Now that “Malcolm in the Middle” star Frankie Muniz has finished shooting his show’s final episode, the 20-year-old actor is slated to start a new career as a professional race car driver, at least for the short term.
Muniz will race for Jensen Motorsport in the Formula BMW competition….because apparently childhood stardom just wasn’t perilous enough for America’s favorite boy genius. Does this mean he’s a lock whenever they get around to doing a live-action movie version of “Speed Racer”?
Believing they were signing the popular host of “The Daily Show” to speak at their annual fundraising gala, officials at the DaVinci Academy in Ogden, Utah instead signed former congressional candidate and part-time professional wrestler Jon A. Stewart.
Organizers realized their mistake when the Jon Stewart in question began his speech by demonstrating a Flying Headscissors on the school’s vice principal, followed it up with a Figure Four Leg Lock, then sealed the deal with a Gutwrench Powerbomb.
The 80’s teen queen will appear on television for the first time in four years in the May 1 episode of NBC’s “Medium.”
In the episode, Patricia Arquette’s psychic character has disturbing visions which suggest that Ringwald’s character is in grave danger. No word yet on whether that danger involves Ringwald leaning over lit birthday candles to kiss hunky Jake Ryan; attempting to apply lipstick using only her cleavage; or lending her panties to a geek.
Following in the footsteps of odoriffic John Waters classic “Polyester,” Colin Farrell’s film “The New World” is set to debut in Japan accompanied by complementary scents wafting through the cinema at appropriate points in the film. A spokesperson indicates that “A floral smell will accompany love scenes, with a mixture of peppermint and rosemary for tear-jerking moments.”
This seems a wiser choice than attempting to replicate Colin Farrell’s real-life scent for theatergoers, as the result would be a historically inaccurate whiff of Irish whiskey, cigarettes, and Lindsay Lohan’s panties.
Despite having concluded her well-documented, three-year “farewell” tour, aging plastic surgery addict Cher is in discussions with Caesars Palace to take over the Coliseum stage once Celine Dion concludes her lengthy run there. Cher will reportedly make $60 million in the deal.
Of course, if Caesars management is smart, they’ll start Cher’s run a day early, and put her on the stage with Dion without informing either one of them they’ll have to share the spotlight. Maybe snatch up Barbra Streisand as well. Throw these three on stage together unannounced, call it the Diva Trifecta Extravaganza, and let them jostle for position throughout the show. Babs would have the edge with her perfectly manicured, tiger-lady nails, but both Cher and Dion can throw a mean elbow, so the combatants would be fairly evenly matched.
Then, just as the trio has finally achieved equilibrium and begun singing the grand finale, “My Heart Would Go On If I Could Turn Back Time to the Way We Were,” management lets loose all of Sigfried & Roy’s white tigers onto the stage (hey, they’re not working; they need something to do) with zero supervision.
That would be the best Vegas show ever.
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