Author: Deb Medsker (Page 49 of 70)

Celebrity Deathmatch, Round Two: “South Park” vs. “Family Guy”

Let the great debate continue:

“’Family Guy’ isn’t funny.”
“Yes it is.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Yes, it’s hilarious.”
“No, it’s just lazy, lowest-common-denominator hack work.”
“No it isn’t.”
“Yes it is.”
“No it isn’t.”
“Yes it is.”
“No it isn’t.”
“Look, this isn’t a debate, it’s just contradiction.”
“No it isn’t.”

“South Park” puts Stewie, Brian, testicle-chinned Peter Griffin and the whole “Family Guy” gang in its crosshairs on tonight’s episode. Can big-boned Eric Cartman defeat the world’s most devious infant?

Count on it.

Rosie recaptures America’s hearts

No, it has nothing to do with Big Gay Rosie’s Big Gay Family Cruise documentary on HBO; downtrodden, coiffure-challenged former talk show host Rosie O’Donnell has found an entirely more effective means of winning back her lapsed fans: by threatening to beat the crap out of Naomi Campbell.

rosie

In light of Naomi’s recent arrest for pulling a Russell Crowe on her assistant, Rosie has issued a public statement challenging the supermodel to a fight. Now THAT is a Celebrity Deathmatch worth taking seriously. Pay-Per-View has got to be manning the phones trying to hammer out a deal for exclusive rights to the smackdown this very instant.

“I think she needs a big 200-pound lesbian to kick her ass,” Rosie said of Campbell.

And that, for once, is an O’Donnell sentiment that all of America can stand behind.

“The Parent Trap:” A white trash remake

Oh, those rascally Covington twins! They must be Lindsay Lohan fans, as they recently pulled off a caper cribbed straight from the script of the teenage drama queen’s star-making gem, “The Parent Trap.” Seems Rocky got himself into a bit of a fender-bender while driving Bucky’s pickup truck, which wouldn’t have been such a problem were it not for Rocky’s pesky suspended license and DUI citations. Thus, while the police were en route to the scene of the accident, Rocky phoned identical twin brother Bucky (he of the spotless driving record), and pulled a wacky switcheroo.

It all worked out just fine, until the twins’ co-conspirator in the shamockery, one Ryan Roller, confessed to his father–and subsequently the police–what had transpired. Of course, Roller’s courtroom testimony against the twins turned out to be less than optimally effective, since he incorrectly identified Bucky as the driver of the offending vehicle. All charges were dismissed, leaving both twins free to forever taint your memories of a dozen classic pop songs on “American Idol.”

Hey, you name your kids Bucky and Rocky and buy them pickup trucks, you gotta expect trouble of some kind. Now will someone please get these inbred redneck halfwits off my TV screen and whisk them back to the run-down doublewide from whence they came?

Chad the Cad

Before his divorce to “One Tree Hill” co-star Sophia Bush is even final, 24-year-old actor Chad Michael Murray has gotten engaged to another “One Tree Hill” crew member, an extra named Kenzie Dalton who may or may not be 18 yet, and may or may not be pregnant. Kudos to Murray for graduating with honors from the Shannen Doherty Academy of Teen Soap Stars Whose Off-Camera Antics Far Exceed Their On-Camera Drama. Hey, someone had to pick up that torch. His parents must be so proud.

Chad Kenzie Kiss

On the plus side, Murray got his start on the WB’s “Gilmore Girls,” the story of a woman who got pregnant at the age of 16 and raised her daughter on her own. Thus, should his latest engagement fail to pan out, Chad can always console jilted bride #2 with a full set of “Gilmore” DVDs to serve as a helpful reference guide for the single parent.

Shouldn’t this story have come out on April 1st?

In what is apparently not a joke, People magazine reports that Paris Hilton is being considered to play the role of Mother Teresa in an upcoming film. Indian director T. Rajeevnath is set to direct, and has put Hilton on the short list because of her purported resemblance to the benevolent, virginal nun who placed the needs of the poor above her own and cared little for material goods.

Yep, sounds like a slam-dunk.

paris mother teresa

Ravjeevnath is taking a meeting with Hilton in India at the end of this month. In unrelated news, the entire population of India will be evacuating the country at that time.

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