

Click to buy “Tunnel Rats”

Blu Tuesday: Battlestar Galactica, Fast & Furious and Green Lantern

After last week’s fantastic selection of Blu-ray titles, you’d think that we’d have to wait another month or two before getting anything even remotely as good, but for fans of sci-fi, you really can’t do much better than today’s offering. There are no less than six geek-worthy Blu-rays this week, as well as a few other major titles definitely worthy of a spot in your collection.

“Battlestar Galactica: The Complete Series” (Universal)

Okay, so I may have never actually watched “Battlestar Galactica” (save for the pilot/miniseries), but it’s one of those shows that I’ve been meaning to check out for quite awhile. And with the release of the complete series box set, what better time than now? This is the first time the show has been available on Blu-ray, and thanks to the fact that it’s actually shot in HD (though not broadcast that way, curiously enough) old and new fans alike can finally enjoy the show as it was meant to be seen. The included extras are mostly a retread of previously released bonus material, but Blu-ray owners do get a few exclusives, like picture-in-picture video and a pop-up encyclopedia. The series is housed in a sweet metallic cube that expands to reveal all four seasons and includes your very own frakkin’ toaster figurine. Even if you’re not a fan of the series, that’s pretty hard to resist.

“Fast & Furious” (Universal)

I don’t care how you may feel about the fourth installment of the popular car porn franchise, or even the series as a whole, because Universal has delivered yet another fine Blu-ray packed with just about everything you could hope for. Personally, I thought the movie was good mindless fund, but I know that a lot of people found it silly and contrived. Fair enough, but for those of you who did enjoy it, the double-disc effort includes a director commentary, stunt featurettes and even a cool Vin Diesel-directed short film that acts as a prequel to the movie. Of course, the real highlight is the Take Control feature, which offers an in-depth look at the film hosted by Justin Lin and Paul Walker. Though it’s only activated for the bigger sequences, it enables the filmmakers to go into further detail than the typical commentary track. Lin pauses, rewinds and fast-forwards his way through key moments, highlighting things with the help of storyboards and behind-the-scenes footage. Zack Snyder may have technically beaten everyone to the punch with a similar feature on the “Watchmen” Blu-ray, but it’s just good to see that Warner Bros. isn’t the only studio looking ahead. This is the future of the HD format.

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