Author: Deb Medsker (Page 50 of 70)

Attack of the Russian marshmallow flesh-eating gremlin cyborg killing machines

April 4, 2006 /

Forget what you learned in History class: All you need to know about the events of the past, present and future has been diligently captured by Paul Kerensa, creator of The Movie Timeline.

For example:

Andy Dufresne was unjustly sent to Shawshank a few short months before someone else was framed: Roger Rabbit.

James Cole of “Twelve Monkeys” was lucky to be locked in a mental hospital upon his return to 1990 from the future; had he shown up in Perfection, Nevada that year instead, he would surely have been nabbed by one of the giant Graboid worms of “Tremors.”

While Ellen Ripley is peacefully enjoying hypersleep (“Aliens,”) the Oracle prophesizes that Morpheus will discover the second coming of The One.

In 1984, the U.S. was invaded by Russians, the Sta-Puf marshmallow man, gremlins, flesh-eating zombies, and a T-800 killing machine from the future. Rough year.

The premise of the site is simple: Everything that ever happened in a movie is fair game for the timeline. Submissions are welcome. Entertainment is guaranteed. Time-wasting is unavoidable. Resistance is futile (okay, that’s a TV reference…but still true).

Movies, News

So, does this mean we don’t need to hit the concession stand first?

April 3, 2006 /

Snack-happy moviegoers are in for a real treat come September, when “The Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie Film for Theatres” brings human-size fast-food heroes Frylock, Meatwad, and Master Shake to the big screen. Having developed a rabid cult following via its exposure on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim, the franchise has sold over a million DVDs, and also has a video game currently in the works.

ATHF

Of course, “ATHF” launched in 2001, meaning the trio of tasty junk food heroes took just five short years to get their own movie. Meanwhile, that tiny niche cult series “The Simpsons,” having sold a paltry ten million DVDs over the years and racked up merely seventeen seasons on air (renewed through season nineteen)…is still waiting for its close-up. Fortunately, that wait is nearly over, as Fox finally revealed its “Simpsons” movie teaser trailer to “Ice Age 2” audiences this weekend. The film is scheduled for release in July of 2007. Click here to view the “Simpsons” trailer for yourself.

simpsons

Well, “Hunger Force” might make it to theaters first, but “Simpsons” will clearly have the more lasting impact. As any faithful Simpsons viewer could tell you, a man-sized milkshake, burger and fries are no match for the hunger force that is Homer.

Mmmmmm…Meatwad.

Movies

Matthew McConaughey runs like a girl

April 3, 2006 /

Actually, strike that: Girls run substantially better than Matthew McConaughey. The “Failure to Launch” star was apparently jogging on location for his next movie in Huntington, West Virginia, when two local middle-school girls challenged him to a 400-meter race. Never one to turn down a chance to flaunt his masculinity while simultaneously chasing after jailbait, McConaughey accepted the challenge, and lost “by a nose.”

Following the race, the former “Dazed and Confused” star was heard to say, “That’s what I love about these middle school girls, man: I get older, they stay the same age.”

Actors

“How YOU doin’?”

March 31, 2006 /

Joey Tribbiani is back on the market. Matt LeBlanc and his wife of three years, Melissa McKnight, are getting divorced. Between this and his doomed sitcom, poor Joey is just not having a good year.

Of course, if you follow the link, you’ll see that LeBlanc and McKnight were first introduced by one Lou Diamond Phillips. Phillips, you may recall, is best known not for his work in “La Bamba,” but for marrying a woman who eventually left him for female rocker Melissa Etheridge. Thus, perhaps not altogether the best possible judge of women, that Lou.

Actors, Gossip, News

…And speaking of everyone suddenly sucking

March 29, 2006 /

…American Idol host Ryan Seacrest was recently spotted sucking face with Desperate Housewife Teri Hatcher:

ryanteri photo

Could this be another “let’s put those gay rumors to rest once and for all” publicity stunt (Tom Cruise, we’re looking in your direction)…or is Ryan just a poor, misunderstood metrosexual with an unfortunate addiction to hair-care products?

Only time will tell.

Actresses, American Idol, Desperate Housewives, Gossip, TV

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