Author: Deb Medsker (Page 61 of 70)

In the latest example of absentee parenting run amok, advocacy groups are suing Viacom’s Nickelodeon and the Kellogg cereal company for contributing to childhood obesity.

That’s right: It’s not the parents’ fault their kids are fat, and it’s not the fault of the kids themselves; the blame must rest with the companies who market all the food the youngsters shovel into their gaping maws.

Spongebob Squarepants allows his image to be plastered upon bags of fat-filled potato chips? Damn that soulless bastard to hell. Tony the Tiger tells my kids his flakes of corn-filled sugar are “grrrrreat”? Skin that vile feline and use his pelt as a throw rug. Someone has to think of the children.

Of course, there’s another solution to the childhood obesity problem, and one that’s both simpler and more cost-effective than slapping lawsuits on every product that contains an ounce of fat or sugar: Turn off the TV. Buy healthy snacks instead of junk food. Say ‘no’ to your kids once in a while. And send them outside to play.

But of course, that’s crazy talk. Hollywood’s animated icons are fattening up our children for the slaughter, and these insidious characters must be stopped at all costs. The future of our nation depends on it.

Recognizing that the comedies have been running on fumes for a few years now, FOX has announced the official cancellation of “Malcolm in the Middle” and “That 70’s Show.” Both shows will run through the end of the season, and air their final episodes in May.

Unlike cult favorite “Arrested Development”–for which hope still lingers among the faithful, based on recent discussions with ABC and Showtime–it is unlikely that fans of “Malcolm” and “70’s” will launch an impassioned campaign to save their shows. “Malcolm” has already used up the old “add a new kid to the family” ploy (as seen in “The Brady Bunch”, “Growing Pains,” “Married…with Children”, and countless other aging sitcoms), and “70’s” has lost both of its major stars.

Icing the two comedies will make more room in FOX’s schedule…but still not enough room for “Arrested”, nor perhaps “King of the Hill” (currently on hiatus). And yet…the folks who make “Stacked” are still happily cashing their paychecks.

Gotta love those crazy scamps over at FOX.