Author: David Medsker (Page 45 of 65)

Box Office Roundup: Jack Sparrow Must Die

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest: $35 million ($321.7 million, third week)
We are clearly still in the ‘it’s made so much money, therefore it must be good’ phase. Sadly, this galling lapse in judgment will probably last one more week.
2) Monster House: $23 million (first week)
It’ll do for your children what the face-ripping scene in “Poltergeist” did for you: scare the living daylights out of them. Years later, after the bed wetting has stopped, they’ll say it’s one of their favorite movies of all time.
3) Lady in the Water: $18.2 million (first week)
The bloom has officially fallen off the M. Night rose. Nina Jacobsen, despite having just lost her job in the delivery room, must have felt a slight wave of vindication when she heard the box office numbers.
4) You, Me and Dupree: $12.8 million ($45.3 million, second week)
How this movie outgrossed “My Super Ex-Girlfriend,” which contains a far funnier performance by a Wilson brother, is beyond us. Sure, neither movie is any good, but “Girlfriend” is waaaaaaaaay more tolerable than this dreck. Tell your friends.
5) Little Man: $11 million ($40.6 million, second week)
How many times did we tell you not to play with the dirty money?

Wha’happen Movie of the Week: “Clerks II,” which was the best movie released this week yet finished sixth with $9.6 million. (“Super Ex-Girlfriend” was seventh, with $8.7 million). Both of these movies are far better than “Dupree” and “Little Man,” and we suppose there is a statement in there somewhere about the gradual dumbing down of society, but we’re not smart enough to connect the dots.

The movie to see when Talladega Nights is sold out: “The Descent,” a super-creepy gorefest involving a group of rock climbing girls with bad, bad luck. Think “Aliens” crossed with “The Hills Have Eyes.” Freaky deaky.

New Line waves middle finger at press, Wazowski

They’re not screening “Snakes on a Plane.”

I can’t even begin to tell you what a kick in the teeth this is. I have been looking forward to this movie ever since I interviewed screenwriter Sheldon Turner last May — LAST May, as in 2005 — and stumbled upon a title in his IMDb filmography with the spectacular name of “Snakes on a Plane” (it has since been removed from his credits, presumably a WGA-related matter). And now, we get the news that New Line is going to make sure that the “fans” see it first. Hey, what about the critics that are also fans, huh? I am in a position to give you the kind of advance buzz that you would kill for, and you just stripped it away from me. Not smart.

Tell me, New Line, are you worried about the advance buzz being profoundly negative? Please. This movie is the textbook definition of critic-proof. Jesus, did you see how much money “Little Man” made last weekend? Fucking “Little Man!” Your movie is poised to make four times that. Help us help you, will ya?

To quote Hank Azaria impersonating Charles Bronson on “The Simpsons,” this, ain’t, over.

Box Office Roundup: Ooooooh, Johnny Johnny Johnny

(Anyone besides the Mayor of Simpleton get that joke? Didn’t think so. Sigh.)

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest: $62.2 million ($258.2 million, second week)
All thing’s considered, a 50% dropoff in your second week isn’t bad when your movie still takes in $62 million. So when’s the point where people realize, “Man, that movie wasn’t any good”?
2) Little Man: $21.7 million (first week)
There’s a guy in my fantasy baseball league who named his team the Baby Face Finsters. He is not amused by this abominable misappropriation of his mascot.
3) You, Me and Dupree: $21.3 million (first week)
Eventually, a series of shots of Kate Husdon wearing those skin-tight tangas will hit the Web. Download those instead.
4) Superman Returns: $11.6 million ($163.6 million, third week)
That giant thud you just felt was the hopes of the Warner Brothers brass being able to hide the losses of “Poseidon” with the receipts from “Superman Returns” crashing to the ground. Get your resumes ready, WBers. And don’t even think about looking for a job at Paramount.
5) The Devil Wears Prada: $10.5 million ($83.6 million, third week)
Making as much money as “Superman Returns,” at only a seventh of the price. You read that right: “Prada” cost one-seventh as much as “Superman.” Meryl rulz.

At last, someone follows my advice on how to deal with Ann Coulter…

…but who knew it would be Adam Corolla?

Ann Coulter
“Sowing the seeds of love, seeds of love…”

I’ve seen friends of mine just become overwhelmed with rage when talking about conservative lightning rod Ann Coulter, and I tell them all the same thing: THAT’S WHAT SHE WANTS. If you ignore her, maybe she’ll eventually just go away. Well, Adam Corolla did the next best thing on his radio show (major props for having my girl Lisa Lampanelli on as his guest), when Ann called in an hour and a half late, then proceeded to tell Adam that she was running tight on time:

He hung up on her, right on the spot, while Coulter was in mid-sentence.

Crooks and Liars is hosting an audio clip of the song here. Make sure to keep listening for the one-liner his female partner gets in towards the end. I never thought I’d say this, but there is much to learn from Corolla’s good example.

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